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... to be creeped out by this FB status?

(97 Posts)
NabokovsNemesis Sat 22-Feb-14 18:09:05

NC because this may potentially be identifiable IRL.

Friend and mother of a baby girl has posted the following status update on her FB:

FATHERS: Be your daughter's 1st love. Open doors for her, pull her seat out, & talk to/treat her with the utmost respect... Set expectations on how a man should treat a Lady, and she'll never settle for anything less.

I feel really uncomfortable about this. To my ear this sounds like a really unhealthy, possibly somewhat incest-y father/daughter relationship. Freud would have had a field day with this one!

Now, I don't think for even a second that this is what my friend actually means by this. If anything, she arguably thinks of it as a somewhat feminist, raise your daughter's self-worth kind of thing. It's just unluckily chosen/not thought through AFAIK.

Am I being oversensitive here? WIBU to tell her that it smacks of something really creepy and to advise her to remove/rephrase?

LadyAlysVorpatril Sat 22-Feb-14 18:11:17

I think you're reading things into it... it seems fine to me.

Cranky01 Sat 22-Feb-14 18:11:59

There's one about boys, similar to that about mums being their first kiss. Made me cringe.

But I don't think its encourages incest

TheFantasticFixit Sat 22-Feb-14 18:12:00

I've seen it too - It doesn't creep me out necessarily but I think it's just pretty shit really. There's a lot of these fucking awful sayings on facebook ATM and they do my head in.

GroupieGirl Sat 22-Feb-14 18:12:23

Nonsense. I think it sounds like a lovely way for a father to treat his daughter.

On the other hand, ALL fb statuses like this are horrendous.

milkingmachine1 Sat 22-Feb-14 18:12:46

Sorry but I think yabu. Why would that make you feel uncomfortable? To me it seems innocent and just about teaching your child about self worth.

Joysmum Sat 22-Feb-14 18:13:20

I think it's about manners, not incest.

WooWooOwl Sat 22-Feb-14 18:13:23

You are over reacting and seeing things that aren't there.

Wonder what Freud would say about the fact that you are so creeped out by it.

usernameunknown Sat 22-Feb-14 18:13:31

Incest? hmm

I hate those crappy FB posts but YABU and massively overthinking it

DinahLady Sat 22-Feb-14 18:14:05

WTF?! Completely failing to see how you're reading incest into that. confused
To me it reads teach your daughter to expect manners and to be treated well in relationships, and she won't want to settle for a loser. smile

Floggingmolly Sat 22-Feb-14 18:14:38

It sounds wanky, alright. But then, most status' do to me, I'm afraid. Anyone feeling the need to "educate" the world at large via Facebook is a bit of an arse, at best.

meganorks Sat 22-Feb-14 18:15:09

YABU. I don't think it reads that way at all. I wouldn't say anything as you will look weird. Although I think really fathers should be told to treat the mothers of their children that way. Particularly when I read some of the shit some women put up with on mn.

NabokovsNemesis Sat 22-Feb-14 18:15:18

Just to clarify: I absolutely do not think that whoever wrote this originally meant for it to advocate incest or anything of the sort.

The bit that makes me uncomfortable is the comparison of a girl's relationship to her potential future sexual/romantic partners and the one she has with her father.

They just ought not even to be in the same category IYSWIM.

NachoAddict Sat 22-Feb-14 18:15:51

I don't think its creepy. I would just see the message of teaching her how she should expect to be treated.

Noy something I would post but no problem with it either.

frogslegs35 Sat 22-Feb-14 18:16:45

Yabu - are Father's not allowed to show their daughters these things.
I don't see anything wrong with that.
I wish I'd had a Father around that taught me not to settle for dickhead men with dickhead behaviour.

<hands grip to op>

NabokovsNemesis Sat 22-Feb-14 18:17:13

... and the "be your daughter's first love" bit. Yes, in a parent-child kind of way - but that's not the meaning usually given to this phrase.

MollyHooper Sat 22-Feb-14 18:17:37

There is absolutely nothing sexual implied here.

CorusKate Sat 22-Feb-14 18:18:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

susiedaisy Sat 22-Feb-14 18:20:25

It's a bit sickly and twee but not creepy IMO

SinglePringle Sat 22-Feb-14 18:20:50

Well, it sounds like sexist shite but not incestuous.

StarGazeyPond Sat 22-Feb-14 18:22:09

Sorry, OP, but you are wrong. There is nothing wrong with this and you are reading massive insinuations where there are none.

holycowwhatnow Sat 22-Feb-14 18:22:43

I understand the sentiment behind it but it's a bit cringey. TBH, if fathers want to teach their daughters to value themselves and to expect to be treated well, the best thing they can do is to treat his wife with respect, open doors for her, value her, speak nicely to and about her because he is modelling what a husband is and his daughter will expect and accept the same treatment as her mother does. Hope that makes sense, I'm cooking dinner at the same time. While my husband is sleeping on the couch. And my daughter is watching. So she'll be cooking dinner in 30 years while her husband dozes smile

JohnFarleysRuskin Sat 22-Feb-14 18:22:55

Opening doors and giving seats aren't important to me but yes, respect is key.

Freud would say, yes, the father/daughter relationship is a massive influence on daughters choice of partner later on. He would see it as first love I think.

But yeah Facebook status's are designed to make you look at your friends like hmm

DarlingGrace Sat 22-Feb-14 18:22:56

Oedipus and Electra Complexes ...... see that status I can cope with ... but I did a read a really grim (I thought it was grim) one from father to daughter, that if I just summarise , said 'I like shagging about, I'll teach you how to do it without guilt'.

And Im sure someone will be long behind me stating free love is just so marvellous.

goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/ >boak<

morethanpotatoprints Sat 22-Feb-14 18:23:41

You've just reminded me why I don't do fb. grin

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