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to think my friend is ruining her DC's childhood

(249 Posts)
rabbitdisposal Wed 19-Feb-14 20:13:31

I realize it's really none of my business, but I'm feeling judgey today. Basically, my friend's been doing a lot of things to her children that make me go hmm. Her kids are 8, 10 and 13.

She won't allow DVD's rated higher than a 12 in the house, won't allow her kids to visit friends unless she personally knows the parents, makes her kids use hand sanitizer pretty much all the time (I mentioned that a few germs are good, immune system and all that and she looked at me like I was mad), never EVER lets her two youngest play out on their own, is constantly on the pedohunt, and every time their is a slight sniffle or cough she's convinced it's hypothermia and they need to be admitted to hospital.

The reason why I'm concerned is because the kids are barely able to do anything without mummy. Her eldest is still dropped off and picked up when she wants to go out with friends - thus, she's never been on a bus. Just looking for similar experiences and how I can make her calm down a bit.

SantanaLopez Wed 19-Feb-14 20:14:30

They're still only young, butt out.

Doingakatereddy Wed 19-Feb-14 20:15:56

Perhaps she has a good reason, you do my know her or the kids background for certain.

I agree, butt out

TiredFeet Wed 19-Feb-14 20:16:39

Well apart from the hand sanitiser /germs obsession, the rest sounds like my childhood and it was an incredibly happy one

TheSydenhamSet Wed 19-Feb-14 20:17:18


ToootSweet Wed 19-Feb-14 20:17:19

I feel really sorry for the children.
Is there a dh? Does he agree with her?

I wouldn't let a 13 year old on a bus on their own unless it was an emergency.
I don't think that's unusual.

Sirzy Wed 19-Feb-14 20:18:31

Has one of them had health problems when younger? The health side of things sounds a bit ott but the rest doesn't sound too bad. Each to their own and there are much worse things a parent could be doing.

Acinonyx Wed 19-Feb-14 20:18:34

Oh - I know much more restrictive parents than this. That's nothing! You have to butt out until they are rampant teenagers running wild. Of course you can't help but judge - it's human. But it's hardly child abuse.

SamHamwidge Wed 19-Feb-14 20:19:00

She sounds a little overprotective, but better than being a parent who doesn't give a shit surely? Also I don't mean to be unkind but this isn't your business. I expect (hope) she will lighten up as they get a little older.

LynetteScavo Wed 19-Feb-14 20:19:02

I think it sounds pretty standard for many kids of today, so I doubt their childhoods are being ruined.

Infact, the DVD thing sounds perfectly healthy, and I think more people should share her attitude.

purplebaubles Wed 19-Feb-14 20:19:05

She won't allow DVD's rated higher than a 12 in the house, won't allow her kids to visit friends unless she personally knows the parents

Erm..that bit just sounds like good parenting to me..hmm

DustyBaubles Wed 19-Feb-14 20:19:27

We'll apart from the hand sanitiser and the over concern about their health, that's pretty much how I parent.

I don't want my eight and ten year olds running the streets, they don't watch inappropriate films, they don't get the bus alone. If I could drive, I suppose I'd run them to school if I had time.

It sounds pretty typical to me.

CuriosityCola Wed 19-Feb-14 20:19:28

Apart from the hand sanitizer (and that's personal choice), none of those seem that odd to me. I suppose the freedom aspect depends on the area you live in.

I do love hoisting my judgey pants normally grin

Fairenuff Wed 19-Feb-14 20:20:08

I wouldn't allow them to watch dvds rated higher than 12 either, as the next age is 15 and none of them are 15. I wouldn't let them have 15 rated games either.

Maybe you are ruining your children's lives by being too permissive?

Each to their own.

Twighlightsparkle Wed 19-Feb-14 20:21:58

I do the hand sanitizer thing, because I have emmetophobia . Maybe she has an issue like that.

Very few of my friends know.

Topaz25 Wed 19-Feb-14 20:23:32

It's not normal for a 13 year old to have never been on a bus. It's not teaching them the skills they need for life. In a few years they will need to be more independent for further education or employment. It will also affect their ability to socialise. She must mean well but she is holding her children back. From her reaction to your comment about germs I don't think there's much you can do though.

MerylStrop Wed 19-Feb-14 20:24:41

some of that sounds like good parenting
all of it put together might (note might) be slightly anxious over parenting
mind your own

motherinferior Wed 19-Feb-14 20:25:02

Nah, she does sound a bit bonkers.

What does she do - check out her kids' friends' parents every time they're invited to tea? And a 13 year old who has never been on a bus?

morethanpotatoprints Wed 19-Feb-14 20:25:47

Also agree, apart from the sanitizer and slight cold, it sounds quite healthy to me. The next stage after 12 films is 15 and her eldest is only 13 so sounds right to me.

DustyBaubles Wed 19-Feb-14 20:26:01

I know loads of teenagers who have never used a bus, usually because they don't live in London and have parents with the time and money to ferry them around.

I know loads of adults who encountered bus travel for the first time only when they came to London.

motherinferior Wed 19-Feb-14 20:26:32

Do you lot really check out every parent? At eight is odd enough, but 13???

motherinferior Wed 19-Feb-14 20:27:28

There are buses outside London. I've seen them and everything.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Wed 19-Feb-14 20:27:54

Of course she should know the parents if her child is going somewhere for tea - I find it odd that you find that strange.

Patchouli Wed 19-Feb-14 20:28:45

Do you have DC?

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