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re: overweight exH encouraging overweight dd to have unhealthy eating habits?

(9 Posts)
terrificallytremendous Thu 27-Feb-14 13:54:52

Dd is 6 and a little overweight. She eats healthily but is greedy and would never turn food down. I sent her father an email mentioning that she's classed as overweight and that I'm being more conscious of what she eats and the exercise she takes. I asked that he is mindful when she's with him, too.

He has disregarded my request completely and last weekend was typical of a weekend with him, in one of the days she had:

Two chocolate squares cereal bars for breakfast

Most of a large popcorn and a bag of sweets at the cinema

A medium pizza from pizza hut

Ice cream factory with sweets from pizza hut

Crisps and lemonade

Pie and mash

Crumble and custard

She also watched 7 films in two days and didn't leave the house.

Compared to my menu the following day, you can see why she then complained:

Porridge with raisins and almonds


Cucumber, peppers and carrots with hummus
Roast chicken wrap

Glass of milk and a homemade nut based cereal bar

Pork and veg casserole

Banana in a little custard

Every time she gets into the habit of enjoying eating healthily it's time for contact which sets her back and massively affects her mood. Aibu to think that exH is a selfish twat for letting this happen?

Remotecontrolduck Thu 27-Feb-14 14:05:15

That's definitely excessive, I'm always groaning at posts on here where some people take things too far by not allowing any treats, treating a McDonalds, sweets etc as if it's crack but I wouldn't be happy with that. There's no need for that quantity of junk food.

He's being an arse.

Remotecontrolduck Thu 27-Feb-14 14:09:58

Too much of any kind of food too, not just junk food! Poor kid is going to have issues if she's allowed to get into habits like that.

Eatriskier Thu 27-Feb-14 14:23:14

I'm all for my kids having some of those things on occasion, but I think I would kill DH if I found out he'd fed either of them half that on one day, and I'm pretty sure he would do the same to me if I was responsible. Ok, killing may be excessive!

Is this normal for her father though or is he just being a twat because of your email? Not that its an excuse, but if its excessive because of the email maybe you could try a bit of reverse psychology. 'Here is a list of food DD isn't allowed: bananas, peas, <insert random selection of healthy things>'

KeinBock Thu 27-Feb-14 14:27:22

Sorry, just curious but you say she "didn't leave the house," and yet she went to Pizza hut & the cinema?

trampstamp Thu 27-Feb-14 14:35:38

Op this also very common with exs trying to be the "fun" parent

hillyhilly Thu 27-Feb-14 14:37:30

My DH can tend to be like this, we're still together but if I ever leave them to their own devices his weekend would sound similar - he is obese.
I think he equates showing love with giving them treats, doesn't want to bother cooking for them (so takeaways/ meals out) and his idea of a good weekend involves sitting on his arse watching stuff with them.
I don't suppose telling you this is at all helpful as I don't know how I would change it if we were separated, just to say that he is probably not doing it to be a twat.

Your only options are probably to try and keep communication with him as open as possible and involve him on what your DD needs to eat/ do backed up with medical evidence that she needs to stay active. Is his mum or any friends about that you could talk to and may be able to influence him?
I feel for you I really do, my marriage is happy but I know I would dread contact weekends if it weren't

NatashaBee Thu 27-Feb-14 14:40:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 27-Feb-14 14:53:12

OP... Have you tried another tack with him? Perhaps something along the lines of, "Look, we both love DD and want her to be happy and have a long, healthy life. We're teaching her how to eat and what to eat and that will have a big impact. Kids can be so mean at school and it can get even tougher in adult life. DD doesn't need an obstacle of being overweight... and it's worse for girls and women, it would be a huge disadvantage to her. We both love her, it's clear that we do. Let's make a plan to both give DD some food treats - and non-food treats and make her life as good as it can be".

Or is that impossibly twee? Sorry, I'm assuming that you have a bit of a fractious relationship with your ex and would have to work hard to meet on middle ground. What do you think would work? You know him best...

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