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DH has been keeping tabs on my mumsnet posts !

(63 Posts)
Birchwood Thu 27-Feb-14 08:18:50

Name changed for obvious reasons... he read some not so nice things about himself .. Ha !

I feel a like he's invaded my privacy. I've never shared my nickname with him so he must have sneaked around a bit to find it out.

He says it's a public forum so I shouldn't mind...

Birchwood Thu 27-Feb-14 11:14:02

The trouble with Dh snooping was what he saw.

I stated in a post that if things didn't improve I'd want to leave him.. It was only a private thought in the heat of an angry moment but he's taken it as a real indication of my intentions. Things weren't going that well but this has taken it to a whole new level before I'd had a chance to privately with help from you lot work through what i was feeling.

Sometimes we need to vent and MN is a great place to anonymously get empathy and support and test out our feelings without making it real.

wishingchair Thu 27-Feb-14 11:19:41

I totally agree with you Birchwood ... it is great to be anonymous and get opinions on something you might not want to discuss in real life.

All I'm saying is, I'd want to know what my DH had posted about me, knowing full well I might not like it and I could be opening a can of worms. Curiosity killed the cat as they say ...

mrsjay Thu 27-Feb-14 11:22:57

Birchwod that must be so difficult for you and him has he reacted very badly how are you going to sort it do you know?

mrsjay Thu 27-Feb-14 11:24:07

TBH i am not that easy to live with sometimes and i wish my husband did post somewhere to get it off his chest he seethes and we argue when it gets to a point, not saying he is perfect by any means

wannaBe Thu 27-Feb-14 11:24:50

"it would be like reading someone's diary..." what rubbish. this notion that mn is anonymous and therefore someone's private space has always baffled me. It is a public forum. yes it is a place where you create a username, but the longer you post there the more information you are likely to post about yourself that makes you identifyable to anyone you might be posting about. Maybe not even now, maybe in two, five, ten years time when someone stumbles across it and recognises you, or themselves in your postings.

And what we also seem to lose sight of is that when someone posts about their situation online it is rarely a balanced view. so if someone is aware that you are posting about them I'm not sure it's unreasonable to want to know what they've been posting to see just how realistic it is or whether the post has been deliberately made to look as if the op is the only injured party iyswim.

I think there's a difference between discovering someone's posts about you though and then going on to read them, which tbh I don't actually think is unreasonable, nor do I think anyone would stop themselves from doing, and snooping to find someone's username and then go looking.

But it is fairly simple, if you don't want people to read about your private business then don't post it on public websites.

And if you want a diary set up a blog.

Golferman Thu 27-Feb-14 11:31:28

Good grief, whatever next, women snooping on their partner's phones/emails/FB? Oh hang on.........

Birchwood Thu 27-Feb-14 12:33:35

It's ironic that I am always telling the Dc. if you are not willing to put your thoughts on a giant billboard on the way into town, then don't post them online. I've just learnt how true that is !

Dh and I have talked and it has brought things to a head. His snooping kind of forced my hand but we were going to have to face things at some point.

Even though MN is as public as it gets.. I still felt i had a right to a bit of privacy though ! confused

Lazyjaney Thu 27-Feb-14 14:16:53

I'd bet all those on here saying it's an invasion of privacy would go ballistic if they found their partners were splashing parts of their private lives on Internet forums.

Hypocrites all.

McPheezingMyButtOff Thu 27-Feb-14 14:19:05

My ex used to/maybe still does read mine

Hi saddo grin

MollyHooper Thu 27-Feb-14 14:35:09

DH knows my NN and would never snoop through my posts, he posts here too and I have never searched his. That's just odd.

The fact that he went to the trouble to work out your NN then read through your posts makes him look like a freaky asshole.

Was he looking for an argument, hoping he would find dirt you posted about him so he could start shit?

Birchwood Thu 27-Feb-14 14:51:27

In a funny way .. it surprises me to know he cared enough to look... he gives the impression he's just not very interested in me at all !

MollyHooper Thu 27-Feb-14 15:04:22

Well, that's not good.

Maybe this would be a good excuse for you guys to sit down and have a good long chat about your relationship?

He can't ignore the fact that he was snooping and you need to know what exactly he was hoping to find.

TamerB Thu 27-Feb-14 16:20:11

Nothing hypocritical about it at all, LazyJane. You need trust-he wouldn't do it. There is nothing I post that he couldn't read, I just wouldn't want him to-I don't admit being on MN to anyone at all.

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