...to get upset over my partner constantly second-guessing me?(7 Posts)
I really don't know how to word this without making him seem like an arse because he really isn't, I know it's well-intentioned and that he means well.
The main problem is, my partner keeps asking me whether there is something wrong, or telling me that I have a tone in my voice which makes him doubtful that I'm 'alright' or that I'm not telling him something when I'm unhappy. The problem is. it's creating a major problem with me because I'm starting to feel on edge around him and I don't really know what to do.
I sat down with him a week or so ago and reassured him that if something was wrong, I'd tell him all about it, but that his second-guessing was driving me mad, and he seemed to accept it. But today is a great example - I've had a really long week, and I'm absolutely tired out. He doesn't take the fact that I look tired into account, instead I've had a fairly constant stream of 'What is the matter' or 'are you SURE' whenever I say I'm alright. I was having a bath when he asked me a question and then followed it up with 'are you sure because you don't sound like you're happy' (my frickin' face was pretty much underwater at the time, I don't know how he expects me to sound!) and so I shouted that I was fine, and a big argument ensued - which I know he'll then take as proof that I wasn't alright after all.
It really is getting to the point where I can't deal with it all the time. He'll make comments about me looking at other men in the gym and then say he was only joking, but I know he's insecure about it, so it then makes me doubly-worse because I'm constantly worrying about him AND worrying about where I look so I don't upset him.
I'm at a loss of what to do. He really is the perfect husband in every way and I don't want to get rid of him or anything drastic, but he will not accept that he's doing anything wrong - I love him to bits but I can't keep going like this if he won't accept that I'll just bloody tell him if I have a problem. any help greatly appreciated.
Three years ago I had a brief - very brief - one night stand when I was going completely off-the-rails through mental illness, a mental illness which I have since beaten. I mean, his insecurity is understandable because of that, but I don't really know what to do to solve it.
I imagine you told him you were just tired?
If you're honest about your feelings, I don't think there's much else you can do.
I personally don't like being told everything's fine when it obviously isn't, but that doesn't sound like what's happening to you. If you've told him all's well, and you mean it, he ought to try and leave it there.
He sounds, if anything, a bit edgy himself. Maybe you could ask him if anything's bothering him at the moment.
Have you asked him what he would like you to do?
is it that he is worried you will have another one night stand or is it that he fears you could become unwell again and he is hypersensitive to anything he feels could be a sign of that?
what about every time he asks, turn it back on him. Not in a nasty way but reply not by saying no im fine but by asking him why he is asking , what he thinks he sees, why he feels you would not say if something was bothering you.
sometimes it is so hard when someone you love has been so ill. It can make you afraid, maybe thinking that you missed something before , that you might be missing something now, etc.
would counselling help? If there are unresolved issues or unexpressed feelings?
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