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to think this is a bit much?

(81 Posts)
baffledbureaucrat Mon 17-Feb-14 10:38:39

Long - I don't think IABU but you never know!

I used to live near a family with a DS about the same age as mine. We weren't especially close friends, I knew them from NCT and bumped into them every now and again afterwards. They moved to China when the boys were just two, we swapped emails and I offered to put them up if they ever wanted to come back to visit the UK.

They want to take me up on the offer, but now I've said yes, I find there's a lot more expected than I thought.

The dad will not be staying; however he will be stopping over in London on his way back from the USA. As he's been away for a few weeks, the mum wants to have a bit of 'alone time' with him in London, so will leave her DS with me for 'a sleepover' while she stays in London with her husband. She will be back to stay with me on day 2.

The mum also works with a multinational company and wants to visit their offices in Paris while she's in Europe. She wants to leave her DS with me while she does this for 'a week or so - maybe two'.

Apparently their DS speaks very little/no English as they speak Swedish at home. He also gets anxious at being left without his parents so I'm just to tell him they've gone to the shops if he gets tearful. They want him to have a total immersion experience to 'bring his English back' - he is 4.

Apparently they think this will benefit my DS because 'it will give him a playmate and take the pressure off you'.

AIBU to think they're taking the piss?

WeGotAnnie Mon 17-Feb-14 10:39:50

She is taking the piss. Just say its not convenient!

VampyreofTimeandMemory Mon 17-Feb-14 10:43:35

oh my god, poor lad. can't believe they're just assuming you'll be okay with looking after someone else's unsettled little boy for 'a week or so - maybe two'. unbelievable!

CoffeeTea103 Mon 17-Feb-14 10:44:03

Yanbu, if they were all staying with you, even if it's just the mum and DS it would be ok. But they're using you as a babysitter while they take a holiday. The poor DS, how scary for him to be just left with people he doesn't know well.

pictish Mon 17-Feb-14 10:44:43

Whaaaaat? She wants to leave her son with you for a week or two? Are you serious??
Hahahahaaaa!! That's hilarious! I do hope you are about to disillusion her of that notion!

Of course they are taking the piss...they plan to use you as a hotel and child care club!

Why on earth did you ever offer to put them up in the first place? Let this be a lesson to's all very well wanting to look like the good guy, but you say, you're not even close! I'm supposing you never imagined they would take you up on it...but now they have, and you're now obliged to follow through.

1. Say no. No no nope-ity NO!
2. Don't put yourself in a situation like this again.

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs Mon 17-Feb-14 10:45:34

They cannot be serious? Presumably your offer was made for the whole family should they need a pitstop for a couple of days? You're not a hotel. Just write back and gently explain they've misinterpreted your offer and you're sorry but you won't be able to look after their child for them.

If they were really really close friends or family I might do this, but not for people I didn't know well. YANBU.

Coconutty Mon 17-Feb-14 10:46:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty Mon 17-Feb-14 10:47:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morgause Mon 17-Feb-14 10:47:46

Just say no.

takingthathometomomma Mon 17-Feb-14 10:48:08

WTAF?! Of course YANBU. I can't believe anyone would think this would be okay. I wouldn't assume this of a family member let alone an ex-neighbour!

Birdsgottafly Mon 17-Feb-14 10:48:17

They need to hire a English speaking Nanny and build up the child's confidence before he is left fully in the Nannys care.

You are not a professional bi-lingual Nanny, so no, it's a piss take and unfair on their little boy.

AngelaDaviesHair Mon 17-Feb-14 10:50:52

That is seriously cheeky. Beware, also, the vagueness of the request. People who are cheeky and vague are almost certainly lining you up for something so outrageously demanding you would not accept it if they spelled it out upfront.

I would say the offer to put the whole family up for a couple of nights stands, but as to the rest, no.

Pigletin Mon 17-Feb-14 10:55:54

Pffff she is so entitled! No way will I agree to look after a child that I don't know and that doesn't know me. Aside from her being rude to even ask about this, what if something happened to her child why in your care? That's a hige responsibility for someone you are not very close with. Just explain you don't feel comfortable with this.

pictish Mon 17-Feb-14 10:56:07

Just write back and gently explain they've misinterpreted your offer and you're sorry but you won't be able to look after their child for them.

