To be fed up with splitting everything with people who have more children

[StandardHeight]

We have only one dis. We wanted more but couldn't. I'm just quite fed up with some people whom think it's ok to split the bill when they have two or sometimes more kids. They should at least offer to chip in a bit more right? Family are the worst. We're next expected to split a holiday three ways when sil family get a chalet all to themselves while we have to share with parents in law.

[RandomMess]

Hmm surely SIL pays for her chalet and you split the cost of yours with PIL???

[parakeet]

Family/friends holidays we have always paid by bedroom. This is fair as houses/villas tend to be priced according to how many bedrooms they have.

[StandardHeight]

You would have thought so right. But dh will not confront his brother about it. It won't stop there either. We'll be splitting everything 3 ways when we're there too. I wouldn't mind so much if we were flush at mo but we're quite skint.

[NearTheWindymill]

I don't really follow. Sorry. If you book a holiday cottage with two bedrooms it costs the same regardless of how many people stay there.

[StandardHeight]

Near - 2 chalets one for b-i-l family and one for us to share with pils

[RandomMess]

Could you speak to SIL or PIL and explain you can't afford to split like this anymore, or perhaps don't go?

[StandardHeight]

Dh became so offended when I said he should hint that they pay for their chalet

[NearTheWindymill]

Well presumably the one with PILs is a good bit bigger than the one for SIL and co.

Do you think you should be clear about your expectations in advance?

[StandardHeight]

Random wish I could mil has cancer likely to be the last holiday. Making it more the case that I'm going to have to just go with it I suppose. But it's not me being unreasonable is it. It's my bil.

[StandardHeight]

Chalets are the same size.

[Littlefish]

Your dh needs to deal with this. It is completely unreasonable for BIL to pay a 1/3rd share only, whilst using 1/2 of the accommodation.

[fifi669]

So somebody books two chalets for you all to stay in. SIL gets one for her family, then you share with PIL, yet you all pay a third? That's nuts! Surely you and PIL pay half between you?

If money is tight why not just say you'd be more comfortable paying your own pay and then just do so?

[RandomMess]

Get your ds to sleep in SILs chalet to make it fairer

[Purplepoodle]

Er you should pay half of your accommodation and sil should pay for her own

[StandardHeight]

Dh has offered to organise. Pils get a discount for reasons I won't go into. So dh wanted to make sure we all benefit from the discount rather than just us sharing the chalet with them. But i said to dh. Take the whole cost split in two, bil pays one half we pay quarter and pils pay quarter. But he thinks it's splitting hairs.

[Mintyy]

Hmm.

We went away last year as follows:

Me, dh, dd, ds.

Bil, sil, ds, ds.

Mil and fil.

We had 2 x 3 bedroom villas to share between all of us.

I made sure mil and fil were in the other villa with bil and sil.

Purely because they had all cooked up this joint holiday between them and I really didn't want to go.

[StandardHeight]

Random - lol.
Thank you everyone for your input. It is helping to confirm to myself that I am not suggesting anything unfair.

[Maria33]

We have 3 dcs and I always take that into account. Like last year we went on holiday with a family of 3, so we split everything 5:3 or they would have essentially been subsidising out dcs.

YANBU

[StandardHeight]

Minty - who paid what?

[StandardHeight]

Thanks Maria. That's exactly how I would be if I were the one with more kids. It is surely the decent thing to do.

[Jinsei]

Well, yabu if you're talking about normal stuff, like meals out etc. I would consider it quite petty to want to pay less just because you have fewer children. Unless they have 12 kids or something!

The villa thing is a bit different, but your BIL might be quite happy to split the bill differently if you asked. Your real problem is that your DH is apparently quite happy to split it equally and therefore won't ask. Some families just don't split finances down to that level of detail - mine doesn't, and I'm fine with that. We also have just the one child.

[NearTheWindymill]

Thing is DH and I have done the following holidays:

MIL and FIL twice before DD was born
MIL, FIL, SIL2 and DS when he was a baby
SIL1 and her DS when ds and dd were 4 and 1

After the last I said never ever again. Didn't matter who paid what and I think we always paid the lion's share. They could have offered all expenses paid for three weeks in 5* in Orlando and I would have said no if any of them were coming too .

[StandardHeight]

Dh was being pedantic in row. He said well what do you want me to do if we go and get fish and chips to eat in. (Realise this sounds like a really crap hol but it isn't honestly we've been there before).
He says the kids will all have a few chips and a bit of our fish probably. I'm not really prepared to drill down to those details when my principle is simple. Bil should pay his way, period. My dh just has a problem confronting him. Think it's bit of ego thing as my dh is older brother so shouldn't be asking for younger sibling to pay up.

[PortofinoRevisited]

I think if they have a chalet for their sole use they pay. Then you pay for your share of the chalet you are in. Why should you subsidise their comfort? You could all share ONE chalet and then going thirds or a split per room might be fair

[StandardHeight]

Jinsel. Not sure why you justify an opinion of yabu. Surely it matters not how many children you have but that you pay for them and someone else doesn't.