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Adult birthdays - should etiquette be reciprocal?

(18 Posts)
birthdaybeats Fri 21-Feb-14 17:11:50

Friend A has a birthday. Invites a few people to an inexpensive celebration, with no expectation of gifts etc. Just to host a nice evening for friends. Friend B does not RSVP, send birthday wishes, cards, or gifts. Friend A is not too bothered and chalks it down to them being busy.

Friend B has same birthday a few months later, invites a few people to a celebration at a fairly pricey restaurant out of town. Friend A accepts, pays for meal, buys a card, wishes happy birthday with no ill feeling.

Friend C says Friend A is being rude for turning up to Friend B's celebrations without a gift. Friend A thinks this is a bit of a cheek, it's not tit for tat but surely turning up and paying for your own meal is enough?

So who is right?!

NB Friend B has not said anything about lack of gift, so is not being ungracious... at least not to Friend A's knowledge.

Ifcatshadthumbs Fri 21-Feb-14 17:14:40

Friend c should mind her own business and sounds like a shit stirrer

runningonwillpower Fri 21-Feb-14 17:16:10

Friend C should mind her own manners and otherwise keep her opinions to herself.

ilovepowerhoop Fri 21-Feb-14 17:16:32

Friend C should kep her nose out. Friend A has attended the birthday celebration and has given Friend B a card which is fine.

WitchWay Fri 21-Feb-14 17:17:27

I wouldn't buy a gift when going to an adult's birthday party, unless it was of a close friend that I buy for anyway, or it was a "special" birthday.

Sleepyhead33 Fri 21-Feb-14 17:17:42

Friend C should mind her own business. The other two seem fine and normal!

iwantavuvezela Fri 21-Feb-14 17:18:44

Methinks friend C has an agenda! Is her birthday comin up and she wants to make sure she receives gifts?

birthdaybeats Fri 21-Feb-14 17:18:59

Friend A says "Phew", and rests safe in the knowledge that she is not a petty bitch.

It was a "special" birthday, WitchWay, but A had same special birthday a while ago, which B did not acknowledge. A didn't mind this, but then worried that she made a total faux pas by going to a party without a present.

birthdaybeats Fri 21-Feb-14 17:20:54

Haha vuvuzela, yes C's birthday is coming up, but C would have had presents anyway and knows it. I don't think C is just trying to make sure they get a good deal thou. I think C is more bothered about social etiquette than actual reasonableness... whereas A thinks surely etiquette works both ways? There is being polite, then there is being a doormat and leaving yourself out of pocket.

bodybooboo Fri 21-Feb-14 17:23:05

are you friend A?

DarlingGrace Fri 21-Feb-14 17:23:24

Odd user name birthdaybeats thats where boys punch the shit out of another kid on their birthday.

birthdaybeats Fri 21-Feb-14 17:24:44

Yes I am friend A in this story.

Yes I know that DarlingGrace. It's also what my brothers used to do to me on my birthday sad haha. I was trying to think of a birthday related phrase for my username, that's the first one that came to mind!

WitchWay Fri 21-Feb-14 17:27:03

If I'd known it was a special birthday I'd probably have taken something, but it would only have been a bottle or nice chocs. If I'd held the do myself I wouldn't have been in the slightest offended if people hadn't brought presents for me. Most likely I'd've specified "no presents" on the invitations - adults generally have enough stuff.

birthdaybeats Fri 21-Feb-14 17:30:30

Hm, I would have taken some wine, champagne and/or chocolate if it were a dinner party at B's house or something; I always do if I go to someone's house, even if it's just popping round for tea with nothing to celebrate. But this was a meal at a quite expensive, out-of-the-way restaurant.

WitchWay Fri 21-Feb-14 17:33:56

Just to clarify that's adults who can afford to go to fancy restaurants generally have enough stuff...

birthdaybeats Fri 21-Feb-14 17:36:23

B is far richer than A. As is C. Maybe that's the problem haha.

WanderingAway Fri 21-Feb-14 18:17:19

I think B was a bit cheeky to invite A(you) to their birthday without even acknowledging As birthday.

VulvaBeaker Fri 21-Feb-14 18:25:46

Wait hang on a second...

If C is far richer than A, and is criticising A for lack of birthday largesse, C is being a twat. If someone has less money than you by a significant margin, you STFU about buying birthday presents.

Hope this helps.

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