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to not really understand understand some parts of controlled crying

(25 Posts)
flouncymcflouncerson Sun 23-Feb-14 05:44:13

Hello . I know this isn't the place but I need quick replies! I know is a controversial sleep training method but I've reached breaking point so we are are doing CC. I would. Prefer to get into the reasons and everything why people don't choose this this method. We have. End of story is really.

However. ... I'm stuck. I'm currently on a 15 min wait. But... Ds keeps stopping for a few minutes then restarting crying. Do reset the timer after he has been quiet a few minutes or it meaning he could have been silent for 4 mins but so again and only cried for 20s before before I'm due in?? Help please!

Oh and how the hell can hubby sleep this!?

purplemurple1 Sun 23-Feb-14 05:52:16

I didn't restart the timer.

We've only done it in the daytime. But no I don't think anyone sleeps for the first few nights.

whatareyoueventalkingabout Sun 23-Feb-14 06:07:57

How much crying? A bit of wailing or full on screaming? If you listen carefully sometimes you can tell that they are giving in

flouncymcflouncerson Sun 23-Feb-14 06:30:20

It's a bit of a mixture..... He seems asleep just now...

CheshireDing Sun 23-Feb-14 06:31:45

I wouldnt have thought you would reset the timer as otherwise he coild be crying for hours couldn't he ?
Also i think you have to wait until they are at least 6 months before trying it.
My husband sleeps in the other room as he would be a wreck for work otherwise - 10 week old is being a right sleep monkey at the moment [yawn]

flouncymcflouncerson Sun 23-Feb-14 06:47:13

He's 16 months smile

We've been cosleeping but now no one is getting any sleep and I feel my mental health so taking action.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Feb-14 06:58:33

I would restart the 15 minutes from the next session of crying. I think where you're all trying to get to is distinguishing the grizzling and other crying sounding shouting which you can safely leave to fizzle out as they self-settle, and genuine sustained crying that needs attention.

YarnyStasher Sun 23-Feb-14 07:01:27

I agree with Cogito.

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 23-Feb-14 07:02:17

The fact your DH sleeps or more likely dozes through the screaming/ crying/ general complaining is because he trusts you. He knows you're onto it and managing the situation.

It took me three nights to almost stop all night time waking.

Stick by the timer, try and get a few hours proper rest of your own in the day at some point.

Good luck

flouncymcflouncerson Sun 23-Feb-14 07:08:04

Thank you. That helps. I Googled and Googled a day let's face it had plenty of time but I couldn't find anything to help me. Just routines etc and timings but nothing on what to do if you were on a wait period but there had been 3/4 mins silence before crying started!

jenecho Sun 23-Feb-14 07:11:12

Hi, we followed a book called the three day nanny, which had a slightly different approach, you had to time the shouting (eg crying but helps to think of it as shouting as that's what it is really) and time the thinking pauses in between, and the pauses should get longer and more frequent. Cant remember all the details but you were only supposed to go in if it escalated and we didn't have to, she was asleep within 15 mins, and three minutes each time after that!

jenecho Sun 23-Feb-14 07:15:04

So applying that to your situation, yes i would reset your timer if he has been asleep or quiet for 4minutes, id say that is a good sign that he is working it out, so going in soon after would just undermine and confuse what you are doing. Good luck!

flouncymcflouncerson Sun 23-Feb-14 07:21:37

Thanks jenecho that's what I thought but I wasn't sure!

It's horrific but if it works within a week we will all be happier. He needs more sleep and so do I!

jenecho Sun 23-Feb-14 07:31:34

Good luck to you, i know its frowned upon on here but essentially its for his benefit in the long run, as he needs his sleep and so do you!

jendot Sun 23-Feb-14 08:13:55

As an ex sleep trainer. Again I would second the need to listen to the tone of cries. There is a massive difference in whinging cry ( can ignore) temper screaming (can ignore) and actual need crying (don't ignore). A lot of the parents I worked with just heard crying...once you can distinguish between cries the whole sleeping and settling thing kind of slots into place and within a few days the whinging and temper cries virtually disappear.
As for resetting the timer... Yes if the pause was longer than a minute or so.

