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AIBU to wish my colleague would STOP EATING for five sodding minutes?

(192 Posts)
SelectAUserName Tue 25-Feb-14 15:35:56

I have recently moved desks and the colleague I now sit opposite never seems to stop eating. So far as I know she has no medical conditions that mean she has to graze constantly, it seems to be a combination of liking her food and possibly boredom/habit.

It is driving me up the wall as it is just non-stop. I am learning a new system, I'm having to concentrate hard (inbetween Mumsnetting, obviously wink ) and it's all to a constant backdrop of rustle-chomp-gulp-rustle-chomp-gulp. She started eating at 09:15 this morning and has barely paused for breath since. It was the same yesterday. I've started yearning to be invited to a meeting just to get away from it, and that's saying something...


TippiShagpile Tue 25-Feb-14 16:20:50

I shared an office with someone who used to lick her yoghurt pot clean. She often used to gag when she stuck her tongue right down to the bottom.

I still feel sick at the memory of it and it was 15 years ago!

PhoneSexWithMalcolmTucker Tue 25-Feb-14 16:21:39

eurochick congratulations! Am I right in thinking that it's been a bit of a journey...? Really pleased for you smile

HearMyRoar Tue 25-Feb-14 16:29:19

Oh dear, for a moment I really thought this post was about me but thankfully the person opposite me isn't new and new I think about it is unlikely to be on mumsnet. Also I don't eat sugar so definitely not me if its cake or crisp munching.

Still, I am a grazer and it genuinely never occurred to me that people might find it annoying. I am mortified I have been causing people such anguish sad

I'll have to go stand in the corridor to eat from now on.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Feb-14 16:33:17

When did we start using the phrase 'grazing' instead of constant eating?

I think it's an awful phrase and makes me think of cows.

magicstar1 Tue 25-Feb-14 16:41:38

I feel your pain. My boss and I share a desk with a thin partition and he eats non stop. He slurps, chomps and gulps everything. I know his routine perfectly...he makes tea so hot that he slurps it as he walks back to his desk, then goes back to the shelf, brings the milk to his desk and fills up the cup - why????? Then he gulps it down. He chomps two apples - one at 11.30 and one at 2.30. Eats at 9.30, 11.30, 12.45, 2.30, 4.00. He also has bad sinuses so sniffs when not eating angry

I've never detested anyone as much as that man! I've recorded it on my phone as my family didn't believe it could be as bad as it is.

PixieBumbles Tue 25-Feb-14 16:44:59

I hate noisy eaters. My boss is one (38 years old and he still hasn't learnt to eat with his mouth closed. He came into my office earlier eating a plum. Oh God, the slurping...)


WeAllHaveWings Tue 25-Feb-14 16:49:41

I have a bloke across from me who only drinks protein shakes and eats about 6 pieces of fruit a day.

So my day is a regular crunching of apples, slurping of pears etc which he does all with his mouth open.

Then he has his protein shake twice a day which he mixes in a sports type bottle at his desk and shakes for ages, then slurps his way through that over 1/2 hr.

In between all this he lets out little burps followed by sighs of relief and no pardon me.

I have made the odd comment but he's got really thick skin and no one else seems bothered.

SarahBumBarer Tue 25-Feb-14 16:50:41

I've been eating all day pretty much. I get a graze box twice a week to facilitate me "grazing" for as much of the day as possible. If anyone tried to object I think I would hurt them.

I'm pregnant though so either put up with my grazing or put up with me puking on you!

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Feb-14 16:50:55

Actually this thread has just reminded me of my ex husband's friend

He wasn't a noisy eater but he used to overfill his mouth and his eyes used to bulge.

I mean they really really they were going to shoot straight out of the sockets confused

I could never bring myself to sit opposite him just in case.

vladthedisorganised Tue 25-Feb-14 16:56:59

Oh no, I used to sit opposite a bloke who did this.

It was the fact it was always cereal that got me. He must have had five bowls of cereal a day, which he never washed up, so his desk was always cluttered with dirty bowls of congealed Weetabix.

Fruit is fine in my book - even bananas which I don't much like -but not cereal, and definitely not slurping while eating cereal. His constant commentaries on how expensive his bike was didn't help.

Mind you, he was replaced by his polar opposite, who is a Loud Faster. She's Fasting. She feels a bit funny because she's Fasting, but her friend says Aloe Vera is a real help for that so she'll try that while she's Fasting.. She's lost lots of weight since she's been Fasting.. She can't have a "naughty" doughnut because she's Fasting.. She would love a sandwich but she's Fasting.. She feels generally dizzy and weak on her Fasting days, but overall she feels so much better and it's probably because of the Fasting... Ooh, she's noticed I'm having a cup of tea, she can't because she's Fasting.. Did I just cough? She used to get colds all the time but hasn't since she's been Fasting...

