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To have "had words" with DS2's friend

(22 Posts)
Notify Mon 24-Feb-14 15:51:47

He said something DS2 did was a "spazattack"

He looked at me like I was mad when I said it wasn't a good word so I said "Spaz comes from the word Spastic". Do you know what that means?" He didn't and we had a discussion about that and why it was wrong.

I'm sure he still thinks I was OTT. Was I? They're 10yo

Sirzy Mon 24-Feb-14 15:52:50

Spot on IMO, you told him it was wrong and explained why.

mrsjay Mon 24-Feb-14 15:54:11

no I dont think you were ott in anyway you told the boy not to say it explained to him why he wasnt to say it job done good for you

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 24-Feb-14 16:02:27

I think that was fine. The boy didn't know; now he does.

I remember that we went through a period of calling each other 'Joey' in school - until we were told the basis of that. Nobody did it after that.

Education is a very good thing and I think you handled it well.

Burren Mon 24-Feb-14 16:10:49

'Joey', Lying? I don't know that one...?

Yanbu in the least, OP. You sound like you handled it well - he was speaking in genuine ignorance of why something was offensive, and you gently made him aware of the issues without getting angry. I remember being corrected by the mother of a deaf child when I was eight or so for referring to the 'Deaf and Dumb Hour' at the swimming pool - I was just copying what the adults around me said, and had no idea it was offensive. I probably looked like a stranded codfish at the time, but it has stayed with me.

Hoppinggreen Mon 24-Feb-14 16:17:33

I remember people calling each other - "Joey" at school.
It was from the Blue Peter annual appeal where they were appealing for money to help adapt a house for a man called Joey Deacon who had disabilities.
I can clearly remember all the horrible impressions of him some people did but as a 9/10 year I don't think I really understood why it was so wrong.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 24-Feb-14 16:20:56

Thank you, Hopping, yes that's the one. I felt awful.

But not so awful that some time later I didn't copy a child with a lisp though... I was pulled up on that too, thank goodness. Kids can do the most stupid and pointless things without realising that these have an impact and shouldn't be said at all.

Notify Mon 24-Feb-14 16:21:06

Joey Deacon (?) was a "spastic" boy featured on Blue Peter in the days when that word was in common use. It became an insult to be "a joey" and the children of the day knew exactly what it meant. sad

Joey was instrumental in bringing about the better understanding we have now smile

BringBackBod Mon 24-Feb-14 16:21:21

Burren Joey Deacon was a guy with severe cerebral palsy who used to appear regularly on Blue Peter in the 70s/80s.

Poledra Mon 24-Feb-14 16:23:32

My 10-yo DD came home from school recently and asked me if I could explain a word to her. She felt that the word was 'bad' but didn't know why. The word was 'spastic'. I explained it, she understands now why it is wrong and will not use it (and, knowing my DD, will tell other children why it's not right).

You did the same sort of thing. No over-reaction, you told him it wasn't good, explained why and hopefully, he'll not use it again. Good job.

ReadyToPopAndFresh Mon 24-Feb-14 16:25:35

YANBU, if he had said "bitch" or "arse" and genuinely didn't know it was a nasty word... you'd tell him off wouldn't you?

ahlahktuhflomp Mon 24-Feb-14 16:25:54

Is the child of American parentage? The word "spaz" does not necessarily have the same connotations of ripping into severely disabled people for yanks.

Notify Mon 24-Feb-14 16:30:57

No he's not American - the word or versions of it are in very common use around here. No one means it as an insult to the disabled, for most it has become synonymous with stupid (but i object to that word too!) I doubt many realise it's origins

whitsernam Mon 24-Feb-14 16:34:01

Notify - Sorry, but "yanks" also know to not call someone "spaz" or any other term referring to disabilities.

usernameunknown Mon 24-Feb-14 16:38:11

Omg we used to call each other Joey Deacon's as an insult at primary school but I, personally, had no idea that's why or what it meant until now sad.

Notify Mon 24-Feb-14 16:41:07

Sorry whitsernam I don't understand your post. I was responding to ahlah

mrsjay Mon 24-Feb-14 16:41:59

oh god just remembered the joey thing blush

Americans use the word Spaz just the same and even if the boy was American then the op was right to gently put him right

ReadyToPopAndFresh Mon 24-Feb-14 16:45:02

We use it in America (or maybe just "spastic". And it's just as bad I was told off by my grandmother for saying it blush

FrimpongDench Mon 24-Feb-14 16:53:18

I once got the catsbumface from my SIL for telling my DN not to use the word 'mong' hmm I don't care if it's too pc. I have a go at my ASD DC using 'moron' and have even explained it's a word someone might have used to describe him in years gone by.

Burren Mon 24-Feb-14 16:54:09

Thanks for 'Joey' explanation - had never heard of this, but am a foreigner and thus completely ignorant of Blue Peter.

mrsjay Mon 24-Feb-14 16:54:32

my dds went through a phase of RETARD that was nipped int he bud quickly

mrsjay Mon 24-Feb-14 16:56:47

as a disabled person (as a kid i had them all thrown at me) so i am hyper sensitive to words like most reasonable people really when you hear them used you are quick to correct if these words become the norm then children are desensitsed (sp) to them and adults sadly which is bloody worse

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