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To be offended by being asked to explain why I didn't change my name when I got married

(116 Posts)
takingnoprisoners Thu 20-Feb-14 18:44:59

In order to do some voluntary work!!
I filled in all the forms and took in my passport and driving license to show them and told them then that I chose to keep my name when I got married. It was a part of my identity that I didn't want to change and as it turned out was the right decision as the marriage didn't last. We are not officially divorced so I am technically married. I am quite cross about being asked to explain this again, I really don't see what business it is of theirs.
I didn't realise I was being particularly radical by doing this, I guess I am more of a feminist than I knew!

CMOTDibbler Thu 20-Feb-14 18:48:02

I don't explain to anyone in that sort of scenario - your name is whatever you choose to be known as, and as documented on your passport. What your spouses name is is nothing to do with someone you volunteer with.

Justanotherposter Thu 20-Feb-14 18:49:51

Were you asked to explain or did you feel the need to explain?

If someone asked me, I'd have just asked them why I should have changed my name? Put the onus on them to explain to you why they think you should have done!!

BrianTheMole Thu 20-Feb-14 18:50:47

It is irritating. I would just look blankly at people and say 'because I didn't want to'.

sadbodyblue Thu 20-Feb-14 18:50:57

why would you care though as long as they just accept the fact and don't speculate or criticise.

I couldn't wait to change my foreign and impossible to spell maiden name to my dhs very very ordinary one.

Yama Thu 20-Feb-14 18:51:56

I've only ever been asked socially.

No, I wouldn't take kindly to be asked in any kind of official capacity.

Justanotherposter Thu 20-Feb-14 18:52:14

Please say you were a Ms as well grin

Some people need to get with the fact that women don't need to change their name.

Of course - explaining a merged / mashed surname would have been fun!!

FryOneFatManic Thu 20-Feb-14 18:53:31

OP, you are right, as long as you have the documents to prove you are who you say you are, then the name you happen to have is all they need to know. Why you have that particular name is neither her, nor there, and certainly none of their business.

Onesleeptillwembley Thu 20-Feb-14 18:53:42

I changed my name, was happy to, though actually work under my maiden name.
I can see that socially some people may just be genuinely interested in why you made that choice.

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 20-Feb-14 18:59:54

What do you mean change my name?
To your husband's name of course
You mean you think I should be called Mark as well? How odd.
*walk away shaking head quizzically.

takingnoprisoners Thu 20-Feb-14 19:00:57

I was asked to explain when I was sat filling in the forms and the lady I was with was surprised and asked me why, I said it was my choice, and she didn't ask any further. She said it was the first time this had happened! I have now been asked in an email to give another short explanation. I feel like telling them to fuck off!
As you say they have seen several forms of id, passport, driving license and utility bills so what business is it of theirs?

Casmama Thu 20-Feb-14 19:03:02

I must be missing something- either you volunteered the information unnecessarily in which case it seems reasonable to think you would be open to questions or your name is not the same on al, the info you provided.

Didyouhearmeontheradio Thu 20-Feb-14 19:03:50

I'd ask them why it matters to them.

Funnily enough, I'm fed up being asked to explain why I did change my name when I married (yeah, to be different ha).

TamerB Thu 20-Feb-14 19:05:08

People are just conditioned to be polite. People ask all sorts of intrusive questions and you really do not have to answer!

FryOneFatManic Thu 20-Feb-14 19:05:30

You don't need to give them any further explanation. Your documents match who you say you are, end of matter.

poorfoxyloxy Thu 20-Feb-14 19:05:31

yanbu!! tell them to mind their own effing business!!!!

tess73 Thu 20-Feb-14 19:05:39

How did it come up?
I didn't change my name so apart from when the kids are involved and therefore we have different names it never comes up... Can't see how it did?

steff13 Thu 20-Feb-14 19:07:18

How did she know you hadn't taken your husband's name?

theycantalk Thu 20-Feb-14 19:08:34

I am a bit confused as to how it came up as well. I didn't change my name on marriage either, so I made no changes to my passport. When I've used it for ID I've just brought it in and filled out all forms as I would have before I got married (I was a 'Ms' both before and after marriage). So have never had to justify not changing my name as my marital status just hasn't come up.

KatnipEvergreen Thu 20-Feb-14 19:08:47

I don't see why you would have to explain why you haven't changed your name. I sometimes have to produce my marriage certificate because of the opposite reason - I did change my name after I got my professional qualifications.

FryOneFatManic Thu 20-Feb-14 19:10:18

I would suspect that whoever is asking for the explanation is one of those people who doesn't realise it's not mandatory to change your name on marriage.

everlong Thu 20-Feb-14 19:10:43

She is probably just nosy by nature.
She shouldn't have asked you though.

exexpat Thu 20-Feb-14 19:11:43

I've heard this comes up sometimes if you need to be CRB checked (or whatever it is called now) - if you are female, and put marital status as married, the system automatically asks you for your previous name, and basically throws a fit if you leave it blank - or it used to, judging from some previous threads on here.

So something like that might have happened when they processed your details. Otherwise, they are just being incredibly old fashioned and nosy.

eurochick Thu 20-Feb-14 19:16:17

They've asked you to send an email? Wtaf? I think mine would say "my name is my name". Or a rant about feminism. One of the two!

takingnoprisoners Thu 20-Feb-14 19:32:12

Here is what I was asked
I have been asked one question regarding your forms, your surname is Takingnoprisoners and your title is Mrs but you have not stated a maiden name. Did you not change your name when you married? It would be useful if you could offer a short explanation please.
I think it is because of the CRB check they do like Exexpat said but surely logic can be applied and if there is no maiden name it is because you chose not to change your name! Something like this happening reminds me why feminism is still relevant and very much needed!

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