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Massive argument

(10 Posts)
Tension1000 Mon 24-Feb-14 14:36:25

Last night I had a massive argument with DH, something quite small triggered the deepest anger, I was relentless, I tore him down on every thing that had been bugging me recently. Things needed to be said, I let him have it. He was bewildered, but eventually accepting.

I just came on….

What are the odds IWBU?

runningonwillpower Mon 24-Feb-14 14:39:24

It's a rare event when it's all the other person's fault.

He's had time to think.

Maybe he'll have stuff to tell you that's been bugging him.

henrysmate Mon 24-Feb-14 14:39:44

"tore him down" I reckon that phrase says it all. Apologise to him now, then take your time working out what's really pissing you off so badly.

IAmNotAMindReader Mon 24-Feb-14 14:48:21

YWBU. Any points you had lost their validity and weight if they just poured forth in such a torrent of anger. As you said your DH was bewildered, he probably didn't even catch everything you said.
Tore him down also implies you knew the way you approached it was humiliating to him, or at least you would have found it humiliating to be on the receiving end of.

Apologise and take time out to work out are the issues really issues with him and not something you could or should compromise on. If they are his issues how do you address them in a way that will be constructive to you both and the relationship as a whole.

Finola1step Mon 24-Feb-14 14:52:03

Oh dear. The "tore him down" part really says it all. If someone did that to me, I would be shell shocked probably. I would listen and respond minimally. I would then go away and lick my wounds. Then I would probably get a bit angry and think if all the things I wish I had said in my defence. And so the argument would continue as I would give both barrels.

How are you feeling about your DH and marriage now?

Scholes34 Mon 24-Feb-14 14:57:57

Have you recently had a Mirena coil fitted?

ahlahktuhflomp Mon 24-Feb-14 15:34:22


Never mind, he's a man, it is in the job description to be the occasional target and these things can usually be fixed. smile

DoJo Mon 24-Feb-14 15:37:08

It sounds like you think you were needlessly harsh, but don't necessarily think you were wrong. Perhaps you need to have a calmer conversation (probably beginning with an apology from you) and address any issues properly.

FWIW - I don't believe in things festering, so if something isn't important enough to talk about when it happens then it's not fair to bring it up at a later date to 'prove a point'. Obviously if a pattern of behaviour is developing, then you don't necessarily register straight away, but if it's something that makes you that angry, you shouldn't add it on to a long list of grievances as it means that you just unleash a torrent rather than a reasoned argument.

DamnBamboo Mon 24-Feb-14 16:29:04

Why tear him down on everything that has been bugging you?
Very childish and an inappropriate way to air your grievances - no matter how angry you are.

Is he not worthy of having his shortcomings pointed out to home respectfully and kindly?

Hegsy Mon 24-Feb-14 16:32:56

YWBU can you imagine the responses if you had came on here and said your DH had 'tore you down?'

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