Not sure which is worse, really.

Waggamamma Tue 25-Feb-14 16:57:38

Oh dear...I think you might sit next to me OP.

I'm newly pregnant and the only thing that stops me puking is eating. so I've been eating all day for weeks now sad . Nobody at work knows im pg yet. I was worried about colleagues judging me for being a fatty but hadn't thought I might be annoying them.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Feb-14 16:58:04

OMG I read that as he's been replaced by a 'Loud Farter' grin

vladthedisorganised Tue 25-Feb-14 16:59:06

When she takes up the cabbage soup diet, she might be, Worra!

SelectAUserName Tue 25-Feb-14 17:01:25

Vlad they both deserve a place in a very special circle of Hell.

I have sympathy - possibly through gritted teeth, but sympathy nonetheless as I am not completely heartless - for those who are staving off morning sickness through eating.

The rest of you grazers who don't have that excuse: stop it. Desist. At once. Forthwith. It's an office, not a fecking cafe.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Tue 25-Feb-14 17:03:04

Loud Fasting sounds even worse than Loud Parenting.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that I have my own office.

saulaboutme Tue 25-Feb-14 17:03:34

My little sis, I love her to bits, ALWAYS talks with her mouth full! She's a grown woman! I had to tell her off the the other day.

I don't know how you're going to handle this op. Hearing people eat makes me very...very...mad...

balenciaga Tue 25-Feb-14 17:08:31

ewwww that would make me feel sick

saulaboutme Tue 25-Feb-14 17:08:46

Headphones could work, though you don't want to be accused of being anti social.
Or drop very big hints, headphones go on every time her munching starts. Glare, tut, moan, confront! I don't know but it would drive me bonkers.

MummytoMog Tue 25-Feb-14 17:09:26

I would have gone absolutely insane by now. Even when I'm not pregnant, noisy eating makes me want to kill people, and constant noisy eating? DEATH.

I have limited sympathy for the MS grazers - I have morning sickness this time, it's horrible and I'm so glad I avoided it the last two times, but I'm staving it off by silent sucking on lemon candy. Or sipping coke. NOT EATING.

DidoTheDodo Tue 25-Feb-14 17:12:33

Oh god. It's me, isn't it?

Foodylicious Tue 25-Feb-14 17:14:09

I am an oversensitive nightmare.
We are quite relaxed where I work and often don't get to take breaks so we often eat whilst working.
However I was having supervision with one of my juniors and she was eating some kind of noodle cup-a-soup. It was obviously hot so she was scraping the fork with her teeth. I managed to ignore it for about a minute or 2 whilst I was thinking about how to phrase "I'm really sorry, can you not eat while we do this" next think I know I have involuntarily put my hands up to my ears and made some sort of strangled noise whilst cringing away from her!
I was really embarrassed but could do nothing but explain that it was just something that I could not deal with (just thinking about it now is putting me on edge).
This is something I have never been able to stand, usually when people do it its the odd clank and thats bad enough, but this was a proper scrape each time and AHHHHHHHH and feeling angry was all I could think.
Also cannot generally stand the sound of other people eating.

foofooyeah Tue 25-Feb-14 17:16:25

I think tomorrow you should keep us updated with what she is eating and when .... As I am intrigued!

Turniphead1 Tue 25-Feb-14 17:21:13

I am so glad I am self employed & work from home. Have zero tolerance for this. YANBU. At all.

Loved the description of Loud Fasting though. Fabulous!

chipshop Tue 25-Feb-14 17:33:19

I used to sit next to someone built like the Incredible Hulk, 6ft 7 and as wide. He has protein powder under his desk so he could make shakes all day. He'd have a big sausage sandwich for breakfast, eat the lunch his gf made about 11.30, which was the world's biggest salad, then he'd have a second lunch of something with chips. He'd also visit the vending machine for crisps and chocolate throughout the day. He wasn't fat, just massive. The amount he ate tho... shock

PhoneSexWithMalcolmTucker Tue 25-Feb-14 17:34:49

Foodylicious I experience the same reaction when people squeak their cutlery against plates. It's completely involuntary and I know it makes me look like a nob, but the sound actually causes me intense discomfort.

I may have been a lazy desktop face stuffer (now reformed) but at least I never squeaked my cutlery.

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