To hate the school run because of this woman?

[chandlerbing]

My youngest child started school in September. I have an older child at the same school, and have met loads of lovely mums (and dads) through the school run and through her attending classmates' parties. I was really looking forward to DS starting so I could get to know some other parents too.

However, it's all been ruined for me by one woman. She is extremely loud and lets just say that she describes herself as "saying it like it is". Our sons became friends on their first day, and she kept chatting to me at drop offs and pick ups. We also met up a couple of times with the boys. I got on fine with her. I knew straight away she wasn't my type of person to be good friends with, but I thought it'd be nice to be friendly because of the boys.

About a month into school she had a falling out with two other mums. Really not sure what it was all about, but she made quite a big thing about it in the playground. Then suddenly one day she decided that I was involved too, even though I barely knew the other mums, and walked up to me at school drop off one morning and gave me a huge mouthful, accusing me of bitching about her and telling me never to speak to her again!

I said that I didn't know what she was talking about and then just walked off, as obviously I didn't want a huge scene at the school or to be part of anything like that. And since then she has given me dirty looks at every drop off and pick up. I say hello to her when I see her but she blanks me. DS has said her son has said he isn't allowed to play with DS (although DH isn't bothered in the slightest by this). And also, whoever I am talking to she saunters over, glares at me, and deliberately engages them in conversation, even if she doesn't know them really. She is so loud and brash that people are I think quite scared of her and are also too polite to say "actually I was talking to Chandler".

Even worse, is that she is now best of buddies again with the two women she fell out with, yet has still got the hump with ME. For no apparent reason. I should add too that after the initial incident I tried to call her a couple of times to smooth things over, as I hate bad feeling, but she wouldn't answer her phone, so I left it. I know she also bitches about me a lot, as one friend went to hers for a coffee and said she bitched about me the whole time!

This woman has, for me, totally ruined my experience of picking up my youngest from school this year. I feel uncomfortable whenever I see her. I also don't want to be known as someone that has had a falling out with someone, as people will inevitably think I'm difficult to get on with. I just like to get on with people really.

AIBU to hate school runs now? Anyone else had a similar problem?

[mrsjay]

BACK AWAY QUICKLY

this woman is going to be in your life for what 5/6 years you will be a mess by the time your son goes to secondary school, dont engage smile and nod let the boys be friends go to school drop your boy off nod and smile wave and go home, you do not need to get caught up in her drama

[doglover33]

How childish...what is her child learning perhaps its a good thing her ds and your ds aren't friends anymore. All I can advise is block her out completely, I wouldn't even try too make peace with her, she hardly sounds like a fun person to be around...just think what her children are going to turn out like with a mother like that.....steer well clear.

[shakinstevenslovechild]

Ime people who say they call a spade a spade or that they tell it like it is are generally the most bitchy, two faced, backstabbing people you could ever meet.

What does she say when she is bitching about you? She must have given your friend a reason why she hates you.

Easy for me to say, I know, but just try and ignore it, bullies get bored if they don't get a reaction or you could maybe go up to the school with a friend or relative who doesn't have children to pick up sometimes just to wind her up.

[doglover33]

The quote ' I say it like it is' should of made you run a mile..it means 'im a bitch - like it or lump it,i don't care about anyone but myslef'.

[chandlerbing]

When she bitched to my friend she said that she hates me, apparently I love myself, and she said that I've been talking about her. Which I definitely haven't. She seems very paranoid.

Totally agree about the spade a spade thing. Everyone I've come across that prides themselves on being like this is a total arse.

[ahlahktuhflomp]

If asked you can say you have never spoken about her and really don't know her. I'd leave it at that.

There's no need to socialise with any particular random at the school gate anyway.

[spanky2]

There are a lot of women like this at ds1's school . I listen to my mp3 player and leave it to the last minute before I go to stand in the line . This woman is behaving like a teenager. Ignore her you don't want her around really .

[LucyLasticBand]

i think you should make superficial friends with her. in front of other people. she wont surely have the face to be horrible. be extra nice to her.
that should stop her.

school run time shouldn't be that stressful

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

I'm sorry. Sounds bloody awful.

You can either take dignified high ground and say nothing. (And hope everyone else noticed its dignified high ground) or else confront her and say "I am fed up with your attitude. Back off. I will be be bullied by you no longer." Sometimes being aggressive to a bully is the only way forwards. She may step back a bit.

This is bullying. No more no less. It's hard at any age to deal with.

