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Not to give money towards honeymoon for partners mum

(13 Posts)
cucumberkaleidascope Wed 19-Feb-14 20:28:50

My partner and I have been together for 4 years, his mum is getting married (for the 3rd time).

Partners mum earns 150k+ per year, lots of savings and investments etc.

We received the invite to their wedding, inside was a leaflet guiding us to a 'trailblazers' website or something similar. Upon logging on, we find that their requested wedding gift is a financial contribution towards their honeymoon.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to contribute a monetary amount out of principal as they have enough money? - I would rather spend £150 on a thoughtful gift than give even £10 as just money. Or is it just what they want so should be respected ?

Partner and I earn just avove minimum wage and currently (luckily) live with my parents whilst we save for a house of our own

Thanks in advance, really don't know where I stand with this one!

MyNameIsWinkly Wed 19-Feb-14 20:30:46

I think YABU, why would you waste your money buying something they neither need nor want?

Are there other issues? You sound like you are jealous, or don't like her much.

Ratbagcatbag Wed 19-Feb-14 20:31:59

If they would like money then that's their choice. We asked for money, most gave, some didn't, others bought a nice gift. Every single person who came made our day special though so it wasn't an issue whatever people did.
Buy a gift if you would feel better, what about a trip out for them whilst on honeymoon?

Roseformeplease Wed 19-Feb-14 20:33:35

Buy them a guide book for their chosen destination. £10 but shows you are thinking of them and their choices. Hate, hate, hate money requests.

2beornot Wed 19-Feb-14 20:38:29

Given that they are an older couple, they probably have far too much 'stuff'. Why would you buy a gift they don't want or need. Don't donate to the honeymoon if you dont want to, but don't waste your money buying something else.

missymayhemsmum Wed 19-Feb-14 20:47:46

Given the income disparity surely they wouldn't expect a contribution, merely to get yourselves to the wedding, dressed up and ready to wish them well would be enough? On the other hand to have missed off the wedding list bit off the invite might have offended you so perhaps you got the same invite everyone else got?

cucumberkaleidascope Wed 19-Feb-14 20:57:16

We wouldn't be wasting money buying something they didn't want as there are lots of nice things we know they'd love and really appreciate. I'm not at all jealous and don't dislike her, we are all very close, I was just curious about the etiquette around this topic, is it considered very rude to give a gift if you've been asked for money? I feel it's very impersonal.

andadietcoke Wed 19-Feb-14 21:03:09

Give a gift of your choice if you want to. Maybe they've decided to have a honeymoon fund because often the bride and groom are asked about a list as many people find it easier to buy from? As a close family member it wouldn't be rude to go 'off list' at all.

MimiSunshine Wed 19-Feb-14 21:08:44

The etiquette is give what's asked for or nothing at all. To give something else is IMO effectively saying "no, no, you don't really want that, you want this. You just haven't realised, but don't worry I know better".

I went to a friends wedding last year, she had a gift list, I was actually really looking forward to picking something off it for her. However it contained the dullest things (well dull to me), I was really disappointed but I still bought something she'd picked as that was what she would appreciate.

BonaDea Wed 19-Feb-14 21:16:32


What the hell does it matter what they earn? These days most people have a list or otherwise indicate what they would like. I would imagine that two older people have everything's they would like for their house, and given they are well off could buy anything else they needed.

Instead, knowing that their guests will want to get them a gift, they have asked for this.

Again- you are being entirely unreasonable.

BrokenToeOuch Wed 19-Feb-14 21:24:49

People don't get married to get presents or money. Pretty sure they could just not get married and spend all the money on a holiday themselves instead.
The wedding and celebration is something they want to do, and have invited you as a guest to join in and celebrate with them.
Gifts or donations aren't compulsory. You can do as you please.

Marylou2 Wed 19-Feb-14 21:30:01

YANBU. If anyone marries for the 3rd time they are taking the piss asking for gifts at all.

pancakedayiscoming Wed 19-Feb-14 21:35:03

If they asked for something you considered tasteless you wouldn't give it? If you hate pop mucic and for your friends birthday, a friend who totally loves pop, you decide to give your preferred death metal instead, are you doing the right thing?

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