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AIBU to not take ds to the funeral

(15 Posts)
trampstamp Fri 21-Feb-14 15:03:37

Ds grategrand ma was in hospital soon to pass away last week took ss (14) up there granny was off her head on meds saying all sorts and ds just kept laughing Ffs not impressed shock
Put it this was ds was laughing so much he was still laughing when we got home ff he was laughing so much I went him to his room till he calmed the frig down.

My hairdresser says it's nervous laughter and she is the same however I told ds I understand nervous but if he can't get his shit together he can't go to the funeral now yesterday granny passed at 6:45 am when I got the text told ds he burst out laughing so he is defo not going to the funeral I can't risk it oh thinks I should take him
*i can just see it now ds viewing the body with his bottom lip quivering away shock
Ds is not overly fussed about going however if it was my family I may be able to explain any silly behaviour on ds part but this is my exs grandma and we have a fraught relationship as it is and I just don't feel I can take ds if he can't keep a straight face I can't risk it

1- I just don't know what to make of ds reaction to all of this

2- I just don't feel I can risk it

AIBU

trampstamp Fri 21-Feb-14 15:04:55

The nurse and the hospital must of thought we were utter twants

Joysmum Fri 21-Feb-14 15:05:18

I wouldn't. It's not just about his reaction, it's about your need to grieve.

MaidOfStars Fri 21-Feb-14 15:09:06

For whatever reason, he has demonstrated that he is unable to cope appropriately in an emotionally fraught situation. Perhaps a funeral isn't the best place for him.

However, I know that we used to absolutely wet ourselves at the nonsense my grandmother used to say towards the end, but that didn't translate into laughter at her funeral.

Was he very close to her?

trampstamp Fri 21-Feb-14 15:13:14

I am not sure really she was bed bound since ds was born so when he went to stay at his aunties she was pretty much sat in her Bed when he was really small he used to sit and watch cartoons with her but pretty much 6/7 years old because she was bed bound he would say hi give her a kiss then find the cousins to play with

Onesleeptillwembley Fri 21-Feb-14 15:14:40

I probably wouldn't take him. But I will say in his defence that aged about 13 I went to the funeral if a schoolmate. It was very sad. I held my tears in and it came out as a big howl then laughter. I was not laughing inside. Honestly, I can still feel it now.

trampstamp Fri 21-Feb-14 15:14:49

Can I just say his auntie also passed 6 months ago he choose not to attend that funeral

JeanSeberg Fri 21-Feb-14 15:15:01

How old is he?

trampstamp Fri 21-Feb-14 15:16:10

14

Onesleeptillwembley Fri 21-Feb-14 15:18:42

Hormones all over at that age. As I said, don't be too hard on him.

trampstamp Fri 21-Feb-14 15:20:11

I think I was just embarrassed and what pissed me off he was still laughing when we got home

Onesleeptillwembley Fri 21-Feb-14 15:21:30

I really see your point. If it hadn't happened to me I'd have felt exactly the same. Fwiw the nurse will probably have seen it before.

trampstamp Fri 21-Feb-14 16:08:06

Thanks ladies

MostWicked Fri 21-Feb-14 16:10:33

Emotions that we don't understand or lack the life experience to deal with, often come out in inappropriate ways. In grief, we feel sad, yet the emotions that many people display include, anger, laughter, indifference, jealousy, insecurity etc.

Give him a break, he's only a kid, and he clearly doesn't know how to feel. I would ask him how he feels about going to the funeral rather than telling him. There's a good chance he doesn't want to go anyway. Talk to him about how he feels, but don't judge him for laughing. It's probably more about fear and discomfort, than a lack of respect. If he laughs, it's easier for him to maintain a distance from any scary emotions.

I am sure the nurses are very familiar with this reaction, it is not uncommon.

trampstamp Fri 21-Feb-14 16:19:38

Most wicked things are not good with exs family and I don't think there relationship would with stand laughing at the funeral I did say if it were my family I could explain and I would have no issue with taking him but if he did laugh if would only add more drama to an already fright relationship with his bio dad

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