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To have spd and feel like a terrible mother

(10 Posts)
MrsSeanBean1 Thu 20-Feb-14 16:23:11

I have a 2 year old DD and am currently 4 days overdue with number 2. I had mild spd with my 1st pregnancy and then quite badly for a few weeks when I was 20 weeks pregnant with this one. It has returned over the last few days and I can barely walk. I am literally bent over, clutching the wall in order to walk a few steps.

I am a SAHM and am used to taking my DD to activities and groups. Obviously I can't do this now and feel really bad that she is suffering because of having a 2nd child. Today she has mainly been plonked in front of her dance DVD and left to play on her own because I can hardly get up off the sofa.

I honestly don't know what to do. Should I get DH to start his paternity leave early to help me? I won't then have him for long after I have the baby and might struggle to cope on my own. Should I kick up a fuss about being in agony and get induced, although I am really petrified of induction and wanted to avoid it if possible.

Any advice or tips for dealing with spd much appreciated.

vj32 Thu 20-Feb-14 16:31:00

I am in similar situation although I'm only 36 weeks. I would call in any favours you can to get DD out of the house but... a few days or even a week of watching lots of TV aren't going to hurt her long term.

Can you encourage her to bring things to you to play with? DS cooks for me in his play kitchen and brings me snacks and hot drinks. He has also brought his farm into my bed a couple of times and we have played on the bed in the morning with all the animals.

I knew this time would be difficult so have got parents and inlaws visiting as well. I do feel quite shit having to pack him off to other people, but I can't sit on the floor and do the things he wants to do, its only for a few weeks.

lucy101 Thu 20-Feb-14 16:31:24

Hi there, I just wanted to offer sympathy and say that I have been in the same boat (and terrible guilt about the amount of time stuck inside). I have been lucky enough to be able to afford to put my son in nursery in the mornings and get someone to collect him and take him to the park at lunchtime (a lovely childminder who had a few spare hours), would either of those be an option for you? If it gives you any hope mine has miraculously got a lot better over the last three weeks (35 now) after barely being able to walk at Xmas. I saw an Osteo (in London though, on a recommendation from mumsnet) and I didn't really believe it could make a difference but it really has. I have felt terribly down about not being as mobile as I had hoped (with a load of other pregnancy problems too) and feeling like a rubbish mum...

technosausage Thu 20-Feb-14 16:31:30

I'm sure that your dd really doesn't might to much TV for a few days, relax and put your feet up. I'm currently 7 1\2 months pregnant and have a 18 month old and its hard work!
http://activity-mom.com
Can't do links but some of the ideas on this website have saved my bacon and few times.

Pigletin Thu 20-Feb-14 16:32:25

Sorry you're feeling so bad. To be honest, it's probably better that your DH keeps his paternity leave and is able to help you once baby is here. Is there any way you can pay a babysitter or a childminder to watch your DD for a few hours a day while you relax at home?

mummytowillow Thu 20-Feb-14 16:58:36

I feel for you, I had it and it os awful sad

Mine disappeared as soon as DD was born. A few days indoors with DVD's will be fine, you need to take it easy.

JoinYourPlayfellows Thu 20-Feb-14 17:04:42

Sympathy smile

The way I would look at this is that in deciding to have another baby, you have basically ruined her life, so it might as well start now grin

I will NEVER forgive my parents for choosing to have my sister. Why wasn't I enough? wink

Honestly, I don't even remember the time before my sister was born and I have had a lifetime of support and fun (and rows over clothes) with her.

I don't at all mean to make light of your pain, or your situation. It's shit that you are so disabled by your pregnancy and that you have to choose between support now (when you know you need it) and support in a few weeks (when you don't know how much you will need it, but you really need the option).

In your position I think I'd muddle through with the dance DVDs and keep the paternity leave in hand.

Your daughter will be fine.

I still feel guilty for having my youngest and ruining my middle child's life. I probably always will.

MrsMook Thu 20-Feb-14 17:09:36

C Beebies was an essential tool for surviving a winter pregnancy with SPD. Last year we had the snow on and off until baby was born in April. I ended up on crutches for the last 6 weeks. There was a lot of TV in the months after as it was slow to clear up and still heavily restrictive for months, and a month being dominated by chicken pox just as I was feeling ready to face the world. It added up to a lot of TV time, but when I felt ready, a timer was put on the TV, and we started going back to groups. An osteopath has made a massive difference to me, my only regret about that was waiting until baby was 3 months when it became clear the SPD was going nowhere fast. It usually goes very quickly and did first time.

Don't feel guilty, just do what is right to keep you going. DS may have watched a lot of TV during my pregnancy and recovery, but the gains from having his sibling have well outweighed that.

Marylou62 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:46:28

Oh I really feel for you and just wanted to say that tho my SPD wasn't as bad as yours, I really know what you are saying. Was SICK tho till the end!. I just wanted to say that both my older kids here (23 n20) and I asked them if they felt that I was a 'bad Mother' when pregnant with DS3. My daughter, when she read your post went ' AAAWWW! Poor lady!' Your first child will have no memory of this and you are NOT a bad Mother. If you lived anywhere near me (Cornwall) I would come n help. Am Nanny between jobs) Don't be so hard on yourself. Good Luck. My SPD went almost completely as soon as DS£ born.

Marylou62 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:48:34

Oh I really feel for you and just wanted to say that tho my SPD wasn't as bad as yours, I really know what you are saying. Was SICK tho till the end!. I just wanted to say that both my older kids here (23 n20) and I asked them if they felt that I was a 'bad Mother' when pregnant with DS3. My daughter, when she read your post went ' AAAWWW! Poor lady!' Your first child will have no memory of this and you are NOT a bad Mother. If you lived anywhere near me (Cornwall) I would come n help. Am Nanny between jobs) Don't be so hard on yourself. Good Luck. My SPD went almost completely as soon as DS£ born.

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