Wondering if I have been unreasonable?(6 Posts)
Need some other perspectives please and also if I write it down I might see the other point of view better - am a regular but name changed for this.
MIL phoned me 10 days ago and asked if we wanted to have a family get together as there were a few birthdays and anniversaries at the moment, idea was to go to a very special restaurant that we have all been to only twice in my 12 years of marriage, one time being BIL's wedding and once being MIL and FIL's Ruby wedding anniversary 2 years ago. Dates of birthdays are FIL - 18th Feb, BIL 7th March, Mine 9th March Anniversaries - PIL 11th March, BIL's 7th May.
I am convinced I said to MIL that it would be lovely to get together but the only date we couldn't do was the 8th March but let me know what dates BIL could do as he was our biggest consideration as he works away for 2 -3 weeks at a time. Maybe I didn't mention we were busy on the 8th and just said yes give me some dates that BIL can do and we will go from there. But anyway it was a pretty vague conversation about starting to arrange a suitable time for all.
Any DH saw them last week and rang me to say 8th March is the date (he is absolutely awful at remembering anything we have in our diary which doesn't help). I said oh but we can't do that date as we have a pre-arranged hotel night out with good friends to celebrate her and my birthdays, I already told your mum we couldn't do the 8th so can you ask your parents what other days we could do - when else is BIL available in March.
DH spoke to his parents who said no - 8th March is the date and that's what they are sticking to. I felt really upset by this as felt unwanted and that my birthday wasn't worth consideration, plus felt upset for my DH who would love a family get together particularly with his brother they adore each other and don't get to see each other often. I thought I would give it a few days in case me and DH had somehow got the wrong end of the stick and there was still a conversation to be had about it.
PIL dropped our DD off today, all was fine until they were going to leave and MIL said something about sorry not being able to see us on the 8th, I said well is there no other days we could do to suit everyone? She looked a bit affronted and said no - its our anniversary and BIL's birthday around that time, BIL can only do that date so that's it. I said what about April, can BIL not do April and she said yes he could and he could also do 2 weeks after the 8th and they would be happy to have a get together but no the special restaurant was only on the 8th. I said okay we know when we are not wanted ho ho ho and she said it's not that you aren't wanted - you blew us off, you now have something else on. Whilst this was being said FIL was almost out of the door and MIL was speaking to me whilst following him so I said err no the hotel has been booked for months and I told you we couldn't do the 8th when we spoke on the phone. By this time MIL was out of the door and I am not sure she even heard what I said.
So opinions wanted, I feel like I have somehow royally messed up and upset people but can't see what I have done wrong. DH and I are looking at each other bemused...
Sounds like a misunderstanding, rather than a snub. Let DH follow it up and you'll find mil didnt write down your date and has got the wrong end of the stick.
I agree with Euphemia and gimcrack. It's a shame - but you can still see your friends and your DH can go to the get-together.
Sorry if I have confused "my thing" is with mine and DH's great friends, coincidentally Mrs friend and I have birthdays around the same time. DH wouldn't miss it for the world as it has been arranged for months and something the four of us do a couple of times a year to celebrate birthdays etc.
Oh. That's a shame.
Does your BIL know you won't be able to make it to the family do?
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