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BEGGING for some reinsurance!!PLEASE

(110 Posts)
RalphLaurenLover Sat 22-Feb-14 17:58:33

So you all know my 'mother' and I have a strained relationship. Today it all blew up she was suppose to see my son tomorrow 11-12 but wanted it moved to today as she was 'busy' for what turns out she isn't going to be.

I told her to leave my home as she was distressing my son and she wasn't worth the argument. She refused after 5 minutes she told me she was going to take me to court because she didn't want to see me any more only my son (I've been offering her contact as she NEVER asks to which she is always 10 minutes late at least)

She then told me she's going to call her friends in Mental Health (she works for the NHS) and have them contact Social Services to get my son taken off of me and given to her (she works from 8-8, goes to the gym 4 times a week then to some married man's house where she stays)

She's said she's already got people to look into me at Social Services and they're things on my file and with her word I'll loose my son for sure.

How do I stop her from seeing my son she is Toxic and I'm not prepared to put up with her any more. If there were things on file with me with SS wouldn't I know about it? Had visitors etc? because I haven't had any.

Majourly pissed

HadABadDay2014 Sat 22-Feb-14 18:02:12

I work for the NHS ( a cleaner) but I know that would be breech of patient confidentially.

CoffeeTea103 Sat 22-Feb-14 18:02:57

Yanbu, you need to cut off all contact with her. You can't separate her just having a relationship just with your son and not having to deal with her. It has to be all or nothing.
Anyway as your son grows up she seems the type to bad mouth or try to turn him against you. Having her in your life is going to cause you endless problems. No advice on the ss, but I'm sure someone else will be able to help. Good luck.

MothratheMighty Sat 22-Feb-14 18:03:03

She is completely toxic, you have parental responsibility for your son and she doen't so it is entirely up to you to choose who he spends time with.
What possible grounds are there for her to try and have your child removed?
How old is he? What about his fad?
She sounds a bully and a vile and unstable, manipulative bitch. No way would I have a relationship with her, or subject my child to that sort of venom.

RalphLaurenLover Sat 22-Feb-14 18:06:15

I posted here about her before if you look up my past post

She is a Manager in the NHS

Her grounds for having him removed are that I'm a;
Shit mother
I'm not sensible
I use my phone & laptop when he's around
I don't work

That's all she's said.

He's 2 in April, his father has a no contact order so it is just us. She is horrid! I HATE her

MothratheMighty Sat 22-Feb-14 18:08:22

Cut all contact, why would you not?
if you are relying on her for anything, childcare or money, then find alternatives.

HadABadDay2014 Sat 22-Feb-14 18:09:07

Contact pals.

RalphLaurenLover Sat 22-Feb-14 18:09:48

I'm not relying on her for anything.

She's threatened to take all the furniture out of my house as it was my grandpa's and she inherited his estate. She's VILE

Funnyfoot Sat 22-Feb-14 18:10:39

Just stop her seeing him. Cut all contact. He is your son. You do not have to answer her phone calls or answer your front door.

She is making threats in the hope that this will scare you in to submission.
She is emotionally abusing you and you do not have to put up with it. You and your son need to stay as far away from her as possible.
No one person makes a decision to remove a child. That need to be done by a judge and only after lots of professional involvement and evidence.

Personally I would turn it on it's head and tell her that you are reporting her for breach of confidentiality. See how she deals with that.

CoffeeTea103 Sat 22-Feb-14 18:12:41

She seems to have conditioned you into believing that you need her in your life. Sit down and write out all the aspects of your life that she is challenging you on. Go through each one and look at how you don't actually need her. Then when she starts with all the crap, you challenge her back and tell her she has no leg to stand on.

MothratheMighty Sat 22-Feb-14 18:13:05

Gods Ralph, you are younger than my DD. sad
I don't think I've ever done that before, but to be 21 and not have your mum in your corner against all comers is dreadful. It's not you in any way, shape or form, it's her.
Time to make a life, just you and DS for a while.

badtime Sat 22-Feb-14 18:14:06

Social services would not tell her anything about your file, if you had one (and if you had one, you would know about it).

If they did tell her anything, this would be a breach of confidentiality, and quite a serious one considering the conflict of interest issues around your mother, not that it matters because she is blatantly lying about social services.

RalphLaurenLover Sat 22-Feb-14 18:17:34

Thanks MothratheMighty She likes to be in your corner so when you fall out with her she can then use everything against you.

She knows my LO's dad isn't allowed contact with him, that he put me through hell. Now she say's I "think" i know what's best for my son but I don't she does. I'm stopping him from seeing him for no reason and she won't give up like he did.

