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To get fed up with people that always have to 'trump' anyone else's illness?

(63 Posts)
mollymalloolamoomoy Sat 22-Feb-14 19:58:29

I know someone who does this all the time and she is very irritating. She is an alpha mum type, and I know her from a local mother and toddler group. There are about 10 of us that are friends from the group, and we all meet up regularly with the DC and have mums' nights out.

She always has to have things far worse than anyone else does. Initially it was PND. Several of us in the group, myself included, had it, but somehow she decided hers was far worse than anyone else's, and somehow managed to get the sympathy and attention of the whole group of friends, whilst anyone else with PND was overlooked and basically made to feel that we were lucky as we "hadn't had PND as bad as poor X". This woman also has private healthcare insurance, so she went to see a private psychiatrist, and basically I feel that often with private care you get told whatever you want to hear, as obviously it keeps you paying if you get good treatment. And the private consultant was happy to confirm that her PND was "severe" even though she generally seemed perfectly fine. I'm not saying she didn't have PND by the way, just that I don't think it was any worse than anyone else's.

Now it's the same with her child. If ever anyone else's child is unwell, hers is always far worse. She takes him to see a private GP if her GP doesn't say what she wants to hear. I posted a facebook status a few days ago about my son having a cold, and she replied saying her son was far worse, he had tonsillitis, and that I was lucky it was only a cold. His teething was apparently far worse than the teething that anyone else's child has gone through. Giving birth was apparently far more painful both times that she has gone through it than it has been for anyone else.

She just really annoys me. I can't avoid her unfortunately as we all often meet up, but I just find her so attention seeking.

Sirzy Sat 22-Feb-14 20:02:04

Hmm it is annoying BUT at the same time I couldn't help but wonder if it is all linked to her PND?

Either way its probably best just to ignore and try not to let it get to you. Some people revel in illness (god knows why!) and your not going to change that.

DarlingGrace Sat 22-Feb-14 20:02:14

Private GP? Do these exist? usually with medical insurance you have to see the poor bog grin standard NHS GP and be referred. I await to be told my ins is somehow substandard

RandomMess Sat 22-Feb-14 20:02:20

It's not going to stop there I'm afraid, wait for the competitiveness when they start nursery and then school...

I would find the people in the group you get on the most with and focus on developing a better friendship with them as well as mainting the group.

fifi669 Sat 22-Feb-14 20:02:23

She sounds like a right pain in the arse!

I have a friend that I do like, but she does the 'oh does your DS still do that, DD stopped that 6 months ago'... Or 'are you not potty training yet? Oh it's ok some children take longer, DD has been dry since....'

CoffeeTea103 Sat 22-Feb-14 20:02:25

Just don't entertain her stories. When she starts one just excuse yourself or change the topic. People like this are too exhausting and desperate for attention.

redbinneo Sat 22-Feb-14 20:04:52

Just suggest that you're only a week away from death. She might get better.

CoffeeTea103 Sat 22-Feb-14 20:06:26

Red grin

mollymalloolamoomoy Sat 22-Feb-14 20:06:57

Our DCs have started school this year and she's really competitive about that, and other general child-related things, well actually most things really. Has to have most advanced child, best clothes, most expensive make up etc etc.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sat 22-Feb-14 20:07:33

DMil had a Sil like this. When DMil had a very rare illness that requires specific treatment, lo and behold Sil was going through the same thing. When DMil had cancer, Sil was having treatment for 'cancerous' lumps on her scalp, or cysts as everybody else thought. DMil has since died from her cancer. sad I could have lumped Sil when she said they'd shared a Macmillan nurse. Um, no, you didn't actually. You didn't even see a bloody Macmillan nurse. Bloody attention seeker. It's not empathy, it's attention seeking.

cerealqueen Sat 22-Feb-14 20:11:07

YABU about the PND, I don't think this is something you can judge anybody else about.

YANBU otherwise - just don't join in.

mollymalloolamoomoy Sat 22-Feb-14 20:12:29

Yeah but with regards to the PND she makes out all the time that hers is/has been worse than anyone else's, so if anything I would say it's her doing the judging.

Ilovemydog, your MIL's SIL sounds awful

JockTamsonsBairns Sat 22-Feb-14 20:14:01

We all know someone like this, I'm afraid! No helpful advice really, other than just keep your distance and breathe smile

ImperialBlether Sat 22-Feb-14 20:14:36

Just say, "I knew you were going to say that!" every time she says it.

