By that I mean when it comes to access to grandchildren.
Dh and I have a crappy relationship with his parents. Too much to go into, but they make very little effort with either of us, cause a lot of stress and are generally pretty rubbish parents to dh.
My parents are the polar opposite. They love both dh and I to pieces. They are always there for both of us and make a huge effort to be a constant part of our lives (which is reciprocated by us too).
Before we had dd, this was never an issue. Pils didn't want much to do with us and we weren't that bothered. Any time we did see them it would be a carcrash to be honest. I have written about them in detail before on here and have been told they are toxic and to go nc. Dh has tried a million times to have a better relationship with them, but has been let down again and again.
Then dd came along.
Suddenly they were getting in touch all the time. Fil started phoning all the time to hear how she was and to make sure we were looking after her properly . Mil was suddenly sweet as pie and inviting us round all the time. However, they never ask about dh or I, and when we are round there pretty much ignore us and solely focus on dd. It's really quite awkward, it's like we aren't even there.
Since dd was born my mum has been a constant support, both practically and emotionally. She has helped out with washing and cleaning when I have been overwhelmed, has supported dh through horrible medical tests, invited us for meals and cooked food dh can eat on his special diet. Mil knew all about the diet, but made a dinner she knew he couldn't eat. :(
They have offered no help or support when dh has been really ill and they have known we are struggling.
Their only interest is dd. They often complain that they don't get to see her enough and I know that mil resents the fact that my mum gets to see her more. Dd has a completely different relationship with them because of this. She is always so happy to see my mum, but gets really upset at pils because both dh and I are stressed out and the atmosphere is so tense and unnatural.
Aibu to think that if one set of parents make no effort with you as a couple, but are solely interested in their gc that they are bound to see their gc less? Or if they are very interested in having a relationship with their gc should you put everything else aside?
Is there anyone else in a similar situation? What do you do?
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AIBU?
To think that ils and parents aren't always equal.
31 replies
Koothrapanties · 27/02/2014 20:43
OP posts:
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