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To ignore my sister for a while

(24 Posts)
AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 25-Feb-14 10:29:09

Fed up with my Sis!
She always has dramas or "medical problems" when someone else is genuinely ill, or something big is going on which doesn't directly involve her.
For example, a few years ago our DS was seriously unwell with severe pneumonia and was hospitalised. Sis said "oh yeah I know how he/you must feel I've just had a chest infection" (still managed to go out on the p*ss with her friends though). Didn't visit DS in hospital or anything.
When DH and I got married she wanted to be bridesmaid but was really awkward about a dress. Got one made to measure to her specification but she still fussed.
More recently we are expecting DC2. Had very difficult pregnancy so far, lost a twin early on and been hospitalised twice with bad bleeds (thankfully ok now). Whenever we meet or talk she goes on and on about her job/mates/boyfriend then asks me how I am sort of "oh by the way how are you..." but doesn't want or listen to the answer.
She always makes big deal on Facebook and in front of family about "my nephew" but despite me inviting her over, trying to arrange swimming, walk in park, lunch etc so she can see DS she's always "too busy/hungover/has plans with boyfriend". She didn't offer any help when I was in hospital or on bed rest for weeks.
Today she has put long detailed post on Facebook about how ill she is and had ECG, nearly fainted, and rushed to doctors etc but turns out to just be chest infection, she's on standard antibiotics.
I've had enough of the dramas!!
Would IBU to just ignore her Facebook post and not engage with her for a while??

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 25-Feb-14 10:30:23

Sorry that post is really long and rambling, in summary my sister is driving me mad with her drama llama attention seeking behaviour. WIBU to just ignore her and the attention seeking Facebook posts!!

YANBU - I do with mine, works a treat!

CoffeeTea103 Tue 25-Feb-14 10:33:26

The only way to stop this attention seeking behavior is to stop feeding it. Don't show interest in her dramas, also anything that she is blatantly lying about ask her a million questions till she gets caught up. She will soon learn not to try it on with you.

AlpacaLypse Tue 25-Feb-14 10:35:53

No of course yanbu.

Although we're stuck with our relatives at least we get to choose our friends.

So sorry to hear about losing one of your babies sad.

I've taken to only using FB to share the odd photo, I find I get much more fun and support on here smile

LoreleisSecret Tue 25-Feb-14 11:17:07

My sister sounds similiar in respectto making a big fuss of 'her beloved nephews' on Facebook but, rarely sees them despite my constant attempts to invite her places and involve her in their lives.

I did lose my cool about this last year (after 4 years of it!) and did actually pull her up on one of her fb posts saying that she had actually not seen them for 3 months. This was very petty and I do not recommend it but, anger led me to it.

My sister is very self absorbed and I've learnt that I can not change this. I think secretly she is envious of my family (she has no children and fertility problems) I have no decided to stop trying to involve her, her rejection of my invitations feels like a rejection of my children and I won't allow that any longer. She's always welcome in their lives but, I'm taking a step back !

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 25-Feb-14 12:23:02

Thanks everyone. loreleis I'm very tempted to put "but you've not seen or spoken to him in 12 weeks" in reply to her next "boasting about my nephew" FB post but would never hear the end of it.
I think you are right in that I should just ignore her.
I'm even more p*ssed off now that I'm round at my parents having lunch with my Dad and she's been on the phone moaning to my Dad for the last 30 mins. She knows I'm here as dad told her in the first minute of the conversation but she won't shut up and get off the phone so we can enjoy lunch in peace angry

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 25-Feb-14 12:24:21

Thanks Alpaca I've had more support on here from lovely strangers than I've ever had from my sister which just makes me sad

Tulip26 Tue 25-Feb-14 12:27:47

You have my sympathy. All mine does is moan about how hard her job is (teacher) and how skint she is. Then she tells me exactly how much she's managing to put away in savings every month which is half what she earns. Apparently she can't afford to continue learning drive though and insists on being driven everywhere by family.

MerryMarigold Tue 25-Feb-14 12:29:07

Have you watched The Emperor's New Groove? It reminds me of your sis? The ultimate drama llama.

CrapBag Tue 25-Feb-14 12:32:18

YANBU.

Ignore her, you will feel better for not having her so called dramas around when you have actual problems. I can't stand people like this. I would also have to comment on FB when she says something about her nephew! So what if she doesn't like it. Maybe she will actually stop then.

