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To think that I have more of a say than DH as to where we move to?

(20 Posts)
Ilovemymonkies Thu 27-Feb-14 18:06:38

For years DH and I often talked about moving back to a nearby town where we used to live pre-children....mainly because it was great having the shops, cafés, parks, cinemas on the doorstep!

15 years and two DCs later we are planning to move. DH still wants to go back (and so do I in an ideal world) - but it's not a great place for schools and the properties are more expensive than in the surrounding villages.

Having lived in a village since having the DCs, I have come to value the support you get living in a community over the buzz of our old life.

DH works away from home in the week, and I have to deal with all the daily practicalities without any family support.

Moving back to town would make family life more difficult, but he doesn't want to go elsewhere.

AIBU to think that my opinion counts for more because I have to be at home 7 days a week rather than 2?

BillyNotQuiteNoMates Thu 27-Feb-14 18:11:28

Either of you should be able to veto a choice, and you both need to listen to each other and compromise. I can see where you are coming from, but you will be on a hiding to nothing with the attitude that your opinion is more important than his.

Quoteunquote Thu 27-Feb-14 18:11:45

Well I live in a village, I very much doubt I could convince my children to move into a town even if I wanted to,

If my husband wanted to move and that idea didn't suit me, I would suggest he found an idea that did. If it's not broke don't fix it.

I also love the support and security village life brings, wouldn't give it up easily.

why does he want to move?

affinia Thu 27-Feb-14 18:16:01

Playing devil's advocate here but re who's opinion counts for more, don't you think his 2 days are extremely valuable as for the rest of the week he's out of the home, probably where he doesn't want to be, whereas you may have the time to build a new network around wherever you live ?

Bowlersarm Thu 27-Feb-14 18:18:12

I think I agree with Billy.

Whilst you are at home a lot more than your DH, I don't think he should be made to live somewhere he doesn't want to. So therefore you and he should be able to veto the places you don't want to live.

Can you stay where you are until a place comes back in a location you both agree on?

Bowlersarm Thu 27-Feb-14 18:19:13

..comes up...

NewtRipley Thu 27-Feb-14 18:31:24

Why a change now?

I assume you do want to move, but to another village? If so, you still have to make new friends, I assume.

Also, I live in London and it's just like a village here - everyone knows everyone

BUT, I would have thought that he needs to listen to you regarding schools as well

NewtRipley Thu 27-Feb-14 18:33:30

How old are your DC's ? I am biased, but I'd have thought that as they get older, parks cinemas and cafes on the doorstep will suit them, and will mean less driving for you.

Morgause Thu 27-Feb-14 18:33:45


I live in a village and would never move back to a town.

You need to explain all your reasons and why village life is better, right now.

NewtRipley Thu 27-Feb-14 18:37:40

Sorry, my London comment was to question the fact that there aren't communities an towns or cities, IME there are communities anywhere there are children and places to gather with them

digerd Thu 27-Feb-14 18:43:54

SIL was given the right to decide by her DH as she was the one at home, worked 2 hours a day, had 2 kids at school, day/evening time clubs with girlfriends. Her DH had the opportunity for a better job and higher earnings. She decided she didn't want to move so they didn'

dreamingbohemian Thu 27-Feb-14 18:47:00

Is his working away permanent?

Might he be able to get a job in the town you're talking about?

I do see your logic, but I don't think you should have to live someplace you dislike just because you work away.

And I agree town may seem better as kids get older.

Is there any compromise option at all?

FLURMP Thu 27-Feb-14 18:51:25

I wouldn't say more important, just as important, but you ultimately have a veto.

There is no bloody way we are moving back into a town or city ourselves at the moment although DP wants to - certainly not while the children are young. It is hard to have a conversation about it without saying anything negative about DP's motives which would be completely unfair and mostly caused by how passionately I feel about this.

For us it's hard because DP is a bit of a bumpkin and wants to sample the excitement city life, whereas I grew up in a particular deprived inner city area and watched it get worse, and worse, and worse, until I grew up (and it was absolutely great for that part of my life), but I always had this idea "when I grow up my kids will never have to go through this kind of a fucking shit upbringing, and be around the bad things and bad people I have". Village life is the realization of that and I have no intention of moving backwards.

Anyway, I really just meant to express solidarity - don't lose the fight thanks

Viviennemary Thu 27-Feb-14 18:53:20

Usually I'd say you should both have an equal say. But in your case being at home all week and your DH working away I think you should get the last word.

Joules68 Thu 27-Feb-14 18:55:39

Well you won't be stuck at home forever...

NewtRipley Thu 27-Feb-14 19:00:48

The thing is, the OP is going to be moving anyway, as I understand it

Ilovemymonkies Thu 27-Feb-14 20:05:13

Thanks everyone! Really helpful replies smile

I re-read my original post and I do sound bitter and resentful. Oops!

Lazyjaney Thu 27-Feb-14 20:37:13

Villages are great for youngsters, not so good once the kids want to socialise themselves. If they are coming up to teenage years, town may be a good plan. Is there a big difference in schools?

ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 27-Feb-14 20:41:54

You both have to be happy so it doesn't matter if one person wants to move to XYZ town unless both of you are willilng to move.

StrawberryMojito Thu 27-Feb-14 20:48:51

There is nothing about your OP that sounds bitter and resentful. Both of you should keep an open mind when looking at properties.

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