To take my daughter out of nursery

[Ghirly]

I'm posting in here as I know I will get honest responses, I genuinely do not know what is for the best.
My daughter is 3 and goes to nursery 3 days a week while I am in university. My friend's daughter attends the same nursery but is a year older.
My problem is the other girl is very domineering with my dd and demands she be her only friend, she gets upset if my dd plays with a different child any day. The girl is very bossy and is always telling my child what to do, or what she is doing is wrong and her way is right.
My dd is very quiet, pretty shy and seems to go along with this other girl. Every single time I go to collect my child she is with this other girl.

My daughter is one of 5 so is very used to not getting her own way, having to share, money being tight so she knows she can't always have everything she asks for.
My friends daughter is, by her mums admission, very spoiled. If my dd picks up a toy to play with, this girl demands it off her, saying she needs to have it. (This also happened on the couple of occasions I have looked after the girl in my own home or been at soft play with both of them)

But I have reached the end of my tether with a different aspect. Over the past few days my dd has started displaying the same demanding behaviour as this child. She has started 'whining' (only word I can use to describe the voice they now both use) saying she "wants" all these different things. The change in her personality is horrible.

I now want to take my dd out of this nursery. All my other children went to nursery as I think it is invaluable for them but I hate this change in my dd. I'm fortunate in that I have alternative childcare so would IBU to remove my child from this place?

I feel bad having these feelings towards another child but I feel she is impacting negatively on my daughter.

Any input is appreciated.

Sorry this is long.

[PenguinBear]

YANBU to remove her but I would first speak to the nursery. Explain your concerns etc and say you do not want your dd playing with the other child. I am assuming you are paying for them to take care of your dd! I would tell them that You were following up your request in writing and would like confirmation of the steps they are planning to take to ensure your dd is allowed to enjoy her nursery experience.

[Ghirly]

Thankyou penguin

I am sending my dd to the alternative childcare next week so I had thought about explaining to her key worker why I have done it.
Yes, I pay the nursery, my other childcare would be free. All the staff are lovely and my dd has bonded with them so I am loathe to remove her but feel I need to protect her.

[LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName]

So she won't be playing with the other girl outside of nursery again?

[Ghirly]

No. The times I had this girl with me were for reasons that are past now. There would be no need.

[Chottie]

Speak to the nursery first of all. The other child is a year older, so is 4? won't she be leaving to go to full time school soon, so this will resolve in the future. Your DD attends three times a week, so the majority of the week she is not at nursery but with her family and siblings, so the other child won't be a major influence in her life.

[Charlie97]

This seems like a very big step to me. I would also speak to the nursery. Also, your daughter will meet other children like this along the way, she needs to learn not to copy their behaviour and to also stand her ground with other children. You won't be able to remove her from every difficult situation.

I think you are being ALBU.

[Ghirly]

I will definitely speak to the nursery next week.
I appreciate the feedback.

[lazyhound444]

Her whole life your DD is going meet people you believe are negative influences on her. Rather than remove her from them, it would be more productive to teach her how to deal with them. If this was at school you'd find it a lot more difficult to deal with. Better finding a strategy for it now.

[VulvaBeaker]

I understand, would not necessarily say you're being unreasonable, but this will happen throughout their education and life, and this is the first test of how you respond.

Sadly our parenting also involves "countering" behaviours they pick up, cutting them short, whatever - there's no running away from it.

[Ghirly]

Thank you everyone.
I'll speak to the nursery on Tuesday, be open and see how they view the situation.