If cc is distressing for YOU I would try the 3 minute method. When baby cries you go in. Say it's sleep time, night night (if he has a fav toy or blanket etc give this) . Lay down, tuck in, no further speech or eye contact. Walk out. Wait 3 minutes then repeat. Wait 4 minutes then repeat, wait 5 minutes then repeat....etc etc must all be done calmly and without emotion. You will find very quickly within days that settling is much much quicker within and night waking much rarer. When he does wake in the night you also have a very clear strategy of how to deal with it.

Peacocklady Sun 23-Feb-14 08:14:00

I reached a similar point with dd. going in renewed her determination though so in the end I had to leave her (she too was about 18 months). It was awful but it worked quickly and she became far better tempered during the day for it. For her it was more like shouting definitely. I think my point is don't worry too much about timings.

flouncymcflouncerson Sun 23-Feb-14 09:27:55

Thanks jendot that's very helpful. Over the last few weeks he has developed quite a temper and as such an anger cry to go with it. When cosleeping he would wake and be unsettled and non comfortable. He would kick and scream and hit and grab which is what got me to the end of my tether.

When cosleeping was working for us the wakening were cope able with but when that starred I decided he'd be safer in the cot and it would be less stressful for us as the parents getting attacked... He's strong!

He wasn't distressed just very angry and frustrated I think as it's been so long since he was in a cot environment.

In the end he fell asleep for 40 mins between 5-7 and then fell back asleep at around 7.40 til 9. This means he actually had more sleep than he would usually.

I think I can say that it wasn't as bad as I'd feared and he still loves me this morning! grin grin

flouncymcflouncerson Sun 23-Feb-14 09:28:28

And thanks peackock too! Good to know of another survivor!

jendot Sun 23-Feb-14 13:52:40

Glad last night wasn't too bad...... he will deffo still love you smile

Another useful tool is a sleep prompt. Does he have something he associates with going to sleep? Blanket, muslin, teddy, dummy? If so confine that thing only to the cot...so that he associates getting that 'thing' with going to sleep. (If you don't currently use anything then buy a special blanket or teddy?). That way he will very quickly know that as he gets 'teddy' it is time to sleep. This is particularly useful if you go on holiday? Relatives? As you can give him the sleep prompt anywhere smile

Stick with it, sounds like you are doing great.

PikaAchooo Sun 23-Feb-14 13:57:14

I did it with my DD it took 30 mins the first night and then 5 the 2nd and 3rd then on the 4th no tears at all. We have had wee relapses over time but have always gone back to the CC method and it worked again.

Once she was asleep from the first night she slept right through though.

I wouldn't restart the timer. A couple of times I maybe left her for a couple of extra minutes because she would have a long spell then a wee cry but if it lasted more than 30 sec (if after the time) I would go in to settle her again.

flouncymcflouncerson Sun 23-Feb-14 20:20:42

Bedtime on night 2. He's been in the cot 10 minutes and cried for less than 30 seconds! He's still awake as making the odd 'uh' noise but so far so amazing!

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 23-Feb-14 20:31:33

Sounds fantastic. Keep strong, be confident in your own convictions and ability. (CC worked for me too)

Many right ways to parent and all that. Glad what you're doing is working for you.

monkeynuts123 Sun 23-Feb-14 21:14:07

biscuit

parakeet Sun 23-Feb-14 21:31:14

Hi, sounds like it's already working but just to say we also did CC at about the same age, and it only took two nights! It benefited both her and us as previously no one was getting the rest they needed. So please ignore the critics of CC you get on here. Best of luck.

flouncymcflouncerson Sun 23-Feb-14 22:31:37

Thanks for the biscuit. It'll go nicely with my hot chocolate!

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