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My brother is v rude- yes he has severe mental health difficulties

(30 Posts)
TwistedReach Thu 20-Feb-14 21:58:58

Aibu? Actually I know im not. My brother is extremely rude (by ordinary social convention, he says inappropriate things, barges in etc, can even feel intimidating. But I know he is very ill. He has never lived independently and it is absolutely tragic.
I get so upset by the vitriol that is shown to posters when they wonder if rude or antisocial people they encounter may have something wrong. I do not find this offensive but find it hopeful and really wish it wasn't so discouraged here. Yes many people with SN show none of these traits but there are others who do. Not getting the world in an ordinary way can make people behave in ways that others find hard to understand- I would rather people wondered is there something else going on than just condemned them.

Dawndonnaagain Thu 20-Feb-14 22:02:37

Then put your case on these threads, but for many of this is not our reality and we get fed up with everybody being tarred by the same brush and assumptions being made that are often incorrect. I do find it offensive that all Aspies are apparently rude, blunt, lacking in empathy. No matter which way you look at, that is an offensive point of view.

anothernumberone Thu 20-Feb-14 22:02:38

To be honest while I know what you mean I prefer a little empathy just for the sake of it. Just be nice, my friend's mum always said see the face of Jesus in every one which would mean more if I were a Christian but the principle is lovely.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Thu 20-Feb-14 22:08:48

It is all in the way it is put.
it is hurtful and offensive when someone says x person is rude and ignorant, I think this must mean they have autism. Unspoken - people with autism are rude and ignorant.
its hard not to feel hurt.

WestieMamma Thu 20-Feb-14 22:13:41

My brother is also extremely rude, says inappropriate things, barges in and is extremely intimidating. There's nothing wrong with him other than being a rude, unpleasant bully.

Dawndonnaagain Thu 20-Feb-14 22:15:50

I have a bully for a brother. He's a barrister.

TwistedReach Thu 20-Feb-14 22:21:09

Well Westie and Dawn if thats all there is to it. I'm glad for you. There are others (as I said my brother has never lived independently) who are not so lucky.

TwistedReach Thu 20-Feb-14 22:26:16

Interesting and sad that this may not get so many responses.

Dawndonnaagain Thu 20-Feb-14 22:29:43

Thing is Twisted whilst I can see what you're trying to say and it's quite clear that you are upset, we do get tired of being tarred with the same brush and do feel the need to defend ourselves and our families. I take it that your brother has things other than AS.

SecretWitch Thu 20-Feb-14 22:33:06

So what is the point of your op then? If your brother has mh issues than I hope he is receiving the assistance he needs to live life to the fullest of his abilities. It sounds as if you want the general population to consider my issues for ever rude bugger coming down the pike. Some person's with mh problems may act in rude or difficult ways. Some people are just rude fuckers.

SecretWitch Thu 20-Feb-14 22:34:42

That should have read.. It sounds as if you want the general population to consider mh issues for every rude bugger coming down the pike..

TwistedReach Thu 20-Feb-14 22:37:31

I think that people who behave unusually probably interpret the world unusually. This can be more or less extreme. I am glad when people consider there may be more to somebody behaving antisocially.

TwistedReach Thu 20-Feb-14 22:41:11

Secret witch yes he does but I have a great deal of experience of AS too.

TwistedReach Thu 20-Feb-14 22:42:20

Sorry that should have been to dawn

Dawndonnaagain Thu 20-Feb-14 22:44:20

My father had AS. My Uncle had AS. My dh has AS as do three of my four children. They are not rude, antisocial or aggressive, so yes, I get right royally hacked off when people make assumptions they're not qualified to make.

TwistedReach Thu 20-Feb-14 22:47:05

Well Dawn in a way you are lucky. Imagine if they had a difficulty that meant that they were.

WorraLiberty Thu 20-Feb-14 22:50:57

I get so upset by the vitriol that is shown to posters when they wonder if rude or antisocial people they encounter may have something wrong. I do not find this offensive but find it hopeful and really wish it wasn't so discouraged here.

The thing is, the mental state of the person being complained about, rarely makes a difference to what an OP is saying.

OP: "A random man on the bus shouted at me to get my tits out and my kids were scared. AIBU to be angry that no-one stood up for me?"

MN reply: "Have you considered the man might be mentally ill?"

OP: "It's possible, but how does that change my experience?"

The truth is it doesn' I think that's why some people get frustrated.

Then of course, some people get offended and say "Well my DH is mentally ill and he's never shouted at a woman to get her tits out".

It's a never ending argument really. Part of forum life I suppose.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 20-Feb-14 23:50:00

OP what sort of things does your DB do and how do people react to him?

My DS2 (16) has autism and is never intentionally rude. However he doens't understand conversations or that other people don't share his obsessions and at best he comes across as VERY odd.

He wears a wrist band which says 'I have autism' and daft tho it sounds, it does help to alert people that he is different with a reason. He won't ever be independent either but we try to teach him..almost train him, how to behave as appropriately as he is able because we accept that the world, largely won't understand or cut him any slack.

Sadly I don't expect the world to be tolerant. Could your brother have any help to assist his social skills in some way?

thecatfromjapan Fri 21-Feb-14 00:48:52

I get what you're saying. For what it's worth, as I've grown older, and met more people, my tolerance has increased. Oddly enough, my tolerance for the genuinely rude and horrid has decreased!grin But I have come to realise that you can't judge in an knstsng, I am glad your brother has love and support. And, for what it's worth, I always add an argument similar to yours when irradiated the sort of comments you have in mind. It just all goes to produce aglobsl, three- dimensional view of an issue. Hope you are having a lovely evening and May tomorrow bring you good

NigellasDealer Fri 21-Feb-14 01:00:30

well one of my brothers has severe mental health difficulties and he is never never rude thoughtless or nasty...
just saying (sorry but it is a forum after all)

TwistedReach Fri 21-Feb-14 14:36:46

Well Nigella, mental illness covers a huge range of symptoms and difficulties. Your brother may never appear rude but mine, like others on the ward he has lived for many years, can.

I also think the expression,'tarred with the same brush' is sad but telling when talking about the different ways that distress, mental illness or special needs can present. I do however understand that for people to assume autism means aggressive or schizophrenia means murderer is very unhelpful and distressing.

But I worry that there is a culture here of going the other way and not recognising that bizarre and yes even aggressive or innapropiate behaviour can come from a place of severe disturbance/ distress/ illness. And personally I appreciate people considering when they encounter disturbing behaviour that there might be actual disturbance behind it.

VulvaBeaker Fri 21-Feb-14 14:39:27

This is part of why a person with mental health issues is a Vulnerable Person.

One of the most horrid risks to mentally ill people in the community is getting themselves physically assaulted by others who do not understand their behaviour, so it is somewhat important people are aware of it and do not deny it.

Dawndonnaagain Fri 21-Feb-14 14:45:04

But nobody is denying it, Twisted. I think you are looking for something that just isn't there. I do think that people consider that there may be mental health problems when considering some behaviours that have been displayed publicly. Unfortunately, not all. Nobody here is trying to brush anyhting under the carpet, just looking for greater understanding. I do understand. My son is extremely vulnerable and whilst at university has to have an escort with him, doesn't mean I want some idiot saying has my dh/best friend/next door neighbour got ASDs because they're rude and inconsiderate.

TwistedReach Fri 21-Feb-14 14:56:10

I disagree with you Dawn. I have often seen threads where anyone who considers there may be more to an adult or child's behaviour gets criticised for their ignorance about SN. Well of course many people don't know all about different types of SN or mental illness but I would rather they at least had this thought than jumped to assuming that the person is just 'bad'.
People wonder about ASD because it is known to cause difficulty with social communication. Even if they are not getting it right they are trying to not just be reactionary and to wonder is there something more to this. I just can't see why that is a bad thing? By all means educate people about the different ways ASD presents but I don't see the need to do that by encouraging people not to think that that the may be more to what they are seeing.
Which is the reason for my op. I want to say yes absolutely sometimes when you see disturbing behaviour there is a disturbed person behind it (one who needs help).

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