Advanced search

PIL and holiday home

(70 Posts)
Champagnecharleyismyname Thu 20-Feb-14 21:02:18

Big back story here with relationship with PIL but latest is they are buying a holiday home in another country. They are very excited and have said it is for family use.

There are three brothers, oldest 2 are from first marriage. Large age gap and last brother is only child from FIL and MIL.

PIL about to sign contract on new holiday home and rang today to say it will be in youngest brother's name as it has been bought with inheritance money from a relative of FIL.

DH is upset but won't talk about it. AIBU to question this??

PfftTheMagicDraco Thu 20-Feb-14 21:03:21

It's not your DHs holiday home.

Thattimeofyearagain Thu 20-Feb-14 21:04:56


mynewpassion Thu 20-Feb-14 21:06:46

Is FIL the biological parent of all three boys or is MIL

hamptoncourt Thu 20-Feb-14 21:11:58

Assuming FIL is stepfather to DH then YABU. Your FIL has inherited money and wishes to pass it to his son. Why shouldn't he?

You get to use the house so what is the problem?

Champagnecharleyismyname Thu 20-Feb-14 21:12:28

MIL but 2 oldest have never had contact with biological father and FIL had bought them up from a young age. I am over sensitive to this because I can see my DH is visibly upset. Over the years I have noticed subtle differences in the way the brothers have been treated but this is the most overt.

Champagnecharleyismyname Thu 20-Feb-14 21:15:56

Yes we will get use of the house, it's not the house it's the fact that DH saw FIL as his dad as did the othe older brother but for me this is clear differentiation.

mynewpassion Thu 20-Feb-14 21:16:29

YABU. I can understand your DH being upset but it's FIL's money and he wants it to pass it down to his biological son.

pamelat Thu 20-Feb-14 21:17:15

I think this is fine.

I can see why it may initially be a bit tense but the money has come from that sons family.

I think it shows that they have thought through inheritance and that wont be messy for you.

mynewpassion Thu 20-Feb-14 21:17:30

This might be a hint of what the inheritance will look like.

Katisha Thu 20-Feb-14 21:18:51

Does mil have no say in what FIL does? Seems unnecessarily divisive of FIL to me, my money my son. Not our money, our family...

tyaca Thu 20-Feb-14 21:19:26

Gosh, your poor dh. I'm not surprised he's feeling low.

Earlier posters - please re-read opening post. OP is not having an entitled hissy fit cause she wants a holiday freebie.

Holdthepage Thu 20-Feb-14 21:21:34

YABU - it is FIL's money to do with as he sees fit.

boydonewrongagain Thu 20-Feb-14 21:21:52

I think that what they have done is pretty hurtful actually op. If your dh's step dad has raised him from a young age and your dh sees him as his dad then its a bit of a mean thing to do IMO I'd be pretty hurt if it was me.

drnoitall Thu 20-Feb-14 21:25:14

How long has fil been father figure to your dh?
I can understand his hurt, but nobody can tell someone else what to do with their money.
It's a shitter, what would you say they do, put in all 3 names?
How's the biological son going to feel?
At least pil told you, they need not have.
I'm so sorry if this is inappropriate but I've heard say "blood is thicker than water" it's not the youngest sons fault.
I can understand the upset though.
Sorry I've babbled and not helped.

Champagnecharleyismyname Thu 20-Feb-14 21:25:22

I am just sad for DH who has not picked up on being treated differently, I have noticed a few things over the years but not said anything. DH says FIL was very good to them but for me this shows the difference in relationship.

MIL seems to not see the issue as the money came from FILs relative.

ExitPursuedTheRoyalPrude Thu 20-Feb-14 21:28:17

That is shit. I can understand why your DH is upset. Why did they feel the need to put it in the son's name?

Champagnecharleyismyname Thu 20-Feb-14 21:29:44

Actually drnoitall you have helped. Absolutely agree PIL can do what they like with their money. It's just the feeling of treating their 'biological' child differently.

drnoitall Thu 20-Feb-14 21:30:10

Sorry op. Just re-read.
So fil bought up your dh from young age, no contact with their own biological dad.
Gosh, that's harsh. What a thoughtless and unkind thing to do.
I'm sorry.
It must be awful for your dh and you seeing him upset.
Fil has shown himsf to be an arse.
Mil , does she get no say?

Champagnecharleyismyname Thu 20-Feb-14 21:31:32

Exit they said they did it for inheritance tax reasons as the property would be left to youngest son as it was bought with money from FIL's relative.

ExitPursuedTheRoyalPrude Thu 20-Feb-14 21:34:48

I can understand wanting to avoid inheritance tax. But still seems harsh.

Cobain Thu 20-Feb-14 21:41:43

How do you know it was not the wishes of FIL relative who left the money? It does seem harsh.

Adeleh Thu 20-Feb-14 21:45:03

Maybe FIL thinks older two brothers might get inheritance themselves from their father's side of the family, and the younger son will have no part of that?

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Thu 20-Feb-14 21:46:02

Might it have been something that your fils relative wanted to happen with the money?

I have friends who had a similar situation in the the DH treated all of the dc as his but his extended family wanted to leave money only to his biological children

Jollyjennie Thu 20-Feb-14 21:52:27

YNBU. We have 4 children, 1 is my husband's, 1 is mine and 2 are ours. All brought up together as one family and all left an equal share in our wills. I feel for your husband - it must be very upsetting. It's not about the money, it's about your place in the family.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: