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Was I wrong or was my mum

(101 Posts)
6tantrumsaday Mon 24-Feb-14 20:50:07

So it's half term this week here and me and DH somehow managed to get a few hours to ourselves our youngest two were in playdates and my eldest two were at out neighbours house helping out.

So we were watching tv on the sofa together when my mum walked in and shouted 'what the hell are you doing' I told her to calm down we were just sitting together. She said she could see that and it was disgusting. I said she was being silly we were just sitting here doing nothing and she needed to calm down.
She grumbled and said she was fed up of my backchat. I ignored her.

Then she asked where the DCs had gone. I explained to her and she said that it was just like me to get rid of my DCs and she never abandoned me or my brother. I told her they were happy and to just leave it. She got upset saying they couldn't be happy in school and I was a lazy mum for leaving them there. (She home educated me and my DB and thinks schools are substandard compared to her teaching)
I ignored her again because I have had this argument many times before and I didn't want to have it again.

A little later and whilst she was 'going to the toilet' she found DDs school bag which 'fell' open and she saw some of DDs work. DD is struggling with learning the alphabet so the teacher had sent back some of her work to show us were she was going wrong and some activities to do in the week. My mum just wouldn't shut up about how this was my fault and the schools fault and she was disgusted with me for letting my DCs down.

In the end I got annoyed and told her to go if it upset her that much. She left saying that she hated me and she was fed up of my stupidity.

An hour ago my mum's DH rang our house saying I had really upset her and she couldn't sleep and if I was mean to her again I would have to answer to him. I told him that my mum was unreasonable and he said that I was in the wrong because she wanted the best for my DCs.

So was I being unreasonable because other than the part when I got angry with her I don't think I am in the wrong and yet when things like this happen it's always me who has bullied my poor mum.

So I am throwing it to you AIBU?

Musicaltheatremum Mon 24-Feb-14 20:52:16

Why was your mum walking into your house? She was completely unreasonable.

Droflove Mon 24-Feb-14 20:52:17

She needs to get out of your face. Yanbu. I wouldn't put up with that from my mother.

BonaDea Mon 24-Feb-14 20:52:25

Yanbu and you know it.

Your mum sounds slightly unhinged.

Pimpf Mon 24-Feb-14 20:52:28

Your mum is the unreasonable one. And wtf was her dh on about, upset her and you'll answer to him? My answer would be go screw yourself you stupid twat!

Groovee Mon 24-Feb-14 20:53:13

Your mum walked in to your house and started ranting at you for snuggling up with your DH? She was very unreasonable and should apologise. It sounds like she doesn't trust anyone to do anything which isn't her way.

Toofattorun Mon 24-Feb-14 20:53:18

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Does she always boss you about and put you down like that? She sounds awful from your post.

MyPrettyToes Mon 24-Feb-14 20:53:33

You mother is a horrible woman. She is the bully.

You a better person than me because I would told her to piss off and thrown her out after the sofa incident.

EverybodysStressyEyed Mon 24-Feb-14 20:53:40


You should tell her you blame your stupidity on your education....

WeAreSix Mon 24-Feb-14 20:54:47


My answer to her calling me stupid? Must've been the substandard education, Mother.

SaucyJack Mon 24-Feb-14 20:56:50

Set a silent alarm in your front garden, then be ready to be on your knees sucking his dick for next time she walks in uninvited.

backwardpossom Mon 24-Feb-14 20:58:31

YABU - next time you should be having mad passionate sex on the rug rather than sitting watching TV. That would give her something to talk about. grin

Seriously though, WTF? Your mother sounds completely unhinged. Of course YANBU!

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Mon 24-Feb-14 20:58:41


but why on earth did you put up with your mother speaking to you like that? Or her husband

after her initial (and frankly weird) comments did you just let her stay and insult you?

BobFlemming Mon 24-Feb-14 20:59:11

"Set a silent alarm in your front garden, then be ready to be on your knees sucking his dick for next time she walks in uninvited."

"Stick the kettle on mum, we're up to the vinegars."

6tantrumsaday Mon 24-Feb-14 21:00:04

I used to tell her when I was a teenager and she used to call me stupid that it had to be her fault because she educated me and she gave birth to me so it wasn't fault. grin

She walked into my house because that's just what she does if the door is open. Though needless to say she doesn't have a house key.

whereisshe Mon 24-Feb-14 21:00:06

Bloody hell. She's behaving like a teenager. How old is she and does she have any kind of career (or anything to occupy her that's not family)? Sounds like chronic empty nest syndrome to me- ie she doesn't want to acknowledge that you're an adult and out of her control. Is she always like that?

ExBrightonBell Mon 24-Feb-14 21:02:10

Get a door chain or a bolt on your door so she can't walk in unannounced any more?

greenfolder Mon 24-Feb-14 21:02:29

change lock on door

tell her not to bother ever popping by- you need 24 hrs notice

tell her you will not discuss education

maybe being home educated left you unable to stick up for yourself.

backwardpossom Mon 24-Feb-14 21:03:28

"Stick the kettle on mum, we're up to the vinegars."


6tantrumsaday Mon 24-Feb-14 21:05:33

saucyjack and backwardposson grin
I think I should do that next time. I don't think she would be able to look me in the eyes again.

She does tend to speak to me like that if we aren't in public.I guess I am used to it now and I usually just ignore it.

Cakebaker35 Mon 24-Feb-14 21:07:17

She sounds as mad as a bag of snakes, sorry. Get a bloody great bolt for your door and use it.

Piscivorus Mon 24-Feb-14 21:08:06

I think you need to tell her these are your children, not hers, and she needs to back off.

Sunnysummer Mon 24-Feb-14 21:08:10

Chain or bolt on the door. Or change the friggin locks!

Sounds like she doesn't see you as an adult, really. 'Backchat' is something a dependent child night give a parent (and even then it's a bit too dismissive for my tastes), certainly not a grown woman with husband and kids of her own, IN HER OWN HOME.

Definitely time to set some boundaries hmm

6tantrumsaday Mon 24-Feb-14 21:08:27

We do have a chain for the door but we left it off so the DCs could come in if they wanted to.

MarmaladeShatkins Mon 24-Feb-14 21:09:47

Your mother sounds like a right cunt.


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