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AIBU?

To wish dp wouldn't keep rubbing it in that he's ticking off one of my bucket list entries?

38 replies

BiPolarBearz · 20/02/2014 17:47

I know I am really.

Basically he's gone to China for a week with work. Somewhere I've always wanted to go. All expenses paid. So all week he's been sending me pictures back of the sights of Shanghai and messages about how great everything is. "oh they took us out to dinner! oh they paid for us to go on a night time river cruise! oh they upgraded my room ... look at the TV above the spa bath in the following pic! oh they keep trying to get me drunk! you'd love it here!"

Yes. I'm sure I would. However I'm stuck at home looking after the kids, working full time, my degree is falling to pieces, my career is looking doomed and I'm trying to wean myself off anti-depressants.

I'm chuffed for him that he has a good job and is having a good time, I genuinely am but it feels like he's rubbing it in a bit. No doubt it will be all I hear about for weeks when he gets back.

I know, I'm being unreasonable and a bit of a bitch but does he really need to go on?

OP posts:

Report

JumpingJackSprat · 20/02/2014 17:50

I don't think yabu. I'd be majorly pissed off and would be planning how to raise or save the money to go. Tell him although you're pleased for him you don't want to hear all about it because you're envious. In some circumstances I don't feel there is a anything wrong with admitting you're jealous and he should definitely be more sensitive.

AnyFuckerHQ · 20/02/2014 17:51

Tell him to be more sensitive

he sounds like a bragging child

saulaboutme · 20/02/2014 17:53

Yanbu.

Either nod and grit your teeth or tell him you're happy for him now fuck the fuck off

TunipTheUnconquerable · 20/02/2014 17:54

Yes, it would only be fair for him to go 'You'd love it here!' if he was planning to arrange for you to go too soon.

WorraLiberty · 20/02/2014 17:55

I think you're just at a low point in your life possibly?

What you've described is perfectly natural behaviour I think and probably something I would say/do to my DH if I went somewhere exciting.

Does he know how low you feel?

If he does then it's a pretty poor show but if he doesn't, I can understand why he'd want to share his experiences with you.

TiredFeet · 20/02/2014 17:56

I don't think yabu. Dh is off somewhere cool at the minute as well, but I told him I'm a bit jealous and he thought that was totally fair! I am pleased/ excited for him but also wish I could go, so I won't mind hearing all about it and I hope he will take some photos but if he was sending messages like that all the time I would get pretty grumpy

ImperialBlether · 20/02/2014 17:56

Send him pictures back.

"Oh look at the rain!"

"Oh look at the kitchen sink, all filled up with dishes!"

"Oh look at the bathroom after the DC have thrown everything out of the bath!"

Then send another:

"Oh look at this big empty bed. If you send another fucking photo of your jolly you will never go near this bed again."

BiPolarBearz · 20/02/2014 17:56

thank god, I thought I'd get a load of "stop being a jealous bitch!" responses.

Of course I want him to succeed and have a good life but as soon as he got there he sent me photos of the sky scrapers, his evening meal, the 4 poster bed, the ffing bath with the TV above it, the party in the Chinese restaurant, the river cruise ... then he says "how was your day?" my reply? well up at 5am, drove to work, got smacked about a bit as usual, came home, made tea, sat in front of the tv ... you know, the usual."

I just can't understand why he's rubbing it in so much, unless he just doesn't realise. I've tried being reasonable, make nice comments about his photos, tell him I'm glad he's having a good time but after the 6th picture tonight and a shit load of bragging about the river cruise I'm ready to tell him to shut the fuck up about it now.

OP posts:

sadbodyblue · 20/02/2014 17:56

he's probably just excited and trying to involve you.

my dh was in Sydney for 6 months 2 years ago during that very long long cold winter.

must admit the skipe site of him sipping cocktails of his balcony overlooking Sydney harbour and complaining if how hot it was while I was in the house freezing with 3 jumpers on and keeping the kids/house sorted made me feel slightly unhinged towards him.

sadbodyblue · 20/02/2014 17:59

and sure he doesn't realise either.

