To think there should be a national ^Plan your Funeral Day^

[UhOhChongo]

It's such a touchy subject that no-one wants to think about but that can create additional angst and stress for the bereaved. There could be a check-list for guidance and it could be aimed at all ages...?

[SueDoku]

This is a useful guide for anyone (in the UK)
www.informationnow.org.uk/articles/478/when-someone-dies-a-practical-guide

[rabbitlady]

i thought this when i went to a funeral recently. but the funeral is really for the bereaved, so perhaps they should plan it the way they want it.
i want lou reed's 'i love you' played, and i don't mind where the funeral is held, church is fine but not essential if only a few people will be there. God is everywhere.

[thedogwakesuptoodamnearly]

I shall be dead, I won't care. Also there will be no-one to organise it apart from the dog.

[ExitPursuedTheRoyalPrude]

YABU. It gives you something to do in the days following a bereavement.

[Sirzy]

My mum once joked she wants to write a "death for dummies" book for relatives because there is so much that needs doing and organising at a time when your really not thinking straight to do it.

My family know my wishes for my funeral and I know theres. Nothing complicated but it will take off a bit of the pressure and wondering if your doing things 'right'

[AngelaDaviesHair]

At most I'd leave a letter making suggestions for music and readings. However, I know my taste in music and verse will be far too bleak for my family. Which is fine really.

[curiousgeorgie]

I think generally speaking, it's just something most people don't like to think about.

But I do worry about the practicalities sometimes. I wouldn't want my DD's or DH to worry about it..

[shakinstevenslovechild]

I have already arranged and paid for what will happen to me because I needed to get special permission for where I want to be scattered, I'm not having a funeral at all though, I'm just getting cremated with no ceremony, I want everyone who cares for me to have a massive piss up at my local, I don't want everyone feeling upset at a time prearranged by the funeral director, and I want any memories people share to be real and not edited highlights to make me look perfect and delivered by a stranger. I really, really, really hate funerals.

[OddBoots]

I wasn't bothered about planning until I read this emma freud article and it made me think that it might be useful to just jot down a couple of hymns/songs and readings, just to make the job easier.

[Kundry]

There is such a day - in fact it's a week

//www.dyingmatters.org

[UhOhChongo]

Thanks for the links, very useful. Perhaps dyingmatters.org could do with some publicity via the TV eg. This Morning, The Wright Stuff / LBC type talk radio shows.

Sorry to touch a nerve Bettercallsaul1

[halfwayupthehill]

Often thought about this and starting a thread on it. My friend died suddenly. The only thing she had planned was to donate her body to science. That really helped her sons to know what she wanted. The rest was hard because they didn't know. I plan to get my affairs in order to the point of having my favourite songs on a cd and a list of poems etc.

[halfwayupthehill]

Often thought about this and starting a thread on it. My friend died suddenly. The only thing she had planned was to donate her body to science. That really helped her sons to know what she wanted. The rest was hard because they didn't know. I plan to get my affairs in order to the point of having my favourite songs on a cd and a list of poems etc.

[UhOhChongo]

Having a publicised day for it with a form you could download / have sent to you that you could complete, preferably under benign circumstances, then store away and forget about, sounds much better to me than the potential family arguments about what the dearly departed would have wanted as something to occupy the bereaved in the immediate aftermath.

[Bettercallsaul1]

You ate absolutely right about this kind of planning being useful for avoiding painful family arguments later on, OP. When my mother died, quite suddenly, there was a very emotional difference of opinion between my father and brother about whether she should be buried or cremated. She had never expressed a preference, despite the topic being discussed generally several times. My father was horrified at the idea of burial while my brother couldn't face the prospect of ashes being scattered and there being nothing left to "visit". After a lot of discussion, we compromised on cremation, followed by burying the ashes in an informal place, loved by my mother, so that family had somewhere to visit if they wanted.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I liked my Dad's answer to whether he'd like to be buried or cremated.

'Surprise me'

[Bettercallsaul1]

Nothing like a bit of black humour to keep things in proportion, CogitoErgoSometimes!

[ElleMcFearsome]

Just been through this with DH whose DF died a fortnight ago. DH and his DS and DB really struggled as they had no idea what he would have wanted. It caused a lot of stress. Off the back of that, my requests are now all written out and in the file of important documents. Fucked if I want my kids having to have those conversations.

[expatinscotland]

Already planned. No ceremony, cremation, ashes interred at my daughter's resting place. There is already a stone in place. Job done.

You can avoid thinking about it all you like, you will still die.

[Ledare]

I didn't realise you could get away with no ceremony at all. I'll look into it.

Expat

[Bettercallsaul1]

Yes, and now you can put it out of your mind completely, expatinscotland and just think of life. Very sensible.

[expatinscotland]

Of course you can, Led. It is not compulsory. Cremate, ashes in, done. If there are funds, add my name to DD's headstone, if not, buy a cheap plaque on Ebay and stick it in her kerb set. I'll just be glad to have shuffled off this mortal coil.

[Kundry]

If you are planning it advance, please make sure what you want is actually feasible.

My Dad told us where he wanted his ashes scattered and option a doesn't actually allow it and option b is miles from where we live and is proving very complicated to organize. If he'd known either of these things, I don't think he'd have minded and would have picked something else.