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WIBU at the pool

(107 Posts)
Bellini81 Tue 18-Feb-14 15:45:41

My son has swimming lessons at our local pool.
The training pool is in half for the 2 different groups of learners. One side is a bit younger than his side. Say 5-6 years old.

They all finish at the same time & as my son climbed out to be wrapped in a towel one of the fathers of the younger group pushed his daughter to me and said 'you take her into ladies and shower her' I politely said I couldn't do that as 1: that was the first time I had even set eyes on this girl and her on me and 2: I was planning on just throwing my sons clothes on and get him into a bath at home which we often do after swimming.

He huffed and sighed and I left.

The next set of lessons swing by and the same dad did EXACTLY the same thing to me pushed his daughter to me and demand I shower her.

I said to him that again I didn't feel comfortable showering a girl I didn't know and he got a bit aggressive and said 'what the fuck am I supposed to do then?' I said 'well when my husband takes our daughter she showers and dresses in the men's room with him'

He got really angry and paced around so I got our bits and hurried into the changing room with my son.

About a minute later the same dad stormed into the women's changing room with his daughter and shoved her under the shower with lots of naked women going "oiii" so he pointed to me and said 'it's her fault as she wouldn't shower her'...
He left pretty quickly after that and got his daughter dressed by the pool as when I left there was a lifeguard there with the man and again he was gesturing at me saying 'fucking this, fucking that'.

I explained to the lifeguard that he was being really aggressive because I refused to shower a child I don't know and he just sort of nodded.

I mean was I being really really unreasonable?

My son prefers the men's changing room but I don't randomly ask men if they could take my son and shower him? Why was it any different for a woman to do it? Would you have just showered her to save the aggro I eventually got?

Valdeeves Tue 18-Feb-14 15:50:39

I think he sounds terrible - I'd report his behaviour to the swim club. His poor daughter - that's basic care and he's getting riled over it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Tue 18-Feb-14 15:52:05


Elderberri Tue 18-Feb-14 15:52:08

WTAF.......he needs reporting..asking total strangers to shower his daughter naked.

whitepuddingsupper Tue 18-Feb-14 15:52:20

He was a fucking dickhead, his poor daughter being palmed off on strangers to be showered, she must have been mortified.

kinkyfuckery Tue 18-Feb-14 15:52:22

Wow what an aggressive twat.

I definitely would have done/said the same in your situation - and reported him to the club/pool.

DrSeuss Tue 18-Feb-14 15:52:39

What kind of person asks a random stranger to shower their child?!

WooWooOwl Tue 18-Feb-14 15:52:50

That man was a freak, and you did the right thing. It's not all all unreasonable to refuse to shower a child you don't know!

Melonbreath Tue 18-Feb-14 15:53:20

Yanbu. Aside from demanding a total stranger to wash his child effing and blinding in front of her is nasty.

RunRabbit Tue 18-Feb-14 15:54:43

YANBU. He sounds like an utter dick and you were too nice.

I would have said no, but only because I don't tolerate rude behaviour.

If someone asked and was polite about it I would have taken her with me and not showered her but I would have shown her where the shower was, and kept a look out.

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 18-Feb-14 15:54:55

Don't they have a family area?

kotinka Tue 18-Feb-14 15:55:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlebluedog12 Tue 18-Feb-14 15:55:18

Oh my goodness that's awful! DH just showers the DDs at the side of the pool. Definitely make a complaint about him. Did he ask anyone else, or were you the only mum around?

YouStayClassySanDiego Tue 18-Feb-14 15:55:43

He sounds like a twat.

If he'd accosted me like that I've have just said 'no, don't be ridiculous, I don't know you or your child' and walked off.

As for him accusing you within the changing room, I'd have made sure that the other women knew exactly what the score was.

His language in front of his child was appalling too, poor kid having to put up with that.

jacks365 Tue 18-Feb-14 15:58:00

What is it recently this is the second thread where a man has gone into the women's changing room with a young child. Just take them in the mens ffs. YADNBU he's being a total idiot.

ageofgrandillusion Tue 18-Feb-14 15:58:11

Sounds like a nut-job to me.

ChampagneTastes Tue 18-Feb-14 15:59:10

That poor little girl - to be raised by such a ridiculous man-child. Obviously YWNBU. Quite apart from all the issues of showering a strange child, it's not your bloody problem!!

AngelaDaviesHair Tue 18-Feb-14 15:59:11

Complain to pool. At my old gym a stunt like that would get you banned.

Thumbwitch Tue 18-Feb-14 15:59:25

YWNBU at all!

I might have taken her into the shower area in the ladies, but I wouldn't have undressed her, just showered her with her costume on and sent her back to her Dad.

If he's that "unsorted" when it comes to aftercare of his daughter, then he should have just dried her off, taken her home and showered her there.

What a very rude man, and a stupid thing for him to have attempted! And as for him then entering the women's changing room, well that needs to be reported too, if it wasn't already.

Bellini81 Tue 18-Feb-14 15:59:43

Thank you, I did question myself after as he was so angry so I kept thinking 'should I have just did it?' I am CRB checked etc as I work in a school but he doesn't bloody know that..

The little girl didn't utter a word, not even when he was swearing.

I seemed to be the only one he asked but some of the other mums etc have more than one child with them and look busy so maybe he spotted me with just my son and thought bingo, who knows? There are no family rooms and no poolside showers no. Its not the biggest of pools around.

The staff were a bit uninterested, they are all very young and were a bit shruggy about the whole episode..

kotinka Tue 18-Feb-14 16:00:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrstigs Tue 18-Feb-14 16:02:56

Heck, you were most certainly nbu. That man's behaviour was appalling. I would like to think the pool staff had some strong words for him when you left. How could he possibly think it was reasonable to 'demand' a stranger showers and dresses his child, storm the ladies changing rooms, then swear and rant at the pool staff because you wouldn't 'do as you were told'. Some people!

Bootoyou2 Tue 18-Feb-14 16:07:43

It isn't a disaster if he were to quickly get her dry and dressed and have a shower once home is it? What is going to happen to her?!

If I was naked and he burst in on me I would be calling security/ police!
That sounds awful.

Floggingmolly Tue 18-Feb-14 16:09:47

Why does he pick you every time, do you think?

arethereanyleftatall Tue 18-Feb-14 16:10:02

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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