That is the best thing to do bar none. Be upfront but diplomatic. You apologise if they have been misled, but it's not going to happen.

TinyTwoTears Mon 17-Feb-14 10:57:02

Another no from me. What a massive hassle and an insane idea to leave an anxious 4 year old with people he won't remember having met (no offense).

Poor chap and poor you if it ever does come to pass. Although, to play devil's advocate it might work for the 4 year old in the way his mum hoped. But that still doesn't detract from it being a huge imposition on you.

On balance it's a totally nuts idea.

YouStayClassySanDiego Mon 17-Feb-14 10:59:41

Contact them and say that upon reflection, it won't be convenient for you to accommodate them.

She's taking the piss massively, don't be a walkover.

You don't need to offer any other explanation.

baffledbureaucrat Mon 17-Feb-14 11:01:24

Coconutty I wish I was making it up - or that she was! Come to think of it, she did once leave her DS at the park with me when he was small and she did go to the shops - I was to tell him that she was in the loo if he asked (for an hour and a half!). Maybe shopping trips take several days where they live...?

I did originally make the offer as a 'if you all need to stop over in the UK or break up a journey to Sweden you're more than welcome to stop here overnight' - not 'please leave your DS with me so I can teach him English'!

As you say pictish - I've learned my lesson, it's the last time I ever offer to host anyone who isn't related to me!

Borntorun25 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:01:44

Seriously? Is she really expecting you to look after her DS for one to two weeks while she is out the country visiting offices? That is unbelievably inconsiderate and inappropriate of her. Her poor son would be so lost and confused even without the language difficulties, and it would be awful for you having full responsibility for a child you barely know and who probably has little memory of you and may well struggle to communicate with.
I would say she is being very inappropriate even asking about leaving him with you for the one London night, but the 1-2 weeks...........words fail me shock
If you are still happy to have them stay I would tell her that she needs to stay with her DS, you would have them together but would not be comfortable looking after him while she was away. In light of her suggestions however I would be very wary in case she arrives then suddenly finds a reason to leave him with you.
I can't imagine many situations more frightening for a 4 year old than being left with people you hardly know and who don't speak your language. This is emphatically not the way to bring his English back and would be truly awful for both of you.

MadAsFish Mon 17-Feb-14 11:01:53

What a pack of bastards. That poor little boy - too much change in too short a time, and now they think they'll just dump him with people he doesn't know, with whom he can't even communicate. Savage.
Husband suggests telling them that if they want to do this, you tell their son exactly the truth about what's happening - not the inane lie about having gone to the shops (we both hate parents who lie to their children) - but that your parents have left you with us because they want some alone time, and for work.
We moved internationally when my son was three, and thereafter made every effort to make everything else as stable as possible. Children are very adaptable, but there are limits.

wonderingsoul Mon 17-Feb-14 11:08:48

hang on.. am i the only one who is reading the op right?

the mum and child want to stay at the op.. she wants to leave the child for 1 night? then return to said child at the ops house?

if im in corect.. i would have no problem w ith that...BUT having some one you dont know well in your house can be damnding and unsettling so ywnbu to just say no, you can not do it,, than make sure you dont offer things that your not happy with again.

YouStayClassySanDiego Mon 17-Feb-14 11:10:14

wondering did you miss the part about the Mum leaving the child for a week, possibly two?

wonderingsoul Mon 17-Feb-14 11:12:25

yes.. i did.

i take it back.. slaps own hand!

well your more nb to say no..

they must have some giant bulls to even ask that!

DuchessFanny Mon 17-Feb-14 11:18:29

Bloody hell, it's so cheeky, it made me laugh !
I would do this in a heartbeat for family and good friends, but not for someone who was barely more than an acquaintance, they have a real nerve to ask tbh ! As for their poor son ...

MrsDeVere Mon 17-Feb-14 11:19:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monal Mon 17-Feb-14 11:22:41

The correct answer is "ahahahaha!"

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