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To be irked by presence of ex wife

(212 Posts)
Primadonnagirl Sun 16-Feb-14 18:33:30

...I think you may probably tell me to get over it but here goes.. DH rarely has anything to do with his ex..not acrimonious it's just as the kids are grown up there is no real reason for contact.However his parents are a different constant contact .They had a big photo up of her until recEntly . I should say we have been together 15 years. Anyway, this doesn't bother me but the " side effects " do...that is, every time we have a family event she comes too. It's all very civil but I think it's odd and TBH I feel very awkward. It's happening again soon...parents have a big wedding anniversary coming up and she's invited again.I can't do anything about it I know but it just makes me feel so uncomfortable..She's the mother of DHs kids etc.. I get that...but I'm his wife..I just feel "second best"...what do you think?!

PorkPieandPickle Sun 16-Feb-14 18:37:59

I think it's weird tbh!!! They are perfectly entitled to continue a relationship with her, but why would they be inviting her to events like that?! Is it not all a bit awkward? And having photos up of her is a bit disrespectful too! What does your DH think?

phantomnamechanger Sun 16-Feb-14 18:39:26

how long were they married? how long has she been part of the ILs lives? why can't she still be their friend independently of her ex?

I'm not saying I would like it myself, but I can see both sides - it's not necessarily that they are doing it to spite you or to make you feel less welcome/important/'s not like they are trying to force him and her back together. Maybe its for the benefit of the GC, maybe they really like her, even tho the marriage did not work.

This might make you feel better. When my friend got engaged to her now DH and he arranged for her to meet his parents at their home, they only had his exW come round the same evening! shock He stood up to them and they have now been together 20 years BTW!

Primadonnagirl Sun 16-Feb-14 18:40:10

He agrees with me but just ignores it and tells me to do the same.I appreciate there is nothing I can actually do but I just wish someone would think..hang on, how does this make Prima feel?

HappyMummyOfOne Sun 16-Feb-14 18:40:31

I dont think its weird. She was their DIL and will always be the mother of their grandchildren. Its lovely that they haven't just cast her aside as they obviously like her.

Primadonnagirl Sun 16-Feb-14 18:41:50

phantom that does actually make me feel a lot better!!

KingR0llo Sun 16-Feb-14 18:41:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sadbodyblue Sun 16-Feb-14 18:46:05

sorry I think yabu. as happymummy says shes the mother of their gc and as such part of the family.

you say the break up was amicable so of course they are still friends and have a history with her. yes they invite her to their parties, again normal.

I expect they feel just as loyal and are just as fond of you op and I think it's just a situation you have to put up with.

but of course can see your side.

sadbodyblue Sun 16-Feb-14 18:47:56

to add if they are nice to you I guess they are just nice people who have no idea how you feel.

reddaisy Sun 16-Feb-14 18:48:10

It is very weird. If I was her I would decline their big event invitations politely but meet them separately if I wanted to.

KingR0llo Sun 16-Feb-14 18:53:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Primadonnagirl Sun 16-Feb-14 18:53:03

Well FIL and I get on great but MIlL clear,y prefers her..Nb I didn't say the split was amicable I said there's no acrimony now...My point is I think after 15 years they would get I'm here to stay!!! And yes I honestly think in her shoes I would decline.

PorkPieandPickle Sun 16-Feb-14 18:55:33

Amicable split or not, their loyalty should be to their son, and of he feels awkward then they should not be inviting her!!

They should continue the relationship with her separately- jeez, i am on great terms with my ex but my DM wouldn't dream of inviting him to family parties!!

KingR0llo Sun 16-Feb-14 18:56:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tattychicken Sun 16-Feb-14 18:56:51

I don't think it's weird, I think it's lovely. She's obviously still family to them. And lovely for the children to see her do included and see her picture on the wall. They are setting a wonderful example and I really think you need to grin and bear it.

Jengnr Sun 16-Feb-14 18:58:58

It's good that they've maintained a good relationship with the mother of their grandkids. BUT they should have asked their son the first time if he would feel comfortable with her being invited and he should have told the truth if they did.

It's a bit late now though.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Sun 16-Feb-14 18:59:30

How long were they together OP?

Primadonnagirl Sun 16-Feb-14 18:59:46

Really.? A 27 and a 25 year old need to see their Mums picture on a wall???!!

Primadonnagirl Sun 16-Feb-14 19:00:19

They were together for 10 years..

VelmaD Sun 16-Feb-14 19:00:28

Yabu. Their party, they get to decide. I went to my exhusbands daughters christening, and my exhusbands girlfriends birthday. Raised a few eyebrows, but we are divorced we dont hate each other and the kids connect us all. They are friends with her in their own right, and are clearly happy friends for it to have lasted 15 years past the divorce.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Sun 16-Feb-14 19:01:29

If they were together for years and years and she was like family to them, do they really need to dump her because their son did?

You say they don't think about you when inviting her..but they probably feel that if the ex can get past it you can.

Primadonnagirl Sun 16-Feb-14 19:03:11

.. Er..why do you assume he dumped her???!!

Sparklysilversequins Sun 16-Feb-14 19:03:55

I think it's petty, pathetic and immature to have a problem with this. Everyone in an entire family having to do things your way because you are not comfortable with it? So what if your MIL prefers her to you? Presimably you have your own family and friends who love and prefer YOU don't you? It's amicable and there's good relationships going on within and extended family, do you know how rare that is and how good for the dc involved? Grow up.

Leviticus Sun 16-Feb-14 19:06:29

DH's parents divorced when they were boys. DMIL is still invited to large family events on DFIL's side and still socialises with his siblings. It's lovely and is in no way a reflection of how the family feel about DStepMIL.

KingR0llo Sun 16-Feb-14 19:06:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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