I'll defiantly consider reporting her PALS the married man she's shagging worked there with her and she was called into a meeting the other day for being rude she thinks she's above everyone

MrsDeVere Sat 22-Feb-14 18:21:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HadABadDay2014 Sat 22-Feb-14 18:21:30

Send her a text, email or electronic message.

In that message write did you really mean you going to call your friends in Mental Health team and are you really having people look into my file.

Hopefully you will get a responce of yes back.

This will be your proof.

Pheonixisrising Sat 22-Feb-14 18:25:24

she is going to lose her job if she isn't careful

I think even threatening / worrying you with false information could warrant a disciplinary considering her position

I wish you luck

how do I look at previous posts btw , I am a newbie

Bagofnutsnbolts Sat 22-Feb-14 18:25:34

If she had contacted social services believe me you'd know about it, also if she'd done it through her 'work connections' I imagine it would be through safe guarding and believe me you'd know about it. She's trying to scare and manipulate you. Stop worrying about. What she says...easier said then done, and tell her to bog off...again easier said then done, but be brave stand up to her and then go and enjoy [tea] and cake And some mummuy and boy time.

frogslegs35 Sat 22-Feb-14 18:25:56

As others have said - cut her out of your life and more importantly out of your sons life. She's toxic.

She has no rights over you nor him. You are an adult and the parent so your word is final.

Ignore her threats, try not to worry. She can report you to who the fuck she wishes. Worst case scenario you'll get a visit from HV or SS but they'll soon see it's all in your Mums toxic disturbed head.
Regardless of what she tells you - so long as your son is cared for, looked after and safe then ss WILL NOT sweep in and remove him from your care - she's using that to manipulate you.
She can't win if you stop playing the game OP.

SnowFrickenWhite Sat 22-Feb-14 18:33:04

op MRSDEVERE is right, the nhs and SS are totally seperate. They can communicate and nhs can tell SS information on ooh appts, medication, a&e visits but thats it. Nhs would be told very little information.

You need to speak to someone in RL regarding this, maybe a gp? They need to know she is abuising her position.

HettiePetal Sat 22-Feb-14 18:40:10

She's full of shit. If she's using her position in the NHS to look up information or do anything else, she'll be sacked.

And yes, Social Services would not have a file on a family they have never even met.

In theory it would be lovely for your DS to have a relationship with his grandmother, but in practice she's made that impossible. Not you - her.

I would go completely no contact if I were you. Change your email and number, and ignore any attempts to contact you.

Let her do her worst - which, in reality, won't be anything.

zipzap Sat 22-Feb-14 18:43:04

Cut contact. She doesn't have any rights to see your child - she only has access because you grant it to her.

If you're able to cut contact, and she tries to harass you, then report it to the police as harassment. Log everything that she does in a book so you can prove that she is the unhinged one, not you. She's the one that is going to end up in trouble if she starts to pull strings to get your dc. If you were shooting up vast quantities of heroin, knocking back bottles of vodka, feeding your dc on pills and coke and leaving him in the house alone for nights then maybe she should be worried.

But - by the sound of it - she is just a jealous grandmother who doesn't want to accept that her dd has grown up and got her own child, she wants another go and is prepared to lie and go to any ends to achieve that, regardless of the fact that you are actually a very good mother and exactly who your dc needs.

Maybe fight fire with fire - talk to your gp about your mother and your worries that she is trying to take your dc away from you, also report her to social services (but get advice from your gp and others on here about that first!). And have a line in your head to tell her that even if social services were to take your ds then she is the last person that would have him for a whole number of reasons, not least because you wouldn't give them permission as you don't trust her to look after your son.

good luck - try to walk away from her and never look back, she sounds like somebody you need to be a long way away from!

Dawndonnaagain Sat 22-Feb-14 18:45:56

She's manipulating you. I'm sure you are doing fine, she's just trying to show you she is the boss. Do not answer texts, calls or the front door to her or any agent she chooses to send to you. Get on with your life with your child and have the happiness you both deserve. Please do it now, I have a toxic mother and it took me years. I have been No Contact for a while now, and it's bloody lovely!

MrsDeVere Sat 22-Feb-14 18:51:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RalphLaurenLover Sat 22-Feb-14 18:54:52

I've just had the police round and they've confirmed that my son is in excellent hands :D They aren't worried about him at all because their is no need to be.

They've told me to contact her and tell her not to contact me again, not to come round any more and that she will not be seeing my son. Keep all records as harassment and be done with her she also can't have health team members on tap to do reports on me (threatened this before when I was younger) or look into SS files.

She is narcissistic and a horrible woman all she wants is control and now that I have removed it from her she isn't happy!

phoenixisrising type my name into the search bar at the top of the page smile

MrsDeVere Sat 22-Feb-14 18:56:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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