Dear DP
Im leaving you. I know you wont ever read this but your upstairs happily snoring away & im downstairs fuming, i need to get it off my chest.
Im sorry I let you & the doctors pressure me into having a medical abortion. I know our baby wasn't well & i know she would of never lived with both kidneys not working & her lungs not formed properly. Im fully aware she would of died anyway, but i cannot forgive you into what i feel was making me do it. You dont seem to feel guilty, i cry everyday because i know i technically killed our first child.
I know the 4 hours she lived were a joy, but it angers me aswell. I was told she wouldn't feel any pain, she must of bern in agony trying to breathe. And if she put up such a fight then what's to say she wouldn't of put upba fight at full term? Im so angry at you for pushing mw into doing it. Im more angry at myself for being that weak i made the wrong decision.
I feel as though you all tricked me if im being honest. Im sorry you've changed since our daughter died. You've gone from a happy outgoing man to a man who drinks too much and you've become violent.
I love you to bits but i despise for how things have become. I tell you ive forgiven you for beating me up when i was 6 weeks pregnant with our 2nd pregnancy. But when i had a miscarrige i blamed you in my head and i still do now. When we got pregnant for the 3rd time and then lost it your just not the same man.
Tonight we were discussing our daughters birthday and when i said i didnt understand somthing yiu started screaming at me, you were pissed and i was sober. You then got in my face and strangled me with my dressing gown, while you were strangling me i tried to fight you off and ended up scratching your neck. You pulled my hair and told me if i ever did that again you'd kill me. Then tried to cuddle me and told me to stop crying.
I asked you if you thought this was normal and you said im twisting things? I cant take this sort of life anymore. Im 5'4 and weigh 9st and your 6'4 and weigh 15 stone. We dont ever have "fights" we have you attacking me and me trying my hardest to defend myself without making you even more angry.
Its a shame this has come to this because we were so happy once wernt we? Its been 5 years now. Ive tried my hardest to give you a healthy baby, im sorry it hasn't happened.
But i know even with our daughter and the miscarriges that its not an excuse for the way your behaving. Ive bern there every step of the way, ive lived it babe they were my babies too. But i havnt attacked you i dont get blond drunk and start fights. And even though i blame you in my head ive never said it to you cause i dont want to hurt your feelings, isnt that bizarre? Im crying downstairs because you cant keep your hands to yourself again yet i dont want to hurt your feelings?
Im just not right am I. I dont believe im as selfish as you say i am, but im about to become very selfish.
Im leaving you soon, i have friends & family who love me. You've drove away everyone who cared about you and after strangling me tonight you've lost me.
i still love you but i need to look after myself and i deserve to not be assaulted in my own home
I wish things hadn't worked out like this, im sorry about our babies x
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Inspired by the Dear Husband confession thread
79 replies
SunMakesMeHappy · 18/02/2014 00:15
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