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To think there should be a national ^Plan your Funeral Day^

(47 Posts)
UhOhChongo Thu 20-Feb-14 21:48:41

It's such a touchy subject that no-one wants to think about but that can create additional angst and stress for the bereaved. There could be a check-list for guidance and it could be aimed at all ages...?

SueDoku Thu 20-Feb-14 21:59:36

This is a useful guide for anyone (in the UK)
www.informationnow.org.uk/articles/478/when-someone-dies-a-practical-guide

rabbitlady Thu 20-Feb-14 22:00:20

i thought this when i went to a funeral recently. but the funeral is really for the bereaved, so perhaps they should plan it the way they want it.
i want lou reed's 'i love you' played, and i don't mind where the funeral is held, church is fine but not essential if only a few people will be there. God is everywhere.

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly Thu 20-Feb-14 22:00:45

I shall be dead, I won't care. Also there will be no-one to organise it apart from the dog.

YABU. It gives you something to do in the days following a bereavement.

Sirzy Thu 20-Feb-14 22:02:56

My mum once joked she wants to write a "death for dummies" book for relatives because there is so much that needs doing and organising at a time when your really not thinking straight to do it.

My family know my wishes for my funeral and I know theres. Nothing complicated but it will take off a bit of the pressure and wondering if your doing things 'right'

AngelaDaviesHair Thu 20-Feb-14 22:04:44

At most I'd leave a letter making suggestions for music and readings. However, I know my taste in music and verse will be far too bleak for my family. Which is fine really.

Bettercallsaul1 Thu 20-Feb-14 22:04:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curiousgeorgie Thu 20-Feb-14 22:06:45

I think generally speaking, it's just something most people don't like to think about.

But I do worry about the practicalities sometimes. I wouldn't want my DD's or DH to worry about it..

shakinstevenslovechild Thu 20-Feb-14 22:08:18

I have already arranged and paid for what will happen to me because I needed to get special permission for where I want to be scattered, I'm not having a funeral at all though, I'm just getting cremated with no ceremony, I want everyone who cares for me to have a massive piss up at my local, I don't want everyone feeling upset at a time prearranged by the funeral director, and I want any memories people share to be real and not edited highlights to make me look perfect and delivered by a stranger. I really, really, really hate funerals.

OddBoots Thu 20-Feb-14 22:10:55

I wasn't bothered about planning until I read this emma freud article and it made me think that it might be useful to just jot down a couple of hymns/songs and readings, just to make the job easier.

Kundry Thu 20-Feb-14 22:12:08

There is such a day - in fact it's a week

www.dyingmatters.org

Ledaire Thu 20-Feb-14 22:17:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UhOhChongo Thu 20-Feb-14 22:25:14

Thanks for the links, very useful. Perhaps dyingmatters.org could do with some publicity via the TV eg. This Morning, The Wright Stuff / LBC type talk radio shows.

Sorry to touch a nerve Bettercallsaul1

halfwayupthehill Thu 20-Feb-14 22:30:09

Often thought about this and starting a thread on it. My friend died suddenly. The only thing she had planned was to donate her body to science. That really helped her sons to know what she wanted. The rest was hard because they didn't know. I plan to get my affairs in order to the point of having my favourite songs on a cd and a list of poems etc.

halfwayupthehill Thu 20-Feb-14 22:30:27

Often thought about this and starting a thread on it. My friend died suddenly. The only thing she had planned was to donate her body to science. That really helped her sons to know what she wanted. The rest was hard because they didn't know. I plan to get my affairs in order to the point of having my favourite songs on a cd and a list of poems etc.

UhOhChongo Thu 20-Feb-14 22:58:34

Having a publicised day for it with a form you could download / have sent to you that you could complete, preferably under benign circumstances, then store away and forget about, sounds much better to me than the potential family arguments about what the dearly departed would have wanted as something to occupy the bereaved in the immediate aftermath.

Bettercallsaul1 Fri 21-Feb-14 10:59:09

You ate absolutely right about this kind of planning being useful for avoiding painful family arguments later on, OP. When my mother died, quite suddenly, there was a very emotional difference of opinion between my father and brother about whether she should be buried or cremated. She had never expressed a preference, despite the topic being discussed generally several times. My father was horrified at the idea of burial while my brother couldn't face the prospect of ashes being scattered and there being nothing left to "visit". After a lot of discussion, we compromised on cremation, followed by burying the ashes in an informal place, loved by my mother, so that family had somewhere to visit if they wanted.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 21-Feb-14 11:06:25

I liked my Dad's answer to whether he'd like to be buried or cremated.

'Surprise me'

Bettercallsaul1 Fri 21-Feb-14 11:14:51

Nothing like a bit of black humour to keep things in proportion, CogitoErgoSometimes!

ElleMcFearsome Fri 21-Feb-14 11:15:37

Just been through this with DH whose DF died a fortnight ago. DH and his DS and DB really struggled as they had no idea what he would have wanted. It caused a lot of stress. Off the back of that, my requests are now all written out and in the file of important documents. Fucked if I want my kids having to have those conversations.

expatinscotland Fri 21-Feb-14 11:22:04

Already planned. No ceremony, cremation, ashes interred at my daughter's resting place. There is already a stone in place. Job done.

You can avoid thinking about it all you like, you will still die.

Ledare Fri 21-Feb-14 11:27:31

I didn't realise you could get away with no ceremony at all. I'll look into it.

Expat sad flowers

Bettercallsaul1 Fri 21-Feb-14 11:28:51

Yes, and now you can put it out of your mind completely, expatinscotland and just think of life. Very sensible.

expatinscotland Fri 21-Feb-14 11:49:46

Of course you can, Led. It is not compulsory. Cremate, ashes in, done. If there are funds, add my name to DD's headstone, if not, buy a cheap plaque on Ebay and stick it in her kerb set. I'll just be glad to have shuffled off this mortal coil.

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