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Have ibu to have walked out my job?

(94 Posts)
bouncingbelle Tue 25-Feb-14 00:10:32

After over a year of bullying by my boss I got up and walked out today. I can't believe I,ve done it and don't know what I should do next??? Should I contact them tomorrow (I don't want to go back) but I do want to discuss with senior boss and hr exactly WHAT pushed me to walk out. I don't do things like this, but after months of feeling sick at the thought if going to work (including tears fir the last few nights) I,m actually feeling great! (The reality of unemployment may kick in tomorriw sad)

mymiraclebubba Tue 25-Feb-14 09:14:15

As someone who has also done this I do highly recommend talking to your GP as getting it documented is essential! Make sure you out everything in writing to your hr dept because walking out sue to bullying can be. Classed as constructive dismissal

Good luck and well done

needaholidaynow Tue 25-Feb-14 09:22:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poppins30 Tue 25-Feb-14 09:23:13


My response was to haunted, not entirely sure how work place bullying and stress is a medical problem hmm but you know the free nhs is the solution to every ill....and that is why it's fucked.

What a bizarre thing to say.

Why would you want someone to suffer with stress (which can be a killer - high blood pressure, stroke, insomnia) and not see their GP?

Why would someone seeing their GP over this bother you in any way or be your business?

Am genuinely baffled by this.

OP I do sympathise. My boss can be a bully too, and I've definitely had some symptoms of stress and tension over the past few weeks. So much so that when I had a weeks holiday I was ill throughout it. Apparently the term for this is 'leisure sickness' and can happen when you're very tense at work and when you have time off, the adrenaline drops and your immune system kicks in to gear.

If it was making you truly miserable, you have done the right thing.

Good luck.

kali110 Tue 25-Feb-14 09:36:20

Im sorry for you. I was bullied out of my job id done for over a decade. I nearly had a breakdown. Id cry everyday before work. She bullied others. My employers did fuck all though.
Leaving was the best thing i ever did.

kali110 Tue 25-Feb-14 09:36:40

Im sorry for you. I was bullied out of my job id done for over a decade. I nearly had a breakdown. Id cry everyday before work. She bullied others. My employers did fuck all though.
Leaving was the best thing i ever did.

yesnoyesnoyesno Tue 25-Feb-14 09:48:41

In the same situation at the moment. Hard to apply for other stuff as we are also ttc :/

Dawndonnaagain Tue 25-Feb-14 09:50:03

macdoodle apart from being bloody rude on a thread where someone is obviously in distress, you don't know what you're talking about. Stress is a medical problem, best to catch it early and put some coping strategies in place before the OP does something out of character. Oh, hang on...

feathermucker Tue 25-Feb-14 09:53:48

How is OP potentially being signed off with stress part of this supposed 'fucking up' of the NHS?! Really??? biscuit

Stress is a medical problem, and can be a very serious one!!!

A GP providing a sick note is hardly going to cause immense financial or resource problems for the NHS. It is a perfectly valid reason to make a GP appointment.

OP, well done for standing up for yourself!

emsyj Tue 25-Feb-14 09:54:31

I've done this. I now have a much much better job, with zero stress and a lovely manager and colleagues. Sometimes you do just have to bite the bullet and take action. I would pursue the matter with them though, it needs to be addressed. I made a claim against my former employers (which was stressful, but I had to, I couldn't just leave it) but you could simply put your grievances in writing if you don't want to go the formal route. I would call ACAS for some advice also. Best of luck - forward and onward! smile

slowcomputer Tue 25-Feb-14 17:07:13

I wonder if macdoodle is a GP, like me, because the phrase I'd get yourself down to the GP and get signed off work with stress does get my goat.

I will see a patient and assess their mental health. But I never write stress on a sick note (because, strictly speaking according to the DWP stress isn't an illness so it can be bounced, though often gets through).

