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to think dd is being excluded from exHs new baby?

(14 Posts)
terrificallytremendous Wed 26-Feb-14 22:19:15

Ex's girlfriend is heavily pregnant. When dd told me I offered exH that if he liked, he could let me know when the baby was born and when his gf was feeling up to it I'd drop dd at his to meet her new brother. Waiting for the next contact session might mean she didn't meet him til he was two or three weeks old, and obviously when I had herssibling she met her the very same day so she'd notice the difference. I thought it'd be nice to get dd to make a card for the baby/be there for those early photos etc.

At the time, he said yes he would like that. But he's recently fallen out with me over a minor issue and has said he won't speak to me unless via solicitor. I said that's his choice and my offer re: the baby still stood but he told me to stick it! Dd has already been moved out of her bedroom at his to make way for the baby without being consulted. She's missed five weekends of contact during the pregnancy as she's had a cold/sickness bug/chicken pox etc and so exH refused to collect her. He's made a big thing of how he'll see this baby every day, forever.

Aibu to think dd is being excluded from her new sibling before they are even born, and to be sad for her?

WooWooOwl Wed 26-Feb-14 22:22:50

YANBU, that sounds horrible for your dd and your ex sounds like a complete tosser.

Sammie101 Wed 26-Feb-14 22:25:03

Your poor DD! How old is she? Does she still have a room at her dads? Does she talk much about the baby or seem upset at all and be feeling pushed out?

missingmumxox Wed 26-Feb-14 22:42:31

I can understand the exclusion for chicken pox, but when people use their children as porns like this you know the next relationship will go tits up at some point as well, just drop it and let him get on with it, you did the correct thing keeping the offer open, he is the tit, but maybe his new partner just wants her family unit for a couple of weeks which I can understand, not that it is the right thing for your daughter but sometimes you can't do right by everyone

But he is a prick

terrificallytremendous Wed 26-Feb-14 22:43:25

She's 6. She has a room there but it's on a different floor to theirs now and and she was moved without being told about the change or the baby - one visit she went to her room and found her bed had been replaced by a cot!

She hasn't really mentioned the baby, only in the context that exH keeps saying he'll see the baby everyday 'but why didn't he see me everyday when I was a baby and why does he only see me every few weeks now?'

DonnaDishwater Wed 26-Feb-14 22:44:53

missingmum its spelt pawns not porns!

terrificallytremendous Wed 26-Feb-14 22:45:00

Dd said she told the gf about my offer who said she'd like that. I think exH is using it to pretend I've kept dd away sad

missingmumxox Wed 26-Feb-14 22:52:52

Donna well done in your spelling test 10/10 go to the top of the class.
However on your debating skills 0/10 because you missed the point of a forum. Ie it's not a spelling test grin

nevergoogle Wed 26-Feb-14 22:53:39

shock yes pawns!

Fifyfomum Wed 26-Feb-14 22:55:16

I don't know, there is a big difference between pornos and pawns

I would want to be told frankly and would thank the person who did.

PorkPieandPickle Wed 26-Feb-14 22:55:18

He's an arse. DH and I now have a baby and DSS stays around every other weekend. He has the large room and dd will have the small room - we wouldn't have dreamed of evicting him!! The baby will be in with them for months anyway - they didn't need to throw her out her own room ��
It's so important to ensure that older siblings don't feel pushed out whether siblings, half siblings or step siblings.
Your poor dd sad

ADishBestEatenCold Wed 26-Feb-14 23:03:28

Hard for you, terrifically, it a fine old line there that you've got to tread.

Maybe you could help DD pick out a small gift to give ahead of the birth, a 'baby-shower' type gift, and could then encourage her to make a card saying she is excited about the baby and asking how soon she will be able to meet her new little brother or sister, after he/she is born.

She could send the gift & card addressed to both her dad and his girlfriend and that would then make it clear to them both (without you having to get involved) that she wanted to be included in the early days.

mymiraclebubba Wed 26-Feb-14 23:05:52

What a gigantic cock!!! As the gf in a similar situation (I had our dd in august) I can't help but be disgusted at your ex and the gf!

When we found out we were pregnant the first people we told after our respective parents were my dsc's who were instantly excites. They have been 100% involved from that moment, due to scans being on school days they couldn't come which I was sad at but we had pictures printed for them, they help pick clothes out andnursery bits for their sister.

They were on holiday with their mum when she was first born and due to us being in a one bed flat when she was born we had arranged for dp's parents to have the kids for the first couple of contact weekends and we would take dd over to spend time with them but they wouldn't be kept up all night when she wasn't sleeping. Unfortunately dmil was diagnosed with terminal cancer the day I went in to be induced so they had to kiss the first contact weekend as I was too poorly to have them (dd was only a few days old and dp got called back to work for an emergency) but we had them foe 10 days as soon as my stitches had healed and I could walk again. Their Dm has made no attempt whatsoever to help the kids and she certainly wouldn't have brought them to the hospital so I think you deserve a medal jot being told to stick it!

For your dd's sake I hope he has a lobotomy and comes to his senses! And I hope she doesn't get pushed out, but for her sake if it looks like she is please step in and protect her! Maybe talk to the gf and see if she can't help?

lunar1 Wed 26-Feb-14 23:07:54

Your poor dd. your ex is being a prize twat.

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