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To be utterly shocked that someone in their mid 30's can hold such sexist and homophobic views.

(105 Posts)
Needsmorecake Mon 24-Feb-14 12:50:57

Just got back from a date which my instincts told me not to go on....

Wish i had listened to myself as ive just had a coffee with the most sexist and homophobic arse i have ever met.

He started a rant about ' poofs' which he didnt stop when i said i had lots of gay friends, nor when i tried to change the subject.

His sexism left me open mouthed.

Im dumbfounded that someone who is 34 can hold such views.

Finola1step Mon 24-Feb-14 12:52:11

But you now have a very strong idea why he is single!

StrawberryCheese Mon 24-Feb-14 12:53:06

I would assume any person of that age who holds such views to not be very well educated. Sounds like you had a lucky escape!

AgaPanthers Mon 24-Feb-14 12:53:14

it's not unusual, honestly. Not everyone is liberal.

Pagwatch Mon 24-Feb-14 12:53:47

There are no age limits for stupid.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 24-Feb-14 12:56:46

No wonder he's single.

Wonder whAt he'd feel about " poofs" when ones a surgeon about to save his life hmm

Needsmorecake Mon 24-Feb-14 12:59:18

but im single, and i dont think that, so smile

im just gobsmacked, really, really gobsmacked.

its not even about being liberal is it, its just about not being a dickhead.

Tuhlulah Mon 24-Feb-14 13:02:48

I think you are being a little unreasonable to be shocked. I have met many many many many men who think like this. Even the ones who profess to be liberal often have a sneaking little objection to homosexual men, and a few more quirky little views about women.

HarpyFishwifeTwat Mon 24-Feb-14 13:06:20

When I was about 22 I went out on a couple of dates with a guy the same age. He was clever, funny and seemed very liberal. Then he started trying to impress me with stories of how his friends liked to go "queer-bashing". Totally threw me that a guy my own age could have such views - until then I had just assumed homophobia was the preserve of old, religious people who weren't actually nasty , just from a different era.

Sadly it's still prevalent in all age groups.

SinisterBuggyMonth Mon 24-Feb-14 13:08:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Needsmorecake Mon 24-Feb-14 13:12:37

Im in east anglia.


shakethetree Mon 24-Feb-14 13:17:44

You went for a coffee & he immediately went into a rant about homosexuals? how strange? & on your first meeting too. Glad I'm not on the dating scene.

missmash Mon 24-Feb-14 13:18:03

I had a similar experience with a guy I had met and gone on a few dates with. He knew I used to work in a country with a majority black population and on one date it all seemed to bug him.
He asked if I had dated a black guy which I replied yes at that point he jumped up and started shouting at me (we were in a bar) about how vile I was and how ashamed I should be, he was also disgusted that he had kissed someone who had also kissed a black guy. I was literally chased down the street while he screamed at me, horrible experience.
I was totally floored by this and have never managed to get my head round it, he seemed a lovely guy but you never know what prejudices people can have.
Sorry you've had this experience, It's not the majority who hold these kinds of beliefs, most people are well balanced in their opinions, I hope anyway!!!!

wonkylegs Mon 24-Feb-14 13:24:01

My 31 yo brother is terribly homophobic. It's at odds with his background and education but he is. Although nowadays we tend to avoid the subject we have had some steaming rows on the issue especially as for my years I lived with my gay best friend.
I love my brother but he can be an arse, albeit a usually intelligent, well educated bigot of an arse.

wonkylegs Mon 24-Feb-14 13:24:25

* many not my

Needsmorecake Mon 24-Feb-14 13:26:07

shakethetree, not immediately, but he did. Yes, bloody strange i think. He brought it up because he thought a mutual friend was gay, hes not.

It was embarrassing as he was doing ' gay' hand gestures and putting on a voice, in public.

Fairylea Mon 24-Feb-14 13:26:57

At the risk of being absolutely flamed I too am from East anglia having moved here from very liberal south London and I found it a bit of an eye opener how conservative and old fashioned some of the views held around here are... especially with regards to being gay or being any other colour than white.

It's very sad really. My mum (who is in her 60s, but a young 60 if that makes sense) has been on so many dates with men who turn out to be total ogres who rant on about the amount of "poofs" and "blacks" that have moved into norfolk recently. Obviously she quickly makes an escape and blocks their numbers.

I have no idea why it's like that and it's certainly not everyone but there are a fair few around like that.

(Possibly been ironic there myself and been discriminatory towards East anglia.... oh dear).

OxfordBags Mon 24-Feb-14 13:29:24

Study after study shows that the more homophobic a person is, the more likely they are to be stifling or denying homosexual desires in themselves. You should've told him that grin

PikaAchooo Mon 24-Feb-14 13:31:26

I think you're lucky to be shocked by it. Where I live it is all too common. I can't stand it. Least you found out on the first date though.

halfwildlingwoman Mon 24-Feb-14 13:33:12

Having moved from cosmopolitan London to the sticks, I can confirm that not everyone is 'nice'. I can't believe how many people read the Mail, or enter into racist rants in the staffroom, or raise their eyebrows about anyone that's different in any way. Many of pupils in the school I teach are horribly homophobic.

Cringechilli Mon 24-Feb-14 13:36:50

It isn't unusual. I know a mum aged about 35-40 who doesn't want her 8yo and 6yo to know about gay people. My dc have known that you marry the person you love whether they are male or female since they were 2 or 3yo and she was shocked I had told my kids such a thing!

Tuhlulah Mon 24-Feb-14 13:43:05

It's not limited to East Anglia (I lived there for quite some time). In Mothercare, Brent Cross a few months ago I overheard a man telling his very pregnant ladyfriend that they couldn't buy a baby grow in a certain colour because they baby would think it was a girl, and he didn't want it growing up to be 'queer'. Oh deary me.

Needsmorecake Mon 24-Feb-14 13:48:04

I dont ever come across it, i guess i move in different social circles.

Which is maybe why i find it so shocking, I just dont really understand how someone the same age as me can have such a bigoted opion.

ahlahktuhflomp Mon 24-Feb-14 13:49:23

You're shocked someone sees the world differently to you?

YABU get out more.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Mon 24-Feb-14 13:49:33

What age should a sexist homophobe be then? confused

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