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To think its weird to refer to your partners parents as in-laws?

(77 Posts)
montgomerymadison Wed 26-Feb-14 00:42:09

My colleague has been with a guy for one year. They are not engaged, nor do they live together yet she refers to his parents as the in-laws. His parents also live a few hours away so it's not as if she sees them frequently.

I'd understand in more long term relationships where you've lived together and had children and for whatever reason not been married to call partners parents in laws then.

Aibu to think the first however is rather odd?

BrownSauceSandwich Wed 26-Feb-14 07:31:22

In-law is shorthand. Stepdad etc are a state of mind. I "technically" had a step-mother, and i never considered her as such. Relationships are much more fluid and flexible than they once were: So many of us have parents we never speak to, or cousins more like siblings, or an in-law who feels like a best friend... Call them what makes sense to you.

ginbin54 Wed 26-Feb-14 07:33:03


BeaHive Wed 26-Feb-14 07:39:44

Partner doesn't sound right until you, erm, are actually in a partnership; though boyfriend might sound a bit coy.


OddBoots Wed 26-Feb-14 07:40:20

I'm married but unless I am referring to dh's family en masse I don't call them my in-laws, I'd say 'dh's dad and step-mum' or 'dh's oldest brother' or 'dh's youngest sister and her family'.

insancerre Wed 26-Feb-14 07:42:50

What would you call them then, OP?

crochetedblanket Wed 26-Feb-14 08:24:41

YABU. Marriage is nowhere near as important to my generation as it has been in the past. Terms like this will extend to non married people more and more.

shewhowines Wed 26-Feb-14 08:32:54

It's strange to me if people over 25 call their partner "boyfriend". Thats for the young 'uns.

Dukketeater Wed 26-Feb-14 08:46:31

Yeh I think its weird that early on...

I started calling the PITA that is my MIL, the MIL after we had a baby (but weren't married) because it was easier for strangers to understand but mostly I just call her 'his mum' because I don't like associating her to me!

And yes, amongst friends I call her the outlaw...

HavantGuard Wed 26-Feb-14 08:48:43

No, not particularly. I only ever refer to mine as ILs on here and I'm married! In RL they're 'DH's parents'.

HavantGuard Wed 26-Feb-14 08:49:32

Yes to boyfriend being cringey when you're over 25!

SeaSickSal Wed 26-Feb-14 08:52:38

YABU, and does it really make a jot of difference to your life? Why are you thinking about this? People have too much time on their hands...

BringBackBod Wed 26-Feb-14 08:52:48

It doesn't really matter that much does it?

Dukketeater Wed 26-Feb-14 09:05:08

BF def cringey over 25!

mrsjay Wed 26-Feb-14 09:07:50

it is just easier for people really it is usually said in a light hearted sort of way

mrsjay Wed 26-Feb-14 09:08:22

so when does a boyfriend become a partner or does he progress to man friend confused

SaucyJack Wed 26-Feb-14 09:13:19

I refer to my dad's partner as that-slapped-arse-faced-slag-he-insists-on-dragging-everywhere.

Perhaps this makes me sound resentful.

mrsjay Wed 26-Feb-14 09:15:27

wee bit long winded that saucy grin

EverythingCounts Wed 26-Feb-14 09:16:01

It's the length and seriousness of the relationship, not marital status, that counts for me. People who've been together for years and live together, no problem with saying ILs. But a couple who've only been together a year and don't live together and where she doesn't know the parents well - I would say they're getting ahead of themselves. So on that basis YANBU.

shewhowines Wed 26-Feb-14 09:17:16

I don't think I could ever call anyone "man friend"

Obviously when you are 24 3/4 you can call him boyfriend, but on your birthday this must change to partner grin

LyndaCartersBigPants Wed 26-Feb-14 09:19:20

I still refer to the ex's family as the ILs - is that allowed or do I have to call them my ex's sister and BIL?

I also refer to my BF as DP, even though we don't live together, because I'm too old to have a 'boyfriend'. We spend at least half our week together, go on holiday together with and without our DCs (who btw, refer to each other as step-sisters!) and would no doubt be living together if it weren't for the logistics of children's schools.

Just because we don't want to uproot our DCs from their friends and family it doesn't mean we're not committed to each other, so if I want to call him DP and his family the ILs I will.

So ner.

mrsjay Wed 26-Feb-14 09:20:44

hehe @ shewowine I remember my neighbour would talk about her boyfriend coming to the house to meet her dds SHE WAS 85 grin

Spaghettio Wed 26-Feb-14 09:22:37

I called my DP my partner from the off. I'm in my thirties - boyfriend makes it sound like I'm 12! I'm not going to use manfriend or anything else. He was my partner - romantically, socially and everything else.

He's now my fiancé!

OTheHugeManatee Wed 26-Feb-14 09:23:38

Not weird as such, just inaccurate as 'in law' they have no relationship to te person referring to them as in-laws.

mrsravelstein Wed 26-Feb-14 09:23:58

i call my MIL my MIL even though she's not, because it's a lot easier than saying "my husband's late father's longterm gf with whom he never lived and to whom he was not married".

mrsjay Wed 26-Feb-14 09:24:09

i was joking about manfriend obviously, I just think if you are in a relationship for a shortwhile then partner is serious thing to say,

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