It will get worse at school. One of the girls in my daughter's class had a mother who was very competitive. She'd spotted my daughter as a competitor and used to rush across the playground to ask me which book she was on. It would make her day when her daughter was on a higher book.

One day I said to her, "Oh your daughter's birthday is on X, isn't it? I didn't realise she was exactly six months older than my daughter." She didn't come near me again.

mollymalloolamoomoy Sat 22-Feb-14 20:14:44

I can never understand why some people get so taken in by people like that. I suppose it's because they go on and on about their illnesses/ailments?

brettgirl2 Sat 22-Feb-14 20:14:52

well I guess it might have been. I had pnd but sil deffo had it worse sad

Even so overall yanbu I hate competitiveness over children. Maybe she should take up tennis if she wants to compete?

expatinscotland Sat 22-Feb-14 20:18:24

And really bad stuff never happens to people like this, either.

mollymalloolamoomoy Sat 22-Feb-14 20:20:41

She also always changes boundaries and opinions to suit herself. She is quite opinionated so will go on and on about her view on something, such as not agreeing with antibiotics for certain illnesses. Then her son gets prescribed antibiotics and she goes on about that and suddenly it's ok to have them.

Viviennemary Sat 22-Feb-14 20:22:07

It does sound a bit irritating. But in the grand scheme of things I don't think I'd be too bothered about this. I think the my child is a genius types are a lot worse. Especially when said child is around one.

Lutrine Sat 22-Feb-14 20:22:18

My Dad had a friend like this at his work, they nicknamed him Topper because whatever you said, he had to top it!

mollymalloolamoomoy Sat 22-Feb-14 20:22:52

LOL @ Topper

Vivienne, oh she thinks her children are geniuses too.

Ledare Sat 22-Feb-14 20:30:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chottie Sat 22-Feb-14 20:42:58

She sounds as if she feels a bit inferior to you, in that she always has to go one better. I would just smile to myself and ignore her.

It's interesting to see so many people have a 'topper' in their lives smile

Punkatheart Sat 22-Feb-14 20:43:02

Blimey it's absurdly funny but at the same time, not funny at all.

Good luck with the biopsy, Ledare

I think we all know the 'Headache? I have a brain tumour ' types.

It is like a game of cards - sick poker if you like. To my shame, I had a friend being totally overwhelned by another friend who was not only bigging up her ailments but belittling my friend's problems. To my shame, I said quietly, 'I have lymphoma' and it shut up the bully - so we could go on with a conversation about something else.

Ah the politics of illness!

MoominIsWaitingToMeetHerMiniMe Sat 22-Feb-14 20:47:25

YANBU, I live with a girl like this.

OH works lates delivering pizza as well as studying full-time, after a few days of continuous shifts followed by full days in uni, housemate asked him how he was. He said 'A bit tired' and she said "You think YOU'RE tired? Have you not seen how much I'm working?". She spent two weeks working two hours a night after uni in a call centre, sitting down, before the job finished.

Asked me how I was and I said my back hurt - I was 23 weeks pregnant and helping to roll out floor mats for our Christmas show, she was sat down watching. She scoffed, rolled her eyes and said "You should try waking up with back pain EVERY day". I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was 23 weeks pregnant, I DID wake up with back pain every day grin

Everything that happens to someone, happens twice as badly to someone she knows, and vice versa. Having a chat with one of my lecturers recently, and she was asking about the pregnancy and plans for when the baby arrives etc, and housemate kept jumping in, telling us all about her friends' pregnancy and what her friends are doing with their babies, and what she'd be doing if she had a baby.

Latest is that she's no longer talking to me and got in a huff with everyone at uni, because I was in hospital for a couple of days and didn't tell her exactly why before I told anyone else. I told my best friend on the course instead, he spread the news around, and apparently she was fuming that I didn't tell her because she's my housemate and she should've been the one to tell everyone and have all the questions etc. Unsurprisingly, she hasn't once asked how I am.

If she does, I'll be telling her all the gruesome details about how my bowels aren't functioning normally and all the lovely side effects that go with it. Not pleasant conversation but would be interesting to see if she tries to 'top it' when it's something distinctly un-glamorous grin

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