...to be a bit down when ostensibly - and actually - my life is pretty good(30 Posts)
Just feeling down and in a bit of a rut workwise the last couple of years...I shouldn't really, but I do.
Here's the situation, let me know if you have any thoughts/advice/suggestions.
Firstly - and most importantly - we have a lovely family life...all good, very lucky and I know it.
However, work matters often get me dispairing.
Great daily rate (I'm freelance).
Don't have to work too hard much of the time.
No career progression.
Often work late/weekends.
Unimpressive people as colleagues in the main...used to be a graduate profession but not so much anymore.
Old friends/kids' friend parents who actually have grown up jobs with a bit of status and responsibility...I'm just not in that game any more, even though they think I probably am.
I feel like a well-paid C2 factory/manual worker to be honest. Nothing wrong with that of course, but just not how I might have thought things would work out when I got a great education and started out doing this 20 years ago.
Plus odd hours are more tiring now as I get older.
I can feel myself running out of energy and just wondering what I can do to re-kick start myself whilst earning a living for the family. Mid-40s, should be at the peak of my powers, but now I often shy away from work colleagues and social situations when I used to love that kind of thing.
What the f**k is wrong with me??? And how can I change things?
Poppius, I like your name.
And your use of the word clicky.
However, I'm not sure: do people really know where they want to end up? I bloody don't.
I'd like to feel more confident at home; it would be nice if we had more people round. We've got a nice house with nice books and it shows people that we're nice...plus a bit daft and silly too, whilst being serious. But I'm not allowed to very often. Dont ask.
I feel like I'm in the same rut. I've had the gradual realisation I'm never going to get 'there' wherever 'there' is - what I mean is a situation where I'm in a career I enjoy, great atmosphere, doing something fulfilling with enough money to enjoy life and hours that don't kill you. I've compromised certain things to be able to bring up my son (single mother) so I'm freelance now too but miss the social side of work, don't miss commuting but miss being out the house, love working from home at times when I remember the horrors of commuting, don't have a pension or bonuses any more, but on a decent rate. I don't think I'm ever going to get to the stage where everything falls in to line and even for a short while I can think things are going well. Life outside of work is non-existent at the moment - too tired, not much time, in a rut.
Long term, like you, I worry about the hours I do but I've no pension. I see a very lonely, poor old age. I can start addressing that in a few years when my son leaves home. I haven't given up all hope but know my life is going to be full of compromises. More than I ever expected. One of my big problems is where to live. I feel if I can find someone I'd like to be that isn't extortionate to buy a major problem will be lifted. I earn good money and would effectively be very well off if I could halve my outgoings on accommodation. I feel then I could cut some of the more unsocial hours, have a bit more me time to do things I'd like to do, pay off mortgage faster and save for a decent old age as much as possible. I realise this is life. It's hard to accept but I look around and many others in similar and also much worse boats than I. Small pleasures are the order of the day now as I fear the next 20 years will pass in a fug of worry and work.
I hear you on the small pleasures, Tabliope. They do make a big difference to the headspace.
*JandL" - you said don't ask and I don't want to trample over that. But your post makes me wonder if your dissatisfaction has more to do with your relationship/home life than anything else. You obviously don't have to go into it here. Can you access some personal counselling, maybe through work?
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