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or is the only thing worse than long term trying to conceive sex

(53 Posts)
ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 20-Feb-14 11:41:42

Actual get the baby out sex.

No one wants to be there. You're both tired fed up and sad.

You can barely find your fanjo, let alone dh find a way in.
He has that sad, "oh god not again" look in his eye, you have the sad yes "we have to because I can't walk around with a bowlingball in my cervix one more day" look in your eye.

Me: that hurts that way.

Me: That hurts that way

DH: um is this better?

Me: define "better"

Dh: Can we go to sleep now?

Me: You just have to finish, no fancy stuff

Me: ARRRRGH LEG CRAMP!

Me: Ok we're done.

__________________________________
<later in the bathroom>

Me: My vagina, dh come here my vagina!

Dh: um is something hanging out?

Me: I don't know it's all swollen and veiny, I don't think anything is falling out....

Writerwannabe83 Thu 20-Feb-14 11:43:47

grin Oh the romance...... grin

ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 20-Feb-14 11:46:38

It's all sexytime here wannabe grin

I forgot you're also full to the brim with curry and pineapple and trying to avoid hurling up acid indigestion all while making lurrrrve

pettyprudence Thu 20-Feb-14 11:50:56

I was going to attempt this tonight but every time I actually think about it, I lose the will - urgh! its just all too sensitive down there. BUT I want this baby out before sunday so best get cracking grin who said tomance is dead eh?

MadIsTheNewNormal Thu 20-Feb-14 11:53:15

Oh God, I remember with DS2 running into the GP's surgery and hoiking up my dress and going 'Look! Look! It's not normal! WTF is going on? It's like the Elephant Man down there!' shock

ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 20-Feb-14 11:54:54

I'm wondering if dh having a wank in a cup and making friends with a syringe is just as helpful petty

That would be about right mad

Sparklingbrook Thu 20-Feb-14 11:56:43

When the midwife said 'you can always try sex' to get DS2 out DH said 'she will have to find someone to have sex with'. hmm

PiperRose Thu 20-Feb-14 12:00:09

There is evidence to say that ingesting the semen is more effective.

Just saying.

ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 20-Feb-14 12:02:27

grin at your dh sparking

piper "evidence" found by male scientist I reckon.

Stockhausen Thu 20-Feb-14 12:06:34

Im going to be super smug... and say I/we enjoyed it right to the end. The birthing ball was very handy!

CrohnicallyFarting Thu 20-Feb-14 12:07:02

Nipple stimulation is what you want, made my waters break out of the blue, with no preceding signs of labour.

Sparklingbrook Thu 20-Feb-14 12:07:03

In the end I had a sweep and DS2 popped out in 35 minutes on his due date. So ha! to DH. grin

PiperRose Thu 20-Feb-14 12:09:36

I remember this from working with a male colleague who's dp was 9 days overdue. He printed it out and marched off home with a smile on his face. I never found out if they did it but she did give birth later that evening.

ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 20-Feb-14 12:10:14

chronically how did you go about it? Manually or with a pump, I've tried both but never worked for me in the past sad

Oh really stockhausen liar? grin

Sparkling he popped out 35 mins after your sweep!? I had them 2 times in both previous pregnancies and they did f-all

ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 20-Feb-14 12:10:52

She probably made him do it in a cup and topped it up with a glass of wine piper

CrohnicallyFarting Thu 20-Feb-14 12:28:29

Manually, I was expressing colostrum. There's a knack to it, you have to push back towards your chest with your fingers. To be fair, I had been expressing 2-3x daily for almost 2 weeks when my waters went, maybe you need the cumulative effect? My midwife did warn me not to start before 36 weeks, and not to express for more than 10 minutes at a time because of the risks of starting labour.

Catsize Thu 20-Feb-14 12:30:27

Evening primrose oil - orally and vaginally. Similar effect apparently, less emotional.

bumblebeebzz Thu 20-Feb-14 12:41:33

grin at 'define better'

Pigeonhouse Thu 20-Feb-14 13:34:49

There's no evidence any of it works, so sit on your ass and enjoy the end of your pregnancy without unenjoyable blowjobs or hippopotamus-type sex, endless curry, primrose oil, pineapple and raspberry tea.

(I say this as someone who tried everything to get my son out, including lots of acupuncture and walking for miles and miles - I walked sixteen miles on my due date looking like an angry house. He turned out to be so wound up in the cord that nothing would have dislodged him -ELCS. On the other hand, I ended my pregnancy pretty fit.)

MiaowTheCat Thu 20-Feb-14 13:37:18

I always thought that shoving the pineapple up there would have been more effective.

Having said that - no bloody chance of pregnancy shagging for me once my SPD kicked in both times - I got bloody stuck on the scan table when my hips and pelvis locked into position and had to be hoiked off it!

halfwildlingwoman Thu 20-Feb-14 13:38:57

At 42 weeks, NO WAY was that man coming anyway near me unless it was with lovely food. Which he would have to leave nearby and then dart away in case I growled at him.

ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 20-Feb-14 13:57:59

chrically ah thanks, that's a big commitment..hmm

16 miles!

<weeps>

BlueDesmarais Thu 20-Feb-14 13:59:01

Don't do it then. Sex isn't actually going to get the baby out any more than 'curry!' or 'dancing under the moon!' or 'watch a scary movie!'

I got my first out by the magic of Sod's Law. I booked a dentist's appointment for my due date, knowing it would be a right faff to miss it and need to rearrange.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Thu 20-Feb-14 14:53:22

Sex never helped me go into labour with any of my dc

I always had loads of sex at the end of my pregnancies because it was the only thing that helped me sleep grin poor DH, I hope he didn't mind too much- it was the least he could do really though grin

ReadyToPopAndFresh Thu 20-Feb-14 15:14:32

blue it's the semen that does it, Did you not ever feel mild contractions after sex with DH at end of pregnancy? proglastin gel (sp?) used to contain pig semen although think they now use artificial proglastin

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