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 25-Feb-14 13:27:49

Tried to ignore her but she asked to speak to me so my dad handed over the phone!! Cue several minutes of blah blah poore etc etc oh better go my friend is coming round with coffee and lunch - not that ill then FFS!!!!

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 25-Feb-14 13:29:40

Marirgold maybe I should buy the Emperpr New Groove on DVD and drop it round to her grin

liquidstate Tue 25-Feb-14 13:35:31

My sister does not appear on my newsfeed for similar reasons. Easy to organise!

SeaSickSal Tue 25-Feb-14 13:41:21

Hmm, sorry, I get the feeling from this post that it's possible she may feel exactly the same way about you. Why is it so important to you that everybody is concentrating on you and your dramas and why do you find it so irking to share the spotlight?

You sound a bit dismissive of her life as well and seem to want her to drop everything to help you but, of course, you are dismissive of her problems as dramas rather than offering help yourself. I can't really see that I would be happy to help out someone who dismissed any problem I had as a drama. You do really seem to want your sister to be concentrating on you and your problems, she has a life of her own.

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 25-Feb-14 15:15:54

SeaSickSal I don't expect her to concentrate on me and my 'dramas' as you put it.
I only expected her to maybe call or see her "darling nephew" when he was seriously ill in hospital. She didn't.
Or to maybe give me 5 minutes of her time when she found out we lost a baby and I was very ill in hospital. I didn't call her to tell her about "my drama" my parents did and were very surprised when she didn't bother coming to see me.
I have dropped everything for her on numerous occasions to rush to her side when she has needed help or apparently been unwell only for her to go out clubbing with her mates the very next day. We have also helped her move house, decorate etc when needed but she has never helped us at all.
She even admitted herself today that the doctor had told her she has a simple chest infection and could help herself by not being such a "drama queen" and that she needs to cut the booze and fags and improve her lifestyle by getting exercise etc.

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 25-Feb-14 15:19:52

Oh and I appreciate she has a life of her own, it just upsets me when she posts photos etc on Facebook about her "darling nephew" but despite me asking her over to lunch/park/swimming or even offering to drop him at her house she can't make time between hangover/boyfriend to actually see him. Didn't bother seeing him or calling when he was in hospital either.
She only ever calls me to moan about things in her life and sick of it. (I'm starting to wonder if Seasicksal is in fact my sister

roguepixie Tue 25-Feb-14 15:28:40

Always, yanbu. I have experience of this. I have not spoken to or had contact with my sister for 14 months now after she gleefully "put me straight" as to my failings as a sister, daughter, wife, mother and all round human being!! Despite her telling all and sundry that my DS, her nephew, is the centre of her universe and "the only one of the family that she loves" it has taken her those same 14 months to arrange to see him.

I can only suggest that you distance yourself from your sister. These people are toxic and only see things from their point of view. The world revolves around them and their current crisis and are loud in their complaints when they don't feel they are getting the attention they deserve.

My situation may not be yours and you may be happy to let your sister back in your life at a later date (should you chose to distance yourself now) but be wary.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime Tue 25-Feb-14 15:39:28

i think you just need to accept she is different than you and just as your life is important to you, her very different life is equally as important to her.

I think I have recently have a miscarriage and am ok with other telling me about their own lives and not asking me how I am. we are all different and out lives are important to us and most of the time us only.

BlueFrenchHorn Tue 25-Feb-14 15:53:02

Your sister does sound a bit self absorbed at the moment but maybe she feels inadequate about herself because you have a life she would like possibly? So makes a big deal to seek your attention at every opportunity.

What would happen if you spent some time just the two of you? Do you think that would help?

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 25-Feb-14 15:53:10

Thank you roguepixie I think until you experience this sort of this yourself you can't appreciate how upsetting it can be. Maybe it's time for me to step back and not make all the effort all the time

frogslegs35 Tue 25-Feb-14 16:42:05

Yanbu - yes, ignore her for now.

Congrats on your pregnancy and I'm sorry about your twin baby thanks hope you have a smoother time until lo arrives.

ahlahktuhflomp Tue 25-Feb-14 16:51:28

I almost think I know the person you mean, it's uncanny.

Yes, ignore her, she's a narcissist and even that one time when it's genuine will surprise her more than anyone else.

MsLT Tue 25-Feb-14 17:09:04

In response to devoted Auntie FB posts - comment back something like:
"Ah, thanks! That's so nice! I know you're busy but we'd love to see you, it's been 3 months now, he's missing you"
(Hahaha!)

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