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Inspired by the Dear Husband confession thread

(80 Posts)
SunMakesMeHappy Tue 18-Feb-14 00:15:14

Dear DP

Im leaving you. I know you wont ever read this but your upstairs happily snoring away & im downstairs fuming, i need to get it off my chest.

Im sorry I let you & the doctors pressure me into having a medical abortion. I know our baby wasn't well & i know she would of never lived with both kidneys not working & her lungs not formed properly. Im fully aware she would of died anyway, but i cannot forgive you into what i feel was making me do it. You dont seem to feel guilty, i cry everyday because i know i technically killed our first child.

I know the 4 hours she lived were a joy, but it angers me aswell. I was told she wouldn't feel any pain, she must of bern in agony trying to breathe. And if she put up such a fight then what's to say she wouldn't of put upba fight at full term? Im so angry at you for pushing mw into doing it. Im more angry at myself for being that weak i made the wrong decision.

I feel as though you all tricked me if im being honest. Im sorry you've changed since our daughter died. You've gone from a happy outgoing man to a man who drinks too much and you've become violent.

I love you to bits but i despise for how things have become. I tell you ive forgiven you for beating me up when i was 6 weeks pregnant with our 2nd pregnancy. But when i had a miscarrige i blamed you in my head and i still do now. When we got pregnant for the 3rd time and then lost it your just not the same man.

Tonight we were discussing our daughters birthday and when i said i didnt understand somthing yiu started screaming at me, you were pissed and i was sober. You then got in my face and strangled me with my dressing gown, while you were strangling me i tried to fight you off and ended up scratching your neck. You pulled my hair and told me if i ever did that again you'd kill me. Then tried to cuddle me and told me to stop crying.

I asked you if you thought this was normal and you said im twisting things? I cant take this sort of life anymore. Im 5'4 and weigh 9st and your 6'4 and weigh 15 stone. We dont ever have "fights" we have you attacking me and me trying my hardest to defend myself without making you even more angry.

Its a shame this has come to this because we were so happy once wernt we? Its been 5 years now. Ive tried my hardest to give you a healthy baby, im sorry it hasn't happened.

But i know even with our daughter and the miscarriges that its not an excuse for the way your behaving. Ive bern there every step of the way, ive lived it babe they were my babies too. But i havnt attacked you i dont get blond drunk and start fights. And even though i blame you in my head ive never said it to you cause i dont want to hurt your feelings, isnt that bizarre? Im crying downstairs because you cant keep your hands to yourself again yet i dont want to hurt your feelings?

Im just not right am I. I dont believe im as selfish as you say i am, but im about to become very selfish.

Im leaving you soon, i have friends & family who love me. You've drove away everyone who cared about you and after strangling me tonight you've lost me.

i still love you but i need to look after myself and i deserve to not be assaulted in my own home

I wish things hadn't worked out like this, im sorry about our babies x

AnyFucker Tue 18-Feb-14 00:17:15

I am very sorry

Please leave as soon as you can x

namechangesforthehardstuff Tue 18-Feb-14 00:17:56

flowers sad

VacantExpression Tue 18-Feb-14 00:18:11

So very sorry. You've had to be so strong, keep being strong. Leave. xx

LettertoHermioneGranger Tue 18-Feb-14 00:19:05

Oh op. sad

Leave, run, don't look back. You are so brave and strong.

PorkPieandPickle Tue 18-Feb-14 00:28:07

That actually made me cry.

You are so brave, please leave him x

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 18-Feb-14 00:30:12


frogslegs35 Tue 18-Feb-14 00:32:18

thanks I'm so sorry OP Xx
You're doing the right thing.
Keep your strength to get out, never look back and surround yourself with people who truly love and care for you.

yolothankgod Tue 18-Feb-14 00:33:09

Such a brave woman flowers

Good luck for the future and I hope it brings you the happiness that you deserve smile

Also your really need to leave before its to late (sorry to be blunt)

YouTheCat Tue 18-Feb-14 00:33:17

Hope you are able to get out of there as soon and as safely as possible. x

SunMakesMeHappy Tue 18-Feb-14 00:39:40

I will leave him, I really dont want to. But its for the best isnt it. Even though hes hurt me all I want to do is get into bed and get a cuddle off him & for him to tell me its ok.

