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AIBU?

To siphon off DH's money?

79 replies

lettucelamp · 18/02/2014 18:43

DH gets paid cash and always has a lot of coins floating about (always pays with a note and just shoves change in his pocket). We've always had a small change jar, but I recently got one of those big money saving tins that you can't get into without a can opener. So I've started putting DH's £1's and £2's in there, along with some notes sometimes if I think he won't miss them with the intention of when it's full, it might pay for something nice for us; something to put towards a holiday maybe.

I haven't told DH I'm doing it, he knows I have the tin but thinks I just put the odd £1 in it, he hasn't noticed anything missing (he often gives me change for parking meter at work for example) and the reason I haven't told him is just because I want it to be a nice surprise for him. I'm not planning on running off with it.

Told my coworker yesterday though and she thinks it's stealing! That it's "his money" and I shouldn't take it.

So what do you think? AIBU? Should I tell him I'm doing it?

OP posts:

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TheCatThatSmiled · 18/02/2014 18:44

It's family money and you are saving for a family treat.

Reminder · 18/02/2014 18:45

I think you should tell him in a roundabout way what youre doing and why but yes great idea

SpottyDottie · 18/02/2014 18:45

Is his money separate to yours then and you can't have any of it? My DH is always putting his change down but he knows I will take from it. Not because I'm 'stealing' but because we might need to get something from the shop or give the kids pocket money. Could be anything. I'm a bit at separate finances once you are married. Its odd. Aren't you a team now??

Ifcatshadthumbs · 18/02/2014 18:45

Surely all the cash goes in a bank account so your DH has an accurate record for the tax man

caketinrosie · 18/02/2014 18:46

Nooo crack on! I'd love it if my dh thought of doing that, I think it's a great idea.

FluffySocksAndMarshmallows · 18/02/2014 18:46

Yes.

I don't know why, really. Perhaps because he's trusting you with access to the small change jar, and you are removing that cash, whether it's for his benefit or not.

For some reason, it would annoy me greatly if someone took money from my purse, or next to my bed. I'd happily give it to them if they asked, but if they just took it...that's not on.

I don't think you can do a nice surprise for someone if they are paying for it, even if they don't realise that they've paid for it until you tell them, so I'd just tell him that you've borrowed a few quid or whatever.

I might be overthinking this.

Sourpickles · 18/02/2014 18:47

I did this.

he was very happy when I presented him with a few thousand a few years later when we were in a financial pickle and had no way to pay.

He never. .ever noticed. And you know what that money would have gone on ? crap. . too many takeaways etc..

Fantissue · 18/02/2014 18:47

You're taking money from him without telling him. That's stealing, even if you mean to do something nice for him.

What if he gets caught short somewhere? What if he notices £10 has gone missing and thinks it's someone else?

MooMaid · 18/02/2014 18:49

Stealing? I don't particularly think it's stealing. Are you adding to the tin yourself? Are your finances joint?

Do you intend to permanently deprive him of the money because if not, I hardly think it's stealing!

formerbabe · 18/02/2014 18:49

If it was a husband taking his wife's money...it would be an ea and ltb all over this thread!

Reminder · 18/02/2014 18:50

I transfer all dh's milage claims to a savings account. it paid for our holiday last year. he knows has been told i do it but wouldn't do it himself and if it stayed in the main (joint) ac would be spent. same thing imo

NoArmaniNoPunani · 18/02/2014 18:50

Good point about the tax as he's paid cash.

MooMaid · 18/02/2014 18:51

what does ltb mean - never been able to work it out!!

But to be honest, without a bit more background, I wouldn't care if it was male or female, my opinion is still the same

formerbabe · 18/02/2014 18:52

Moomaid...it stands for 'leave the bastard!'

cardibach · 18/02/2014 18:52

Is this out of joint household money he just happens to have in his pocket, or out of his personal money (if you make that distinction). If it is from personal money, you should put the same in out of yours. I do think you should tell him what you are doing. I also think he should have a better grasp on how much money he has - if he can regularly miss £1s and £2s, and the odd note, he is a bit careless!

Crazdsky · 18/02/2014 18:52

I do this to. My husband is self employed and some times he is more flush than others so I stash some of his money away as he is really bad at budgeting then when he runs out of money I give him the stash to keep him going. He knows what I do but doesn't say anything.
It's stopped so many arguments as he hates asking me for money (even though what's mine is his etc we decided fairly on to keep things seperate as as much as he try's he's not great with money and its worked well for us for nearly 20 years)

Reminder · 18/02/2014 18:53

Ah yes, i suppose it does make a difference if its "his" money or joint money that he happens to have earned. Have never understood how the first scenario is even possible in a marriage

TheGreatHunt · 18/02/2014 18:58

If I did this with DH it wouldn't be stealing because it's our money. All into one pot. I'd tell him though.

moobaloo · 18/02/2014 19:00

Just tell him, I collect all my dp's money from his pockets when he leaves change in his clothes and I wash them, pick it up off the floor, table, etc. and store it all in a piggy bank. If he needs any change he can take it back, but he usually forgets it's there and doesn't realise he's got it. I go to the bank every couple of months and pay it into a savings account (which is in my name so he can't access it without me knowing). I put all my spare change in it as well and we are saving for a new car. If either of us needs the money in the meantime, for a bill or something, we can use it but we must ask the other permission first. I don't touch it, but I add to it whenever I can. It's OUR money, split equally no matter how much either of us has put in.

Hassled · 18/02/2014 19:01

It's not stealing. OP isn't planning on going anywhere with it - it remains in the house it was put down in.

If he's oblivious, carry on. It's a good way of saving.

HowGoodIsThat · 18/02/2014 19:02

My whole family know that any stray coinage or notes goes straight into the kitchen jar. Keep track of it or lose it!

handcream · 18/02/2014 19:04

So, he's not paying tax.....

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SofaKing · 18/02/2014 19:04

I do this. I'm sick of change falling out of dh's pockets and getting sucked up the hoover and blocking it.

Our jar is mainly full of coppers though!

lettucelamp · 18/02/2014 19:05

I knew taxman would get brought up, but tax is paid by employer before he even gets it - just prefers to take it in cash and has the option He's a bit old school (despite not even being 30 yet!).

I do put money in from me too but I tend not to have much cash as my wages go into my bank account and I tend to pay everything by card.

We technically have seperate finances but both put some money into a joint account to cover bills and then any leftover is just "ours" and gets distributed from either of us when/where needed.

I wasn't going to book a holiday without telling him, I just wanted to be like "oh btw I've managed to save us £xxx amount out of all the change you're always leaving lying around, fancy a holiday?!"

OP posts:

MaidOfStars · 18/02/2014 19:11

I wouldn't do this. And having recently learned from a drunk and gleeful husband about how easy it is to extricate money from my unopenable Mulberry money box (palette knife, if anyone's interested), I can tell you that I was horrified. It's not the amounts, it's the principle.

We have very uncomplicated and mostly separate finances though.

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