Hugs

[mrsjay]

I would say I hav e no idea what you are talking about you loon women like her thrive on this sort of thing and enjoy making life difficult for other people seriously if this continues she is intimidating you have a quiet word with the head teavher

[chandlerbing]

I just don't want to be thought of as someone who gets involved in drama or who is difficult to get on with. I think that's the main thing that bothers me really.

Plus it really pisses me off when she comes over to whoever I'm talking to and starts talking to them. She does it on purpose as she does it most days.

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

There should be a "NOT" in the sentence otherwise u will look a bit silly! Doh!!! (iPhone I'm blaming the phone!)

[Thumbwitch]

I know it's hard, but you do need to try and rise above it.

As ahlahk says, just look confused if anyone says anything to you about it, say your sons were friends but that was it, and you have no idea what is going on.

Don't speculate, don't discuss and ignore. Continue to be civil but make no attempt to be friendly.

[OpalQuartz]

I think you need to let her think you couldn't care less. There was a woman who was in a strop with me. (I have no idea why, I hadn't done anything.) Initially I tried to say hallo etc, but then just thought "fuck it" and started ignoring her too. She then actually started being friendly again. I think when she saw that she wasn't affecting me and that I was as strong as she was, she stopped. However your woman sounds a lot more extreme than the woman I am talking about. The others must know what she is like. I would work on ignoring her back and giving off a "don't care" vibe. Don't let her see she is bothering you. She sounds like a truly awful woman you are best off having nothing to do with

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

It's bullying. What would you advise your kid?

[chandlerbing]

Lucy, that was my plan when I tried to call her to sort things out. But she wouldn't answer her phone and now just glares at me. I've tried saying hello but again I just get glared at.

[Thumbwitch]

When she comes over to interrupt your conversations, say politely to the person you were speaking to "Ah, we'll finish our conversation later when it's more convenient" and walk away.

[likeneverbefore]

I would just completely ignoer her - it doesn't matter what she says about you, anyone with half a brain will work out that she's a complete tool.

don't ever try to make amends with her again though as that's just feeding her. Give her nothing and she will get bored.

I'd be flattered she didn't like me!

[OpalQuartz]

Good idea Thumbwitch

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

I think you've found your first wendy.

[Bowlersarm]

Difficult OP, and I feel for you.

I used to love the school run, and this would have really bothered me if I was in your shoes.

I think you should ease back a bit, but be normal, nice, self contained, and and keep as unconfrontational as possible. She clearly thrives on drama - don't let her draw you in.

Can you concentrate on socialising with your older child's parents for now, and hopefully things will calm down in your DSes class.

[TinyTwoTears]

Once again, I am completely baffled by grown women who behave like this. What possesses them?

Ignoring behaviour like that is probably a good way to go. And it's probably a good thing that your DS isn't involved with her DS. Although I wonder how her DS feels about his mum telling who he can and can't be friends with?

[chandlerbing]

Minnie, my kids seem to be total tough nuts and would probably just ignore someone who was like that. My kids have better self esteem than I do.

[HowYaLikeThemApples]

I found out someone who I thought was a good friend of mine (8 year friendship) was gossiping about me with her school-run-mum-friends. I'm quite an introvert and was definitely on the periphery of this group. When I heard what was being said about me I phoned my "friend" to ask her what was going on. With hindsight, on the days we used to have meet ups before the school run, she would happily spend 2 or 3 hours at my house with our younger children, being as nice as pie. We'd then leave for the school and I'd walk past her and her mum-friends (who I later named the Mummy Mafia). I'd smile and say hello to my "friend" but she always seemed to be a bit reserved saying hello back to me. It was obviously because when she was with the Mafia she had to keep up appearances in front of them.

I now have absolutely no contact with her at all. We don't even acknowledge each other. It's not easy having to see her at the school every day, having shared so much together. To be honest though I'm well shot of a "friend" like that. This happened over a year ago and it has definitely soured the school run experience for me.

[Burren]

It's an unpleasant situation, but no fault of yours, from what you say. You've tried to smooth things over, and she sounds unhinged and paranoid. I suppose all you can do is be civil when necessary, repeat when necessary that you scarcely know her, hope the other parents stop behaving like bunnies in headlights around her.

I'm not sure about the role of the friend who is passing on the fact that Unhinged Woman bitches about you when they are having coffee. If I had mutual friends who were on bad terms for whatever reason, I wouldn't be sitting with one of them while she bitched about the other, and then passing it on to the other friend. Surely the more adult response is 'X is my friend too. Please sort out any bad feeling between the two of you.'