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To not help out at cubs

(42 Posts)
Idocrazythings Sat 15-Feb-14 10:51:41

Hardly anyone has volunteered and I feel guilty, we are doing the catering for a formal awards event. I am somehow on the committee.

They want help on the Sunday from about 9-1130. I am going out the night before to a lovely friends 40th. And then have to work the following afternoon at 2pm, my work can be unpredictable and often very busy and I don't always get a break. The awards thing is about 15 min from my work but at least 40min from my home. So I don't want to go help then either go home for 30 min then straight back out to work after being home for under an hour, or hang around for 2 1/2 hours in the area.

Plus we have DC to collect from grandparents after our night out. I plan on driving and DH will have a few drinks. I don't really want him to not have a few drinks just to go help at cubs either, because he works hard all week and hardly ever goes out. not sure how keen he'd be to make, and serve sandwiches to about 400 people either

Are these just excuses and I'm being mean or quite legitimate?

Chippednailvarnish Sat 15-Feb-14 11:01:49


Goldencity1 Sat 15-Feb-14 11:04:29

There is a an important job to be done,
Everybody is sure somebody will do it.
Anybody could do it, but nobody did.
Somebody got angry because it was everybody's job.
Everybody thought anybody would do it,
But nobody realised that everybody wouldn't.
So everybody blamed somebody when nobody did what anybody could have done.

Sounds like this is what is happening.

Mouthfulofquiz Sat 15-Feb-14 11:05:00

No - I think you are entitled to go out and have a good time and volunteer some other time..
Just get involved with the next thing!

SomewhereBeyondTheSea Sat 15-Feb-14 11:07:14

Depends how much you help out in general, compared to everyone else. If you're always the one pitching in then you shouldn't feel bad about someone else having to take the strain for a change.

tiggytape Sat 15-Feb-14 11:09:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MothratheMighty Sat 15-Feb-14 11:11:58

Cubs will be used to it.
After years of working in schools, I could name every one of the dozen parents who could be relied on to show up to help or plan events. Even in schools with hundreds of pupils, it's always the same handful.

Idocrazythings Sat 15-Feb-14 11:16:39

Yes, dd has recently joined so I haven't really helped as yet. Wasn't really something we were given a choice on as commitee members. More so told it would be done, with about 4 weeks notice. So I feel really torn.

ForalltheSaints Sat 15-Feb-14 11:24:10

You are at work in the afternoon. As long as you are polite about declining, seems fair to me.

Chippednailvarnish Sat 15-Feb-14 11:30:10

Your DH needing a drink because he works hard all week isn't a valid excuse. What do you think everyone else does.

ToAvoidConversation Sat 15-Feb-14 11:34:33

Just be honest and say it doesn't work for you and be first to sign up next time!

Joysmum Sat 15-Feb-14 11:34:40

This is the trouble, the vast majority of parents don't help out for one reason or another and see it as the responsibility of the committee, who are already volunteering more time than everybody else, to pick up the slack.

It's amazing how entitled parents feel for those organizations who are no. Profit and run by volunteers. Most see it as childcare or that their only responsibility is to pay the subs so why the hell should they need to do more!

Idocrazythings Sat 15-Feb-14 11:41:43

chipped but he hardly ever goes out, he doesn't really have a wide circle of friends to be honest

Idocrazythings Sat 15-Feb-14 11:44:52

And yes joys that's exactly how I feel which is why I feel so guilty.

MothratheMighty Sat 15-Feb-14 11:56:32

I don't understand why your DH having a few drinks precludes him from helping out at cubs the next day, unless it's a euphemism for getting smashed out of his skull.
He doesn't have a wide circle of friends? This is an opportunity for him to broaden his friendship base, have his DD see he can do something that involves her and cubs and he can chat to people as he hands out sandwiches.

Idocrazythings Sat 15-Feb-14 12:05:07

Dd won't be there. It's for an awards thing but our actual kids aren't involved. No he won't get "smashed" but I just don't think he'd be that inclined to leave at 8.30 in the morning to go and do it. I think that is the only option though so I will work on him to do do it.

MothratheMighty Sat 15-Feb-14 12:07:46

It's what makes my brother such a fantastic parent, the ability to work flat-out in a high powered job all week and not slump into the weekend, because he has many children and brings the same energy to that part of his life.

Chippednailvarnish Sat 15-Feb-14 12:16:56

It just seems to be excuse after excuse OP, which is fine as long as you accept that there will come a time when people who can't be arsed will directly impact upon an activity involving your DCs.

Swings and roundabouts really.

Idocrazythings Sat 15-Feb-14 12:19:15

In a perfect world everyone would be like that mothra but not everyone is. DH does have a high powered job and is gone for at least 11 hours every day, often business trips away too, but yes, he probably could do more in all honesty. I will talk to him and see how he feels about going.

Idocrazythings Sat 15-Feb-14 12:25:07

chipped. I joined the committee within a few weeks of dd joining- but they didn't want me actively involved until the new year. I'm always helping at DC school. I never leave work on time. If a friend needs me I rush to help them. At school as a child I was the one who always did all the group work. I've just recently realised that about myself. I'm not making excuses I'm trying to work out the best thing to do without over committing myself. I'm fed up of being the one who "always puts their hand up", but I feel guilty about feeling like that.

HappyMummyOfOne Sat 15-Feb-14 12:26:38

Its like the PTA, parents expect nice events and all the extras for the children yet you can come up with a list of the half a dozen parents that will actually help out.

For cubs, brownies etc it should be part of the rules of joining. If you want your children to have the activity then it should be mandatory to help. Leaving it to others is selfish.

Tryharder Sat 15-Feb-14 12:39:24

I thick your reasons are legitimate. I rarely help out at stuff because I have 3 young children(1 preschool) and work full time often in the evenings and nights.

I think it's very easy to complain that other parents do nothing when you are a SAHP with school age children as is the case with the mums at my DS's school.

Chippednailvarnish Sat 15-Feb-14 13:14:56

As I said OP, it's your choice, as long as you accept the same excuses from other people when it impacts on your Dcs.

As for you running to help your friends and never leaving work on time, I think you'll find that most people have it exactly the same. It doesn't make you any different from anyone else, if your not happy with that it's not the cubs fault.

Anyway it's not like you are a single parent, there doesn't seem to be any real reason why your DP can't step up.

pussycatdoll Sat 15-Feb-14 13:25:08

parents expect nice events and all the extras

I honestly don't

I'd rather the ptfa didn't put on a disco at 3pm on a Monday after school that the kids feel bad if they can't attend
I'd rather just donate £20 a year or whatever

Idocrazythings Sat 15-Feb-14 13:29:33

Ok, thanks chipped nice that you have such an insight into my life. I'm not going to bicker the point back and forth with you, but I am going to talk to DH, as I do actually agree with you on that, that he should help out too. And hopefully can get him to go. This function, though, is for fundraising. Our group is organising catering for this awards thing that none of our group are actually getting an award (that I'm aware of). Had I more notice I would have been able to arrrange my work differently.

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