BiPolarBearz · 20/02/2014 17:59

he knows I'm jealous. I told him before he went that I'm happy for him that he gets to go but I'm a bit upset that I can't. He said he understood that - so why be so insensitive??

I feel like booking myself a quick trip to the south of France and sending him a picture saying "ohh look at the beach!! lovely weather here, shame about the rain in Shanghai ... " [evil]

OP posts:

ScentedScandal · 20/02/2014 18:01

Blimey you poor thing, I don't think yabu, not a bit. My mil used to phone us up from balmy holidays to tell us how much we'd love it there. At the time we were knackered with 3 dc under 3 and not a bean to spare. I could have cheerfully stuffed her cocktail umbrella where the sun wasn't shining.

momb · 20/02/2014 18:03

Oh gosh. I so did this last year when I went to China on business. The thing is he's probably so sleep deprived and so over-hosted that he's a bit hyper (I certainly was) and missing you so he wants to share everything with you.
I even sent home a photo of a cooked chicken's head that was served at a banquet I attended ffs.
It is a fascinating place and a huge culture shock. I'm sure that (unless he's a complete git most of the time) that he doesn't mean to rub it in, he's just trying to share all that he's experiencing with you.

WorraLiberty · 20/02/2014 18:03

Oh I dont' know then

Maybe he doesn't understand the extent of your jealousy?

There's a big difference between being upset that you can't go too, and not wanting to be the one he shares his excitement with.

musicmadness · 20/02/2014 18:05

If you've been reacting positively/neutrally to the photos so far there is a good chance he doesn't have a clue how you are feeling, even if he knows you were jealous of him going.

I don't think YABU but I do think you need to spell it out to him that you don't want to see the pictures. Just say if he sends you another one that it is making you feel really jealous and could he please not send you anymore.

sadbodyblue · 20/02/2014 18:06

mmm be careful you don't spoil this trip for the both of you op.

BiPolarBearz · 20/02/2014 18:08

Maybe if I wasn't having such a shit time here I wouldn't be so bothered. I guess I'm feeling a bit bitter that since we got together I've missed nights outs for him (although he never thinks twice about going out with his mates!). I gave up my hobby for him as he moaned that he don't see enough of each other etc so now when he goes away - I'm stuck here with sweet FA going on.

OP posts:

TunipTheUnconquerable · 20/02/2014 18:08

I dunno though, my dh sometimes does the opposite, where he goes on amazing trips and just grumbles about how much he hates it.
That's worse - I'm left holding the baby AND have to deal with providing him with emotional support because he is suffering so much from staying in all those luxury hotels with noisy aircon and eating rich food that gives him indigestion.

sadbodyblue · 20/02/2014 18:09

good grief you can't tell him not to send you a picture again.

he's your oh, your best mate, on an adventure!! yes get you are not there and want to be but come on, dig deep, bet you will have your chances too.

Bunbaker · 20/02/2014 18:10

He is lucky that he is staying somewhere nice. OH goes to China regularly. It is in the back of beyond and the food is practically inedible. He is staying in the real China where people still live drab lives. He doesn't enjoy his visits there.

bearsprout · 20/02/2014 18:11

Perhaps he's happy because it's a great experience?

sadbodyblue · 20/02/2014 18:11

can you not ring up a mate and have a night out this week? and it is a business trip not a mates holiday so expect he had to go really.

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ImperialBlether · 20/02/2014 18:12

Well, the first thing you do when he gets back is reclaim your hobby. There's no way you should give up a hobby that you really enjoy.

Catsmamma · 20/02/2014 18:13

dh used to do this...not nearly as exotic, but I like fancy hotels and he used to have jaunts off for a couple of days. I'd be at home with three under five, doing my raving narna the witching hour tea/bath/bed routine when he'd phone and tell me how swanky the hotel was, how fabulous the bathroom was, all the breakfast selections....and how he was sure I'd love it. Then he'd wonder why I was a bit curt on the phone!!

And fgs woman....get your hobby back!!

kelper · 20/02/2014 18:14

My dh is vey likely to be travelling round the world fairly soon, I am super jealous, but hopefully one day ds and I will get to do it with him.
I also told him to look for houses in oz and nz :)
Hopefully he brings you back a fab pressie op, and you get planning your china trip soon

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