To smear Vaseline on ExH windscreen??

[EverythingsDozy]

I caught my H in my bed with another woman on NYE. He has left his piece of crap car on my driveway since. It is unusable, no tax, MOT or insurance. He will have to trailer it away and then work on it to get it going again.

I originally wanted to smash it to pieces but a friend of mine told me I would probably get done for criminal damage.
I know it's petty and silly but is it unreasonable to want to do it (and be considering it?!)

[Normalisavariantofcrazy]

Sell it for scrap

[HadABadDay2014]

Email him, say you have 1 week from today to remove the car if not you will have it put in storage.

[PickleSarnie]

Bird seed on the roof.

[Goldmandra]

Can you get someone to help you push it off your drive and leave it parked at the side of the road?

[Kbear]

if it's in his name - report to DVLA - he will get a nice fine for no tax and no SORN and they will remove it

[eightandthreequarters]

I would think if it's parked on your property, you can have it towed away. But I know nothing and you should see what your rights are!

[greenfolder]

entirely reasonable. an old friend of mine scratched "pay your maintenance" down the side of ex hs new car. He reported her to the police. the officer that came round found it highly amusing in actual fact and said he would tell him to either pay his maintenance or stop buying new cars. I doubt this would be the outcome now,some how.

Cant you just get is scrapped?

[Normalisavariantofcrazy]

Shunt it onto the public highway and let the police do the rest

[WilsonFrickett]

Yep, get someone to help you push it onto the road then call the police and report it.

[puntasticusername]

Why would you put Vaseline on the windscreen?

[henrysmate]

You can't scrap a car unless you own it, but you can get it towed away if it's on your property without permission (tricky if he still owns half the house).
I'd be tempted to turn a blind eye while someone else (not you, oh no) pushes it into the street and parks it there. Then I'd hope that the police don't see it and prosecute him for not having tax and insurance.

[EverythingsDozy]

Vaseline is a nightmare to get off, it would simply piss him off without actually causing damage to the car.

I do like the 'pay your maintenance' idea though. I may do that instead!!!

[CSIJanner]

Go out for the day and look amazed as is been removed from the drive by the push-the-scrap fairies.... If he asks, just say that you weren't in but you thought he had finally listened to your request and that he has surely moved it....

[Loopylala7]

Could you stitch prawns into the seats?, also heard if you unscrew a door panel and stick a marble in, screw it back, can make an exceptionally annoying noise...

[Normalisavariantofcrazy]

Can you get in it?

Grass seed on the seats and water it.

[Jolleigh]

Another poster here who's unsure as to what precisely smearing vaseline on it is going to achieve

[BlueSkySunnyDay]

Roll it onto the road - assuming he hasnt applied for SORN.

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Can you put fish in the boot or under the seats? Dead fish obviously.

[EverythingsDozy]

Grass seeds on the seats! Oh I wish I'd thought of that!! I gave the key to his dad on Sunday! Silly me!!

[Jolleigh]

Ah just caught up.

Wouldn't it be funnier to smush in some bird seed balls? The ones full of fat. The birds would cause any damage then and the fat would be a right bitch to remove. And there'd be poo

[MadIsTheNewNormal]

Yes just tell him he has one week to move it or you'll make other arrangements. When he asks you what other arrangements don't tell him. Just say 'one week, you've been told.'

Then if it isn't moved within one week drive/push it onto the road and report it for being on the highway with no tax and insurance.

[HadABadDay2014]

Put a for sale sign for £20 call ( insert ex phone number)

[Bogeyface]

I would email him and say that if he hasnt moved it within 48 hours you will be parking it on the street and that anything that happens to it after that will be nothing to do with you.

Then do it, because I bet he wont move it.

[SlightlyDampWellies]

Silly woman. Be the bigger person.

[pour milk down the venty things at the bottom of the windscreen and the top of the bonnet. Sour milk they can never find the source for.... never done that me, oh no.]

[or smear yoghurt all over the seats and then blackberry jam. Leave it for a day then wipe off. Never done that either. Most definitely not, Officer].

[BrunoBrookesDinedAlone]

All sounds great. But... is it actually still his drive? Is it an owned house which he's currently paying all or part of the mortgage on?

If not - go to town on it.

If yes - sadly it's his drive too.