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to tip the funeral director?

(28 Posts)
ahfuckit Wed 19-Feb-14 17:20:37

Can anyone tell me the correct etiquette? My Dad is really cut up about my Mum dying, but really happy with the service provided by the funeral director. He wants to show his appreciation, but is not sure a tip would be appropriate......? What do you think?

Nilgiri Wed 19-Feb-14 17:25:08

A really nice letter of thanks (maybe a card), plus permission for the funeral director to use quotes, would probably be greatly appreciated.

I'm sorry about your mum.

Motherinlawsdung Wed 19-Feb-14 17:28:02

I think the etiquette is to give the funeral director a tip "for the staff" and "for the gravedigger" if there has been a burial. Generally people have it ready in an envelope and just give it to the director who shares it out appropriately.

However no doubt lots of people will be along in a minute to say they don't agree with tipping, never tip waiters etc etc.

ahfuckit Wed 19-Feb-14 17:41:05

Not sure what funeral directors earn - is it minmum wage? wink

AgaPanthers Wed 19-Feb-14 17:42:39

It seems exceptionally vulgar to tip at a funeral.

londonrach Wed 19-Feb-14 17:44:37

Im sorry about your mum thanks

MBT1987 Wed 19-Feb-14 17:44:55

Full disclosure - I work in the funeral business.

We get cards a lot. They're always lovely to receive, and we put them on a wall of our office.

We don't expect a cash tip, but generally, if someone chooses to tip us in cash, it's around a fiver per staff member present - so, for a director, 2 drivers, 2 additional bearers, the general amount tipped is £25. It's enough for us to grab something to eat together once we get back to the office.

We personally tip the gravediggers £10 (which ensures that once a grave is filled, they arrange the flowers on top of the grave), and our local hospital £3 (for which they provide us with a wrapped sheet for transport, and height/width measurements so we can have the coffin made up more quickly). Some directors pass these costs on as "gratuities", some don't. Check your estimate to see if these costs have been included there or not.

Funnily enough, some of our ministers/celebrants give us a tip sometimes - fresh baked goods. Our humanist does a mean Mars Bar Rice Krispie cake.

Hope I've been of some help. Happy to chime back in if needed/requested.

squeakytoy Wed 19-Feb-14 17:45:20

funeral directors are certainly not on minimum wage..

squoosh Wed 19-Feb-14 17:45:40

I don't think it's 'exceptionally vulgar' for someone to show appreciation for a service that's been provided at a very difficult time. I'm sure they'd be thrilled for your thanks whether money is provided or not.

Sorry to hear about your Mum.

AgaPanthers Wed 19-Feb-14 17:49:47

Funerals cost £5k+ don't they?

Do people tip their builders, for digging good foundations?

squoosh Wed 19-Feb-14 17:51:19

Probably not, extensions tend to be less emotive than funerals however.

MBT1987 Wed 19-Feb-14 17:53:09

You must live in London, AgaPanthers - we start under £2k.

phantomnamechanger Wed 19-Feb-14 17:54:12

actually, you know, we did tip our builders when we had our extension built. not all of them, there had been a team of about 10 tradesmen altogether at different stages but the main 2 who had been here from the start we gave them £20 each and they were chuffed. why NOT say thank you for a job well done? that's not the same as saying it is to be expected - no one should ever expect a tip.

expatinscotland Wed 19-Feb-14 17:57:14

I had no idea you were supposed to tip funeral directors? Seroiously, where does all this tipping stop?

phantomnamechanger Wed 19-Feb-14 17:59:06

I don't think you are supposed to expat, like I said there should be no expectation, just that some people can afford it and are in the habit that that's how they say thank you rather then actually say it or write a nice card/letter.

justmyview Wed 19-Feb-14 18:01:15

I have no experience of organising a funeral, but I don't think they would expect tips. I would think a thank you card would be sufficient by way of thank you

ahfuckit Wed 19-Feb-14 18:02:31

The funeral is costing less than £2k (just) as we have had to go for the most basic available. The service we have received from the chap looking after us however, has not reflected this. He has given us his home and mobile number and nothing is too much trouble. I like the idea of a card with praise that they can use in their advertising. We just don't want to offend. No burial as she will be cremated.

Jellypudmum Wed 19-Feb-14 18:05:23

My mil put a notice of thanks in our local paper. Showed appreciation and was an added bonus of unexpected good advertising.

AwfulMaureen Wed 19-Feb-14 18:06:13

They make a lot of money. No need to tip. Sorry about your loss. flowers

AwfulMaureen Wed 19-Feb-14 18:07:16

Fuckit that's just a good funeral director. We had a similar service for my Dad and the treatment was wonderful,...they were so nice and thoughtful and gentle.

expatinscotland Wed 19-Feb-14 18:35:47

That's just a good director. I like the idea of a note of thanks in the newspaper.

user1478248755 Fri 04-Nov-16 08:47:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NavyandWhite Fri 04-Nov-16 09:04:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icelollycraving Fri 04-Nov-16 09:17:18

So sorry about your mum flowers
I think a card & a tip inside the card seems appreciative & discreet. Don't worry about all the anti tipping posts, you've had one from someone in the know upthread. Do what is right for you.

icelollycraving Fri 04-Nov-16 09:19:06

I really don't think this is a suitable thread to start advertising shock

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