...to advise my daughter to "tell" on her best friend.

[parakeet]

Background is that daughter and friend are in Y3. They both play with others but do seem to like each other the best, and call each other their "best friends" etc. We really get on with her parents.

Lately my daughter has ended up in tears a few times over friend's behaviour - some of it fairly typical stuff such as friend being "bossy" or running away and leaving her out. I have noticed the friend can be rather histrionic eg I have seen her go off and sulk, desperate for attention. Daughter says she often does this at school, and she expects daughter to run after her saying sorry.

But what is concerning me now is that daughter says friend sometimes pushes her to the floor and runs off laughing. Now daughter is very small for her age (in size six clothes) while friend is tall (size nine). If a 9-year-old was pushing a 6-year-old about we would call that bullying.

I don't know whether to (a) advise daughter to "tell" the teacher on her (b) discuss with teacher myself (c) discuss with friend's mum, who I'm sure would try to help, or (d) advise daughter not to play with her anymore. I'm leaning towards (a) as I prefer not to get too involved. What does MN say?

[plum100]

C

[Rummikub]

Talk to teacher. They need to know and keep eye on situation.

[Annunziata]

She should report the pushing but I wouldn't worry about the huffs.

[ButEmilylovedhim]

Go and see the teacher. It happens in school, so school's responsibility to do something about it. It's neither here nor there whether it's her "best friend". It's too much for your daughter to do. She will feel quite torn and possibly disloyal and it may be hard for her to say anything and not be overheard by the other children. Teachers take much more notice of parents ime. Children can be dismissed more easily.

I had to do this recently. DDs best friend was not being kind. A quick word to the teacher in the morning, whole situation much better very quickly.

[parakeet]

Thanks for the replies. I don't want to appear as though I'm rejecting the advice I asked for, but I'm worried that if I go straight to the teacher, when the friend's mum hears she will be upset with me - that I've "told" on her daughter without giving her the chance to sort it out first.

[Rummikub]

Ask the teacher for discretion.

[Joolsy]

What you've said above is what happened to me - I spoke to the teacher about DD & her friend as DD was saying her friend was hitting her, the mum found out & we fell out about it. So might be best to speak to the other girl's mum first.

[chocoluvva]

The teacher should not divulge your identity to your DD's friend's mum. Just the fact of a telling off from the teacher will hopefully be enough to stop the behaviour.

[MeMySonAndI]

Tell the teacher, don't talk to the mum yet. They might be able to get the problem sorted at school without telling the other parent.

It is just pushing, it is not a big complaint. Having said that, tell your DD that she needs to start playing with other kids (try to invite some for tea), as as long as she sees this girl as her "best friend" the other girl has a lot of power over her.

If she plays with other kids, the moment the other one starts being a drama queen she will get distracted and go and play with the other ones.

[whatsagoodusername]

If you think the mother would try to do something instead of being offended that you've accused her little angel then I would talk to the mother.

Perhaps then mention it to the teacher so she can keep an eye on them in school.

[Rummikub]

I had the same with my dd, she didnt want to say anything, nor for me to get involved. We tried role play, where I would be my dd she would be the friend so we could play out strategies. It was interesting as a side effect that much more was revealed about the situation.

I knew the mum,friendly with her,but decided to present the situation to the teacher explaining my dd wasn't keen on raising it.

Teacher was great, discrete and all sorted out so no one dominates or manipulates in the friendship.

[parakeet]

Thanks for further replies. I think for now I am going to try a pep talk and advice about ignoring drama llama behaviour tomorrow morning, along with a role play, as suggested. And then see how it goes this week.