I've posted about MIL before. Basically, I find her a very selfish person. That's fine - she's entitled to be so.
We have a 14 month old DS and a 4 week old DD. my parents are the antithesis of PILs and give us a huge amount if practical and emotional support. They are "doers". So they'll just arrive with meals and pitch in with cleaning etc. MIL sends weird passive aggressive emails saying she wants to "help" more but won't actually do anything practical. And, when she's with the DCs, isn't very good at putting their needs above hers - eg she'll have DS shrieking with hunger in his high chair whilst she has her lunch first etc.
It's MIL's 60th birthday and she wanted to have an evening meal thing. Again, she's quite entitled to have that but we felt that wouldn't be possible fir us given the age of DS in particular. And we live over a hundred miles from the PILs so it would have been a long drive home later. Staying with them isn't practical. But the main issue is that 14 month old DS needs to be in bed.
Instead, we suggested going out for lunch with the PILs as MIL always saying she wants to see the DC etc.
So it was agreed that we would travel to the PILs and take them out fir lunch. They would then have their evening do that day. Fine. We would go up and down in the day (long round trip) to facilitate this. Plus I am exclusively expressing to feed DD due to latch probs. but that's ok - it's only one day and I bought an in car charger for the expressing machine so I could sit in the car and do that.
Last night, MIL phoned DH to say that, actually, she would prefer to have her hair done in the afternoon so we would need to cancel the lunch and she would like DH to come to the evening do. The DCs and I can stay at home - ie she's not bothered about seeing them
For the avoidance of doubt, I want to be very clear that I entirely respect MIL's right to have whatever kind of celebration she wants for her birthday.
What is getting in my nerves is her self-avowed wish to see more if the DCs. Despite making no effort to come and see them and then turning down the opportunity to do so to have her hair done.
I'd quite like to say something to MIL, should the opportunity present itself, but I won't. Because at the end if the day, she's the one who choses what kind of relationship she has with the DCs.
AIBU re this
AIBU?
MIL 60th birthday - AIBU or help me get some perspective
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 18/02/2014 12:16
YANBU - but don't go out of your way from now on. And seethe on here 
yes - best thing just to smile and nod.....
I often suggest alternatives to my DH and SIL about the way their mum does things but they always insist that the way that she is doing it is the right way (because she's their mum and can do no wrong 
) so I just smile, nod and go along with it
(and put my foot down every once in a while )
Next time she moans about not seeing the GCs, I don't think I could stop myself from mentioning 'Oh yes and you did cancel the last time we arranged for you to see them'
But then I am not one for the moral high ground 
My MiL is the same.
Tells everyone within a 5 mile radius how wonderful a grandmother she is, how she'd love to see more of our girls, how horrible we are that we keep them away from her.
We moved away from "home" just over 10 years ago, she's visited once. We went back to visit family at Christmas for a couple of days - couldn't see us on any of the days we were there as she had to do her food shopping, needed to visit a garden centre, etc, etc.
We invite her here - she never comes (she's early 60s, with a husband who drives and neither have any mobility or financial concerns).
When we go back we try to see her - we have this whole convoluted list of hoops we have to jump through in order to come to a mutually agreeable time to visit.
She never phones, we've tried to set up a Skype session now and then but she doesn't want to (she doesn't like the way she looks on a webcam ), DH had a cancer scare late last year (all fine, thank god) and she didn't even call to find out how he was - she was "too worried and couldn't cope"
She is the complete opposite of my parents who phone to see how they are, write little cards, send the odd gift - just little things like a cheap bracelet that my Mum will see and think "the girls would like one of those"), Skype regularly, come to visit often, etc
Don't waste your breath, it's not worth getting worked up over. We've just stopped trying - her loss
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