And I very rarely sign people off in situations like this. It doesn't help, just entrenches the situation. You can self certify for a week and unless there are genuine and serious mental health issues then going back is usually the best thing. And, as a GP, I'm only hearing one side of the story. On occasion I have had reason to see documents etc which show that there was a significant other side to it.

Obviously this is meant as a general comment and not individual health advice to the OP.

HauntedNoddyCar Tue 25-Feb-14 19:15:23

Slow apologies if the late night phone typing turn of phrase annoyed you.

Ime that semi official note from the GP can kickstart a process of dealing with it. It certainly did for me. My manager listened and we were able to resolve the situation I'd been in brilliantly for everyone.

It does also give the op time to work out what is best plus the physical and mental effects of stress can be recorded.

Hope the op has had a better day.

FabULouse Tue 25-Feb-14 19:28:00

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Blueskiesandcherrypies Tue 25-Feb-14 19:38:42

Op, you have absolutely done the right thing.

I agree that you do need some medical support so make a GP appointment asap. It will help, from a legal point of view, to have it documented in your notes (you had some very odd comments up thread about stress issues - what you have been through could lead the strongest of people to become stressed).

Also agree that you should get urgent legal advice re constructive dismissal. Most good firms will offer a free initial consultation.

Good luck.

slowcomputer Tue 25-Feb-14 20:01:44

fabulouse if you read my post it says that I would assess mental health, which involves listening, showing empathy etc. Someone who needs CBT and antidepressants may well need a period of time signed off - for depression not stress. It is the attitude of "just go to your GP and get signed off for a couple of weeks" that I often see on mumsnet regarding work disputes that is very annoying, and, FWIW, it trivialises genuine mental health problems like you have if healthy people are asking for a note as part of a war with their manager.

takingthathometomomma Tue 25-Feb-14 20:06:03

The NHS is fucked because of stress, Macdoodle?

HauntedNoddyCar Tue 25-Feb-14 20:14:10

Op clearly indicates in the op that this has been affecting her for months. When I went in to see my GP I was seriously depressed - I suffer from it anyway - and was on the verge of total collapse.

It's a turn of phrase that's all. And a bit scary if you are suffering to hear that in order to deal with work place bullying you have to have something on your medical record that may have to be declared for 20+ years on mortgage applications, insurance etc. It stopped me seeking help at times.

maddening Tue 25-Feb-14 20:17:00

shit macdoodle you must tell the doctors that they've been labouring unnecessarily all these years.

ThursdayLast Tue 25-Feb-14 20:22:56

I can't understand your point macdoodle. The NHS won't be paying the OPs sick pay or redundancy. The only thing it'll be giving is the doctors time during the appointment.
Which is what is there for. Hardly fucking up the system.

I think it's a sensible suggestion OP. I have a friend who was so stressed with only the fertility treatment (not bullying too) that she was signed off and it did her the world of good.
I hope you are able to feel better soon thanks

slowcomputer Tue 25-Feb-14 20:57:13

Nationwide I would say that hundreds, if not thousands of GP appointments are taken up each year by people wanting to enlist the GP in their fight with the boss. Not depressed, just wanting to "get signed off work with stress". Add that to all the other non medical things that people want us to do and it takes up an awful lot of time. So macdoodle has a point.

Again, if someone is truly depressed then of course they should see their GP. but if you are fine at the weekends, fine when off work and just get stressed on a Monday morning then you maybe need a new job, or to get your union rep involved, but you don't need to see your GP.

paxtecum Tue 25-Feb-14 21:30:26

Slow: my friend was so stressed at work he collapsed, was hospitilised with suspected heart attack, then suspected stroke. He was in for over a week and had various tests. It was in fact stress.
He worked for the NHS and had done for 40 years.

HR and the union were useless.

A visit to the GPs may well have helped him.

NearTheWindymill Tue 25-Feb-14 21:40:22

slowcomputer as an HR manager I have seen more fit notes with "work related stress* on them than I have had hot dinners. I also see stress and anxiety and depression on a very regular basis. Often for employees who are extraordinarily vexatious and when there are two sides to the story. For every GP like you I would estimate there are half a dozen who happily sign off people who have little wrong with them except that they are driven to litigate and often when they are not performing and need to be performance managed.