That's fucked up isnt it. I know that's not right, I know I should be on the phone to the police & I should of left when he did it. I got him arrested when he attacked me at 6 weeks pregnant. That was 6 months ago & tonight is thebfirst time hes attacked me since .

I genuinely love this man with all my heart. Im gutted hes done this again, he knew after last rime this was his last chance.

Im gutted I have to leave. I desperatly want a baby too & I somtimes feel like mt partner turning into this & the miscarriges is because of what I did to my daughter.

We both work and our money goes into a joint bank account. Im not sure how to go about taking money without itbbeinf seen on the statment.

I really am gutted, i thought i was going to marry this man & have more children with him x

AnyFucker Tue 18-Feb-14 00:41:55

yes, you have to leave

strangling you with his dressing gown cord shows a seriously scary level of planning and thought

reporting him to the police for assault is the best plan of action, but mostly I think you just have to get the fuck away from him

he will kill you very soon, I think

SunMakesMeHappy Tue 18-Feb-14 00:45:10

I know the point is that he strangled me not what he strangled me with but I need to pint out it wasn't with the chord, I had my dressing gown on and he pulled both sides of the dressing gown. I cant even explain properly how he did it x

AnyFucker Tue 18-Feb-14 00:46:44

Ok, fair enough. Like you said though, it isn't how he used the tool to strangle you, it's the fact that he did

olgaga Tue 18-Feb-14 00:50:02

You love a misogynist bastard who will never be there for you, will blame you for everything and give you a regular beating for your trouble.

Get out now, and don't look back. You need love and comfort to heal you.

Call Women's Aid and speak to women who understand what you're going through.

theimposter Tue 18-Feb-14 00:50:38

Please be strong and leave this man. He sounds dangerous and you deserve not to be attacked in your own home. Good luck and sooner rather than later xx

FlockOfTwats Tue 18-Feb-14 01:08:57

We both work and our money goes into a joint bank account. Im not sure how to go about taking money without itbbeinf seen on the statment.

Make it the last thing you do. Skip work if needs be to get the things you need, leave, stop at the bank, take out any money thats yours (or even all of it, its in your name, its not illegal).

LettertoHermioneGranger Tue 18-Feb-14 01:19:57

A poster here once said something to me - remember you don't love him. You love the version of him he's created to manipulate you, not the real him. The real him is an abuser, who may well kill you. He has no regard for human life, his actions have proved that. You can go on to have a healthy pregnancy with a man who deserves you. I don't want to upset you more, but I would suspect him being responsible for all your lost babies.

FlockofTwat's advice is good.

falulahthecat Tue 18-Feb-14 01:20:17

You can do it. I did xx

IneedAwittierNickname Tue 18-Feb-14 01:24:40

You can do it. thanks

FoxesRevenge Tue 18-Feb-14 01:24:56

The minute you step out of that door it ends, he can no longer hurt you, you will be safe with friends and family who love you. Don't be afraid.

Nocomet Tue 18-Feb-14 01:28:59

Yes you need to leave and leave quickly.

Then you need to find counseling and sort out your feelings about your CD.

Personally I don't think you made the wrong decision. You did what I would have done, you tried to save your CD pain and suffering. That's not wring, it's brave and selfless.

Now you must be brave again and leave, your future DCs don't deserve a violet drunk for a father.

Nocomet Tue 18-Feb-14 01:29:18


Nocomet Tue 18-Feb-14 01:30:32

Sorry DD,

SunMakesMeHappy Tue 18-Feb-14 01:36:01

Your right, if I do get to have more children they deserve a nice life. Its been just over a year since my daughter died. What can I say to any counselor really? I aborted my baby and I regret it. I really dont think there's anything they could tell me that would help x

If I took all of the money he would get me done. I literally dont have a penny till next pay day but my wage is a pittance to his. I just need to save up for a few weeks and I can do it. Just a few more weeks and it will be ok x

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