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To ask dh to have a word with DS

(23 Posts)
Suicidal5833 Sat 22-Feb-14 08:14:35

He is 8 and I have my twelve year old sister most mornings and afternoons. Well the thing is DS has no decorum he baths in front of her and he goes to the toilet in front of me and her and gets dressed in front of me and her.

Now I don't mind him changing in front of me and all the rest but he also expects me to wash him this I don't like. But he doesn't understands sister needing privacy for the bathroom and various things and I think it's starting to embarrass my sister when he is naked.

I have asked close male friends when they started wanking and most say ten I just wonder if he should be starting to be more private about his body I don't want to catch him wanking and I am worried he won't start covering up. Aibu is he too young or not we are all girls in my family so I have no one to ask for advice on what age boys start to cover themselves and start feeling embarrassed. But I don't want to say something to early and give him a hang up. Would I bu to ask dh to have a word with him.

Suicidal5833 Sat 22-Feb-14 08:15:19

He also is quite innocent in the ways of sex btw.

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 22-Feb-14 08:19:19

He should respect your sister's privacy but I wouldn't worry about him suddenly starting to wank in front of her hmm. Personally I think he will start to be bashful about his nakedness soon enough and no need to rush that, but a conversation about keeping the door closed on the toilet, for example, wouldn't be inappropriate.

Suicidal5833 Sat 22-Feb-14 08:21:55

Lol I don't think he is gonna start wanking in front of her just worried he is not getting enough privacy and I'll walk in on him.

purpleroses Sat 22-Feb-14 08:24:04

My DS was like that at 8 - just really innocent and not bothered by nakedness. It all changed completely off his own accord when he hit puberty.
But yes if it's bothering you or your sister then ask your DH to have a word. Or see if you can do it yourself in a lighthearted way.

Suicidal5833 Sat 22-Feb-14 08:25:06

It doesn't bother me just my sister.

NynaevesSister Sat 22-Feb-14 08:29:09

Goodness he is only 8! Why on earth can't you talk to him? Just say that it isn't OK to go to the toilet or get changed in front of his aunt.

I am surprised that you have a problem with this. Why? He's still just a child. Sounds like you have hang ups? Son is nearly 9. In this last year he has suddenly developed a sense of privacy. He won't go to the loo now without closing the door. An he is increasingly shutting the door when he gets dressed although he is still fine running about naked about 50% of the time. He now showers on his own.

He will get there naturally in his own time. And he would be the same if his aunt was his sister. He isn't being anything other than natural. Don't make him feel ashamed.

monkeysox Sat 22-Feb-14 09:01:32

My very first biscuit

brettgirl2 Sat 22-Feb-14 09:04:27

I think the main thing is that your sister needs privacy. Him walking around naked is totally separate to that.

Pagwatch Sat 22-Feb-14 09:05:46

Why can't you talk to him?

MammaTJ Sat 22-Feb-14 09:10:58

At 8 my DD still gets changed for PE in her mixed class! Next year, when she goes up to middle school, she will not!

I think she will start to become more self conscious then.

Don't bother getting your DH to have a word. If needed later on, have a word yourself though! That would make less of a big deal of it. I think if you are able to ask close friends about when they started wanking, you should be able to chat to your own son about privacy and appropriateness!

Suicidal5833 Sat 22-Feb-14 09:12:38

I can do the chat fine but I think I'll leave it for now.

mrsjay Sat 22-Feb-14 09:13:16

why cant you tell him that his auntie does not want him peeing in front of him it is rude and disrespectful it is fine with mum and dad but not his aunt why do you need to make a huge father and son drama out of it, tell him off, when he hits puberty he will be more modest

Joysmum Sat 22-Feb-14 10:16:41

I can't understand why you can't have the conversation we patents have to have at some point in the the body is nothing to be ashamed of but there are manners and responsibities. That's a normal part if growing up and not something a man has to do.

purpleroses Sat 22-Feb-14 10:19:26

joymum but the OP isn't a parent. You don't necessarily enjoy the same closeness of a relationship with your DSC so entirely appropriate to ask her DH to have a word if she isn't comfortable doing so herself.

Figster Sat 22-Feb-14 10:24:26

Purple where does it say DS isn't hers?

Coconutty Sat 22-Feb-14 10:29:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purpleroses Sat 22-Feb-14 10:32:05

Oh you're right she doesn't say that. If just assumed he must be if the OP felt she couldn't ask him herself! Didn't cross my mind that anyone would find it hard to tell their own son to close the toilet door!

I am really confused by this. It should be a non issue.

He is your son, correct? Then you can talk to him yourself? It's as simple as saying "Hey DS, I think it's about time that we all started making sure that private parts stay private, please can you put some pants or a towel/dressing gown on when you walk from room to room and lock (or close) the bathroom door when you're in there. Cheers smile"

And then just remind him when it happens. Also, he's far old enough to wash himself, my 5yo washes himself in private places. Just say that although he will always be your baby he's getting to be a big boy now and grown ups wash their own private parts. Or perhaps just include it in a general helping him to wash all of his body, hair, etc himself.

Purplepoodle Sat 22-Feb-14 10:46:09

Just teach him manners. My eldest is 5 and I constantly tell him to remember to close the bathroom door. As forbeing naked we just tell him bums and winkies are private and Iits best they are covered by pants. As for other people in bathroom again we encourage him to knock on the door and just explained people like to gonto the bathroom alone

Suicidal5833 Sat 22-Feb-14 10:51:47

Thanks bertiebotts I will follow your advice there is no issue with me telling him it's just that I do almost everything for the dc and would like to make dh more involved. He works long hours and doesn't really see them through the week yes he is my DS but I will have the chat exactly as bertiebotts suggested.

Pagwatch Sat 22-Feb-14 11:10:34

If your DH doesn't spend much time with him at home then you are by far the most appropriate person to deal with this and you are there when the things you want him to stop doing actually happen.

It's not a 'man to son' thing. It's just a 'hey kid, put some pants on' thing.

PerpendicularVince Sat 22-Feb-14 11:35:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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