Ds is 11 and goes to his fathers house EOW. His father lives a four hour drive away, and dh and I do all the traveling to facilitate contact, dropping ds on a Friday night and picking up on a Sunday afternoon. Pain in the arse, but I was the one who moved away - although when I moved, ex had a tenancy agreed on a flat in the town I was moving too (where we are both originally from) but then met a woman and decided to stay put at the last min.
Anyhow, I am currently very pregnant and the past few weeks dh has done the journeys alone as I really don't think I am up to an 8 hour round trip twice in a weekend as I've had a few problems recently. My consultant also said she'd really rather I was not too far from the hopital as ds arrived early and v fast labour ending in section, this baby is breech to complicate things further. Don't fancy a breech vbac on the hard shoulder!
Anyway, I have a date for my section, it's on a Friday that ds is due to go. So dh would have to pick him up from school and then head off on an 8 hour round trip. He might even miss the birth as I could still be waiting for my section at 2.15 which is when he'd have to leave to get to ds school in time to pick him up. He'd then be away all day on the Sunday.
I have asked ex today if ds could be here that weekend - to be honest, I'd like him to be the first to meet his new sister, and I know I will just want to see ds as soon as I can.
Also, as ds was early I am kind of expecting this baby to be early to. If ds is away, I have asked ex if he can bring ds home, I don't want dh to have to leave me while I am giving birth to go and get ds.
Any missed weekends, exh can have ds for two in a row afterwards, we are willing to be flexable.
Ex has said no to everything. The weekends have to stay as they are.
Ds is so terrified of upsetting his dad that he won't say anything. He gets imotionally blackmailed and gets told "if you don't want to see me, I'll never see you again" if he ever broaches changing a weekend so now he doesn't bother.
Exh told me to 'grow up' and that if I couldn't cope without dh there then he's worried how I will cope with a new baby and ds (ex h was at ds birth, but very begrudgingly as he was supposed to meet up wih a fire d for lunch, I was accused of going into labour early to ruin it!).
Fwiw, if it was the other way round I would bend over backwards to accommodate him being with his wife.
I don't want to run the risk of giving birth alone, dh would be devistasted to miss his daughters birth, I want ds to come to see me/her ASAP when she's born and I am worried about the saftey of ds driving with dh if he's worried/anxious etc.
Surely I am not being unreasonable?
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AIBU?
To want a bit of flexability from ex regarding contact?
96 replies
Loopylouu · 23/02/2014 13:22
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needaholidaynow ·
23/02/2014 13:52
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needaholidaynow ·
23/02/2014 13:54
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