My advice to the OP would be to telephone tomorrow and report that you are unwell due to stress and anxiety. I would then set out in writing why you do not wish to return to work and that you are considering resigning. That needs to be sent to HR, preferably the director. If you raise a grievance what you say will have to be evidenced by third parties.

In your circumstances you want to reach a reasonable resolution. It sounds as though the workplace relationships are fractured. I think it would be in your best interests to seek a settlement agreement for your notice period and accrued annual leave, perhaps a week or two more and an agreed reference.

Doctors notes and long periods off work with no attempt at resolution won't help you in the longer term; the result of that will be a poor absence record and a less than optimum reference.

Deal with it maturely and sensibly and truthfully and you will retain the respect of the organisation, your own self respect and the best possible platform from which to move on. Sometimes you can't change things but you can try to extract yourself as elegantly as possible. And at the end of the day HR usually know what's going on (believe it or not) but it can be very difficult to take action when people won't put speak out and too often they don't for a variety of reasons even when matters would be taken seriously.

slowcomputer Tue 25-Feb-14 22:11:19

Doctors notes and long periods off work with no attempt at resolution won't help you in the longer term; the result of that will be a poor absence record and a less than optimum reference.

Thank you nearthewindymill

Again, I am of course not talking about people on the verge of a heart attack or stroke, just that many many people seek a sick note as a weapon. And I'm fully aware that many of my colleagues issue them, some of the most complicated things I have dealt with are issues around inheriting patients who have been signed off long term with work related stress and then moved GP. It is why I never write that on a note! Either you are ill - with depression maybe, or an acute crisis reaction - or you're not. But stress in itself isn't an illness. It may cause or contribute to a physicar mental illness, but it isn't an illness in itself.

bouncingbelle Tue 25-Feb-14 22:33:54

Thanks all for all the opinions. Thinking slightly more clearly today. I,ve been documenting my problems with this woman for over a year and have had 3 meetings already with senior management about her - she, of course, denied it all, but at least I have a record to help me put it all in writing.
The 'stress' caused by her wasn't just a Monday- Friday thing, I couldn't sleep, my evenings and weekends were spent with palpitations at the thought of going back, crying, stressing that the stress would affect the fertility treatment, being on edge with my's been a living nightmare - and I'm not an easily intimidated person. I did have a stroke aged 31 through a clot caused by an irregular heart rate (exaserbated by stress) so for me it really is medical - I can't let work affect my health to that extent.
I went to the gp today and he,s signed me off for two weeks with 'work related stress'. I'm to have a meeting with my senior boss and hr on Friday, but to be honest I'm not sure if I,ll have a chance to speak to acas and act on their advice.
It has since came out that the new senior boss has already been made aware of my bullying line managers poor management and people skills so if nothing else, I hope this situation will highlight this more. She,s their problem now, not mine smile

NearTheWindymill Tue 25-Feb-14 22:34:19

I've been tempted to ring up some of your "colleagues" occasionally slow and point out the extent to which some people have been supported and ask if they can sleep at night when they know they must be diddling the system by constantly writing fit notes and allowing people to claim the maximum possible sick pay from the public sector.

What really gets my goat is when I get lambasted for managing absence rigorously. What so many don't know is that I have to so that I can make a case to extend pay for people who have cancer, or who get MRSA after an operation, sometimes with dependent children and who are very ill indeed. I have been known to pitch up on doorsteps with bags of food before now and to actually take people who I know are having a break down to the doctor. Sadly that's the stuff that never gets gossiped about - it's just the stuff where HR are perceived as useless because there isn't enough of a case to take action.

As you were.

HauntedNoddyCar Tue 25-Feb-14 23:11:40

Bouncing that sounds good. I'm sorry my phraseology has derailed the thread though.

Good luck.

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