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To think this is an insensitive comment about a recent miscarriage?

(11 Posts)
montgomerymadison Mon 17-Feb-14 23:30:22

A friend of mine has had 4 miscarriages, she also thankfully has a beautiful baby girl. 3 miscarriages were before her dd.

When me and mutual friend were comforting her, friend said perhaps she is unable to carry boys.

I was a little bit like wtf?? I didn't say anything as it was obviously not the moment. All her miscarriages had been in the very early stages where the sex was never known.

Is that a fair comment and I'm being too sensitive? Or am I being reasonable by thinking this was a rather thoughtless comment to make?

poopadoop Mon 17-Feb-14 23:31:20

totally insensitive and ridiculous

sadbodyblue Mon 17-Feb-14 23:33:05

nonsensical, ridiculous and yes very insensitive. hope your friend wasn't badly hurt by this comment.

montgomerymadison Mon 17-Feb-14 23:35:38

She didnt seem to react to it at all, but she probably wasn't taking anything in?

I'd want to ask her but think I should leave it to hopefully be forgotten about.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Mon 17-Feb-14 23:39:49

I'm sure I've read that that is s proper ' thing' though, thenot being able to carry boys?

However it was an insensitive comment abd perhaps best left unmentioned. Maybe she was just looking for something to say.

SarahAndFuck Mon 17-Feb-14 23:41:17

You are right, it is insensitive.

I had a midwife make a comment to me about being unable to carry girls.

We had already lost a boy to stillbirth and then a girl to prematurity. I went into premature labour after a massive lorry with a masonry crane on the back of it failed to stop at a red light and hit our car.

So nothing to do with the sex of the baby I was carrying at the time.

We had also opted not to find out the sex of the baby I was carrying when I saw this particular midwife.

She resented the weekly appointment my consultant had ordered so that I could have someone listen to the baby's heartbeat and every week without fail, after complaining to me about how many other women she had on her list who could use my appointment, she went on to say "anyway this one is doing well so I think you just can't carry girls."

Which gave away the sex of the baby while managing to leave me still worried about it, and completely ignored the fact that our first child had been a boy rather than a girl.

She also insisted on calling both losses "your miscarriages" rather than acknowledge that one had been a stillbirth and the other a premature baby born just before 24 weeks, who survived for over two hours.

It's not a fair comment for your friend to make, it's a stupid comment. If the worry wasn't already in your other friends mind, it is now, and she will remember it if she becomes pregnant again.

Pipbin Mon 17-Feb-14 23:42:46

I think some people just don't know what to say in that kind of situation so end up saying something stupid.

HauntedNoddyCar Mon 17-Feb-14 23:43:53

It probably was a bit crass to say it but she will have looked for reasons herself. If you have several miscarriages then it's natural to want to find a reason. Because if you find a reason you might fix it.

supermariosmum Mon 17-Feb-14 23:44:33

My SIL was unable to carry girls but none of us would ever have had the insensitivity to mention that fact to her!!!
As it was she had many tests and investigations and it was confirmed that this was the case - only after that she felt ok to talk about it and for us to talk about it aswell.

Hopefully, OP, your friend didn't hear what was said.

selsigfach Mon 17-Feb-14 23:51:22

I hope you reported the midwife, Sarah, that's vile.

People can be unbelievably tactless to women who suffer miscarriages. Sadly, I doubt this is the worst thing your friend has been told, OP. Yanbu, it was stupid and insensitive. Why didn't you say so?

HadABadDay2014 Mon 17-Feb-14 23:55:42

Some people need a brain to mouth filter.

I am normally rubbish at emotional support, and usually just put the kettle on and say I am here to listen.

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