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to ask what you would do in this situation?

(21 Posts)
extremepie Wed 26-Feb-14 22:29:39

If -

You were a single SAHP to 2 kids, one of whom had ASD
You had no respite
You had no family living close
You had no friends
You had no job
You lived in a rural area and didn't drive
You had no money for childcare
Your ex lived 300+ miles away with a female 'friend' and her kids but had seen his own kids once in 6 months and paid no maintainance
You spent pretty much all your time desperate for company

What would you do to change it, to make it better?

Cause I have no idea!

Funnyfoot Wed 26-Feb-14 22:31:11


ImperialBlether Wed 26-Feb-14 22:33:49

I'd put in a claim with the CSA for a start!

How old are the children? Are they in school or nursery?

I know what it's like to be desperate for company and am so sorry you're feeling like this.

Have you tried the MN Local boards?

sooperdooper Wed 26-Feb-14 22:36:30

Put a claim in with CSA

Move closer to family/support wherever they might be

Speak to GP about respite for DC with ASD

ImperialBlether Wed 26-Feb-14 22:38:16

Would you like to live closer to your family?

PansOnFire Wed 26-Feb-14 22:41:06

Move to an area where support is available, either near family or near children's centre facilities (or similar). I'd look to cities or big towns so that everything would be in walking distance or very short bus journey routes. I'd definitely speak to my GP about respite and contact the CSA?

I hope you find yourself feeling better soon, your situation might seem difficult now but it's not going to start that way forever.

Oakmaiden Wed 26-Feb-14 22:42:23

Agree with "move".

How old are your children?

Balistapus Wed 26-Feb-14 22:43:10

You have my sympathies, feeling lonely ican be awful.
You live in a socially isolated rural area, but Are not working and have no family near by. What's keeping you there?
I'd look into moving nearer to family - if you have any - or to a less rural location.

LEMmingaround Wed 26-Feb-14 22:47:10

Definately need to move - and learn to drive if at all possible. Would you get family support if you moved closer?

hippo123 Wed 26-Feb-14 22:54:17

Fight to get maintence and respite care. Join the open university, not only would it increase your chances of getting work it would introduce you to new people and improve your self esteem.

WooWooOwl Wed 26-Feb-14 23:00:44

Put in a CSA claim, wait till the children are of school age and find a job. Any job, even if it's just school hours in Mc Donald's.

Move if necessary to make that happen.

Get out of the house as often as possible, join Gingerbread or look for local support from charities or the LA for any support for families with a child with ASD.

Take any opportunity to do something, no matter what it is or how small and insignificant it seems (I did this once, a favour to someone, it ended up changing my life completely)

Battle on until the children are old enough that you can work more and spend your earnings on learning to drive.

AgentProvocateur Wed 26-Feb-14 23:04:35

Move to a city

OutragedFromLeeds Wed 26-Feb-14 23:13:07


Or learn to drive.

Nanny0gg Wed 26-Feb-14 23:16:52

Um, if you've no job and no money for childcare, and no support, exactly how do you take driving lessons?

Is moving an option OP? How old are your children?

Are there any activities for you where you live that are walking/bus distance away?

aderynlas Wed 26-Feb-14 23:23:02

Are there any places that you can get to with the children op. Where you could meet people. Any village hall even that has a playgroup. Transport in rural areas is not always good i know.

BrianTheMole Wed 26-Feb-14 23:25:39

Do you have supportive family who you could move closer to? That would be my first thing to consider.

cosmos239 Wed 26-Feb-14 23:25:45

Do you get dla for your son? If not then may be worth applying depending on his age and needs as a good use of that would be driving lessons to make accessing things easier. Also depending on the age of child you can ask social work to do an assessment of needs to see what they could offer, respite, support groups etc

extremepie Thu 27-Feb-14 14:30:18

I have really recently moved to a place which is 3mins walk from my sons school so it perfect other than the fact it's in a rural area with a 3mile round trip to the nearest shop :/

I don't have much family in this country except my parents and the live near London, which I hate so I live at the other end of the country now :D

Even if I did move my parents both work full time and my dad is in his 70's, plus they both struggle to cope with ds2 so I expect the support there would be limited sad emotionally they are great but I need physical help a lot of the time!

I really want to learn to drive but have no money for lessons and definitely no money for actually running a car.

Ds2 does get DLA already!

Social workers have had some involvement already but so far but been rubbish at helping with respite, apparently he is too young for respite and any other resource like specialist childminding is very limited sad

Ds' are 7 & 6 so both at school but ds2 only goes part time so very hard to organise work, etc in the short amount of time I have child free.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Thu 27-Feb-14 14:35:42

Why does he only go part time? Do you want him to go full time?

dammitsue Thu 27-Feb-14 16:17:24

CBT and a little scooter for trips out when kids are in school?? Scooters are awesome fun!!!

lljkk Thu 27-Feb-14 16:27:43

Help out at the school to get social interaction & maybe with luck & time a paid job there.

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